There wont be a wedding
Lily stepped into the bedroom and stopped in her tracks. Standing before her in a beautiful wedding dress was Racheland she looked absolutely radiant. The gown hugged her figure perfectly, and there was a quiet, almost fragile happiness shining in her eyes. Lily couldnt help herself:
My word, youre absolutely glowing! she exclaimed, unable to look away from her friend. Im so pleased for you! At last youve managed to move on and open your heart to someone new, leaving Nick in the past where he belongs. Im proud of you, Rachel!
Rachels smile faded instantly and a faint grimace passed over her face. Turning away, she began fussing with the dress, trying not to meet Lilys gaze.
Id better take this off, she muttered as she unfastened the little hooks along the side with practiced hands. The big days only two weeks away. If anything happens to this dress, Ill never find another like it.
Lily bit her lip. She knew straight away that shed said something wrong. Why mention Nick, of all people? Especially now, when Rachel had finally found herself a decent man and was starting fresh! Nick was never worth Rachels tearsnot after everything hed put her through.
Once upon a time, Rachel genuinely believed Nick was The One. She’d thought their relationship was for keeps. But, little by little, things fell apart. First, he started drifting away, making excuses not to see her; then hed criticise her choicesher friends, her dreams, even what she ate. He even talked her into giving up a promising promotion, convinced her not to take up an internship in Paris, and eventually pushed her into changing careers altogether.
Rachels family just couldnt make sense of it. They saw her changing, saw her losing herself, but felt powerless to help. Every time they tried to talk it out, it ended in a rowNick had convinced Rachel that her family simply couldnt accept him and were trying to sabotage their perfect love. Tension mounted until Rachel all but stopped speaking to her parents at all.
Then, one day, Nick was just gone. No explanation, not even a goodbye note. All that was left behind was a deep ache in her heart, and a baby that Rachel decided shed keep, come what may.
Watching her friend hurriedly take off her wedding dress now, Lily was racked with guilt. All she wanted was to be happy for Rachel, to see her truly smile. Last thing she intended was dragging up the past.
Now, Nick junior had just turned foura lively, curious boy, endlessly asking questions. Sometimes it was why the sky was blue, sometimes where the clouds went, and sometimes hed be thrilled just investigating ladybirds on a walk. His nursery teachers often commented on how sharp he was: Nick picked things up quickly and listened to stories intently.
Most of his time was spent at Rachels parents house. Theyd eagerly taken on the care of their grandson, enrolling him in the local nursery, taking him swimming, even to a little ballet class. Rachel, meanwhile, would drop by a few times a weeknever staying much more than an hour.
The plain and painful truth was that Nick junior looked so much like his fatherdark curls, the same eyes, that cheeky smile. Every time Rachel saw her son, shed be transported back to those days when she still thought their family could be happy. She loved her son, was fiercely proud of himbut the hurt clung stubbornly to that love. Just holding him or looking into his eyes would bring tears brimming dangerously close; shed look away, pretend to rummage in her bag or neaten his shirt, and sometimes weep quietly when he wasnt looking.
One evening, Rachel came for Nick at her parents house and found him on the rug, absorbed in a jigsaw. When he saw her, he jumped up, delighted, and pulled her over.
Mummy, look! He tugged her hand towards the half-finished jigsaw. Im nearly done; theres a house and a tree, and this bit this bits going to be the dog!
Rachel knelt down and did her best to smile. Its lovely. Youre so careful, darling.
Nick paused. Then he looked up and asked, Mummy, wheres my daddy? All the other kids at nursery have dads only I dont.
Rachel froze. Her insides twisted, but she spoke as calmly as she could. Hes far away, sweet. But he definitely thinks about you.
Why doesnt he call me? Nick asked, frowning as if trying to puzzle it out. Id tell him I can tie my shoelaces now.
Hes just very busy, Rachel replied in a strained voice, a lump in her throat. But Im sure hes very proud of you.
He seemed to accept this and returned to his jigsaw. Alright. Ill finish the house and Daddy will see how clever I am.
