Everyone helps, but youre the special one
Emily, listen, could you come over tonight? my sister asked, hope clear in her voice. Toms gone away and its ever so boring here by myself with the kids.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, my mind scrambling for excuses, each more feeble than the last. If I mentioned urgent work, Sarah wouldnt believe meit was Saturday, after all. If I played the too tired card, Id just get the whole concerned routine: questions, advice, and endless lectures. I bit my lip and exhaled slowly, preparing to give my answer.
Sarah, Im afraid it wont work today, I replied, trying to sound more regretful than I truly felt. Lizzies come down with something, so were staying in.
There was a pause, punctuated by a heavy sigh.
Oh, what a shame, Sarah sighed dramatically. We couldve had a nice cuppa, while the kids played together
I rolled my eyesthank goodness she couldnt see me. Play together, sure Lizzie would end up chasing after the little ones while we sat in the kitchen pretending to catch up over tea.
Yes, a real pity, I nodded. Well ring as soon as shes better.
Sarah let out another mournful sigh, wished Lizzie a speedy recovery, and hung up. I glanced at my phone, realising the whole conversation had taken four minutes, and Sarah hadnt once asked how I was. No word about my job, or health, or simply if I was alright. Shed called for one reason only: would we be coming over? Its just a free babysitter she wants, in the end.
The door creaked, and Lizzie peeked round the corner, eyes searching mine.
Auntie Sarah phoned again? Lizzie asked.
I nodded and set my phone on the table beside the sofa. Lizzie joined me, tucking her legs under herself, her expression a mingling of annoyance and relief.
Mum, I dont want to go to her place anymore, she announced firmly.
I turned to Lizzie, eyebrow raised, waiting. She pressed her lips together, working up her courage, then blurted it all in one go.
She always dumps her kids on me, Lizzie scowled. Makes me watch them, play with them, entertain them and her oldest is five! Im not their nanny, Mum.
I looked at my nine-year-old and couldnt help but smile. Lizzie already knew how to stand up for herself, how to spot what bothered her and voice it. I felt a rush of pride.
Dont worry, I smoothed her hair. That wont happen again.
She smiled gratefully and skipped off.
I lay back, staring at the ceiling and letting my thoughts wander. Things turned out odd in our family. Sarah was four years youngerbut already had four children. Four! I shook my head. I had Lizzie, and she was still growing up; so much love, time, and energy still to give her. And Sarah, straight to four children.
I rubbed my temples and closed my eyes. Sarah always acted like raising her kids was everyones joint responsibility. Our parents, Margaret and Philip, were first in the firing line. Then Toms parents, then neighbours, then half the family. A whole battalion raising Sarahs broodeveryone except Sarah herself.
I almost laughed at the thought. For me, things had always been different. I only ever asked Mum for help if I was desperate: ill myself, swamped at work, or truly stuck. Otherwise, I did it all on my ownit was tough, especially those first few years, but I managed. And Lizzies turned out brilliantly: independent, clever, her own person.
Sarah, though, seemed to get more brazen by the year.
Brushing aside the dark thoughts, I got up. Id survived Sarah today. A small win. Saturday chores awaitedthe sort that dont wait for anyone. I headed to the kitchen, switched on the dishwasher, and got on with it.
Days swirled past in the usual rush of work and housework. On Friday evening, my phone vibratedSarah lit up my screen. I inhaled deeply and picked up.
Hows Lizzie? Sarahs voice was syrupy with concern. Back to herself?
All fine now, I replied, leaning against the wall. Shes running about again.
Brilliant! Well, you simply must come for the weekendbring your things and stay over!
Here we go, I thought, rolling my eyes. Another round.
Its so lonely here, honestly, Sarah whined. Kids are restless, Toms away
Staying over wont work, Sarah, I said matter-of-factly. But I can pop by for a visit Saturday morning.
A frosty silence. Shed wanted more, clearly, but gave in after a minutes hagglingagreeing, grudgingly, to a daytime visit.