Rachel sat by his side in silence, gently smoothing his hair and drinking in the smell of his shampoo. She tried desperately to hold onto the momenther happy, trusting little boy by her sidebecause there were so many questions she would never be able to answer.
Even then, she never quite stopped thinking about Nick. In some quiet part of her heart, she went on making excuses for him. Maybe something terrible had happened? Maybe he simply couldnt get in touch? These scraps of hope kept her from sliding into despair.
Her mum would gently suggest she let the past rest, and focus on her own life and her sons. Friends, less gentle, said outright, Rachel, hes left you. Accept it and move on! But she argued back every time, remembering the happiness theyd once shared, the promises hed made. These conversations typically ended with her shutting herself off and her friends, sighing and defeated, letting her be.
Still, Rachel wasnt one to sit idle. She checked social media, made calls to places Nick might pop up, even posted on forums looking for news. She never found him, but couldntor wouldntaccept the reality that Nick had simply left and had no intention of coming back.
And then, after five long years, somebody new came into Rachels life. It was as if by chance; they met at a mutual friends birthday party. From the start, Edward seemed dependable. He was genuine, kind, practicalthe sort of man Rachel always thought shed never meet.
Around Edward, Rachel could simply be herself. He never demanded perpetual cheerfulness. If she was tired, hed suggest they head home. If she wanted silence, he let her be. He was everything shed thought she needed: steady, balancedand most of all, he truly cared.
Edwards affection was plain even in the smallest things: remembering her favourite tea; asking after her colleagues; sorting out bills so she didnt have to worry. Hed have carried her everywhere, if shed askedand the truth was, Rachel enjoyed all the attention.
But what moved her most was how Edward treated Nick. The first time they met, the boy eyed Edward suspiciously from behind Rachels legs. But Edward went straight down to his level and asked him about his favourite cartoons. Within half an hour, Nick was showing Edward his toys, giggling away.
Soon, Edward became a regular at Rachels parents house. Hed take Nick to the park, teach him to ride a bike, read him stories at bedtime. Once, catching them drawing together, Edward had said, quite simply, Id really like to be his dad, if youd let me. Id adopt Nick if I could.
Lily was truly happy for Rachel. Shed noticed the changesa spark in Rachels eyes, less careworn lines, a real, warm smile. But today Lily had put her foot in itreminding Rachel of Nick senior. Now she could only hope she hadnt ruined things.
Rachel surprised her. She quietly put away the dress and, almost lightly, said, Ive grown up, you know. I realise now that my feelings for Nick belong in the past. Sometimes I even wish I hadnt called my son after him. I was stubborn. Didnt want anyones advice How did you all put up with me?
Lily squeezed her hand. Are you thinking about bringing Nick to live with you?
Yes, Rachel replied earnestly. Edwards particularly keen. Hes even offered to help Nick choose a new nameit might make things simpler, especially since well have to update his birth certificate if Edward adopts him.
She paused, watching the raindrops trickle down the window.
I used to be so afraid that Nick would forever remind me of the past. But I realise now hes my sonand deserves a proper childhood, with two parents who love him. Grandparents are wonderful, but theyre not a substitute for a mum and dad. And Edward really wants to be his fatheryou should see how close theyve grown.
Thats brilliant! Lily said, brightening. Maybe Nick could help pick his new name. Might help him settle in with it.
Im not sure. Theres still time to decide. Well see.
In truth, Rachel was still lying to herself. Her feelings for Nick hadnt gone anywhere, no matter how much she wished they had. Things with her family were strained; they saw how seeing her boy made her upset, and had begun to shield him from her. Her friends were weary; they barely wanted to hear her troubles anymore. It was past time to let go of what was lost, and focus on the life she was buildingher wedding, for example.
Except it wasnt easy.
Edward was, by all accounts, a good man. Buthe wasnt Nick. Rachel didnt feel deeply attached to him; shed let herself enjoy his devotion, but it never truly moved her.
If Nick ever came back shed have traded everything to be with him again.