Saturday dawned grey and chilly. I wrapped up in my coat and headed out alone, the bus ride to Sarahs taking half an hour, followed by a short walk.
She opened the door, craning her neck to see if anyone trailed after me.
Wheres Lizzie? she frowned.
Shes busyhas homework, test coming up, I replied, stepping inside.
Sarahs face twisted in disappointment as she slammed the door.
Shes a right madam these days! Sarah folded her arms. Never visits, never calls.
I hung my coat, hearing the racket from her kids further in. I turned, caught her gaze, and held it.
Shes exhausted from being the babysitter at yours, I said calmly.
Sarah flared instantly, cheeks reddening, eyes narrowing.
Its normal! she snapped. Thats what older kids are forhelping with the younger ones!
No, Sarah, not when its someone elses kids.
Oh, dont be ridiculoustheyre her cousins! Shes only ten, Emmahardly too young to help!
She is a child. Not your staff, I shot back.
Sarah glared, stepping closer. A child started crying down the hallway, but she didnt so much as glance round.
Itll do her goodshe needs to know how to handle children!
She doesnt need that lesson, I raised my voice too, she doesnt have siblings!
Exactly! Thats why she needs to look after mineget some practice!
I stood back in disbelief, searching her face.
Dont you hear yourself? I shook my head. You want to use my daughter as a free nanny!
Whats the harm? I cant manage alone! She put her hands on her hips.
Then why have four? I blurted, unable to stop myself.
Sarahs face went crimson, veins standing out on her neck.
Youve almost got a grown girl! You could at least let her help after school every other day!
That was it. Something snapped inside me, and all my pent-up resentment bubbled over.
Youre shameless, I hissed. Shifting responsibility onto everyone else.
I just want help! she insisted.
No, you demand it, I snapped, grabbing my coat. You act like the world owes you.
So what? Mum helps! Toms mum helps! Only you stand aside!
Mum and Dad arent young, Sarah. They need their rest, not to be running about as unpaid childcare.
Theyre happy to help! she retorted, grabbing my sleeve.
I pulled away, retreating to the door.
We wont be coming again, I said, voice calm. Find someone else.
I left, tuning out her shouting as I closed the door behind me.
Mum rang that night. I saw her nameMargaretand braced myself.
Emma, what have you done? she cried, voice only just steady. Sarahs in tears! Youve driven your sister to the brink!
I just told her the truth, Mum, I said, sinking onto the sofa.
What truth is that? That you wont help your own sister?
Theres a difference between helping and being a doormat, I said, gripping the phone tight.
Shes on her own with four children! Mum wailed. Toms always away! Shes at her wits end!
That was her choicenot mine, and not Lizzies.
Lizzie could easily keep an eye on them now and then. Everyone helps Sarah, only you are special!
No, I cut in. My daughter isnt free childcare.
But theyre your family! Mum shouted.
I stood and walked to the window, looking out at the gathering dusk, watching the streetlights come on one by one.
Mum, if you and Dad want to give your golden years to Sarahs children, thats up to you, I said gently, but I wont.
Youre selfish! Mum snapped.
I have my own familymy husband, my daughter. I wont live my life for Sarah.
I ended the call before she could answer, dropping the phone onto the sofa and burying my face in my hands.
Warm arms wrapped around me from behindLizzie, her head resting on my shoulder.
Mum, I heard everything, she whispered.
I turned and held her tight, breathing in that faint scent of her strawberry shampoo.
I did it for you, I stroked her hair. I always will.
She looked up and smiled. Behind that smile was all the gratitude I could ever hope for.
I know, Mum, she squeezed my hand. Thank you.
We stood by the window, silent and together, watching the city lights flicker on. Somewhere out there, I was sure, Sarah would be complaining to her mother-in-law, Mum calling the family with tales of her heartless eldest daughter. But here, in our home, there was calm and warmth.
Id made my decision, and I would stand by it. Even if it cost me my relationship with my sister and mother. Lizzie mattered moreher childhood, her freedom, her right to simply be a child.