***************************
Theres not going to be a wedding! Rachel announced with wild eyes, spinning on the spot with a strange kind of joy. Were parting waysjust ships passing in the night!
Edward stared at her, lost for words. The wedding was only a week awaytheyd settled the menu, chosen the flowers, sent the invitations. It all felt so realso soon. Now here was Rachel, saying it was all off?
What do you mean, not going to be? he managed, searching her face, wondering if she was making a bad joke. Rachel, whats happened? Pleaseexplain.
But Rachel shrugged off his questions, darting round the room, snatching things from shelves and tossing them into a suitcase. Her eyes glistened; a peculiar smile played on her lips. She looked almost relieved.
Nicks come back! she blurted out, not looking at Edward. There was such real happiness in her voice, he felt his chest turn to ice. He arrived yesterday. We talked it all through. At first, I couldnt believe it myself!
She finally stopped and turned to him, her eyes lit with excitement and longing. There was none of the hesitation or regret Edward had hoped for.
Honestly, thank you for this last half year, she said, her voice softer. Its been easy, comforting Youre a great bloke, Edward. But I never really loved you. Now, with this chance at real happiness, I cant let it go.
Edward felt something hollow opening up inside him, a cold ache spreading. Nick. Always Nick. The same man Rachel never failed to talk about in tones that left Edward feeling invisible. Hed always known Rachel wasnt over him, but hed hoped that timeand life with himwould change her mind.
Have you seen him already? he asked at last, his voice rough, tight with pain. What explanation did he come up with this time?
He didnt try to explain it away, Rachel said sharply. He said hed made a mistake. That hed been thinking of me the entire time!
She turned away again, checking drawers and shelves for anything she might have missed to pack.
We spoke on the phone, she continued while rummaging. His parents insisted he go abroad for studyhe couldnt get in touch. Imagine it! He was thinking of me all the time, but just couldnt reach out. But now hes backand were going to spend the rest of our lives together.
Rachel remembered that first call from Nick after years apart: his voice stumbling, hesitant. Rachel, I know it all looks awful You have to understand: my parents gave me no warning. It was London or nothingthey threatened to cut me off. Honestly, I tried to resist They cancelled my accounts, left me with nothing but my passport. I didnt even have a phone.
Why didnt you ring me, just once? Rachel asked, barely keeping the tremor from her voice.
I couldnt. What would I have said? That I was a coward for going along with it all?
Hearing him that night, all her anger and bitterness just melted away in the sound of his familiar voice. She realised in that moment shed never stopped hoping for that callnot for a single day.
Ive dropped out. Im back for good. I wont ever leave again, Nick had saidand his words still echoed in her mind as she faced Edward now.
She stood for a moment, surveying the room like she was checking for anything she’d leave behind, before noticing how pale Edward had become. He seemed to be staring straight through her.
Dont worry, she said more gently, though certain in her decision. Ive told everyone the weddings off and asked them not to bother you. People will try to comfort you, but youll be alright. Youre strong.
She dragged her suitcase over, fiddled with the handle, then looked at him. There was no regret in her eyes at all.
And please, dont call or send pointless texts or voice mails, she said, her voice firm. I mean itmy decision is final. Im not changing my mind.
She hoisted up the suitcase, giving a determined little nod, and strode to the front door, as if she required every ounce of momentum to avoid wavering.
Edward stood in the centre of the room, his insides twisting with confusion and pain. He drew a deep breath, willing himself to stay composed. He wanted to shout, to demand answers, but refused to give her the satisfaction. He clenched his fists, then slowly opened them, trying to sound as matter-of-fact as possible.
Dont you think youre rushing it? he said at last, watching her closely.
She paused at the door, gripping the handle tightly.
What if he doesnt want to start over? Edward pressed, taking a step closer. Or if he refuses to acknowledge Nicks his son? Has he even proposed?
Rachel spun round, flushed and agitated. She strode briskly towards him, compelled to drive her point home.
Hes asked me round for a proper, grown-up chat! she blurted out. Thats more than enough! Dont try to paint him as some villainNick isnt like that!
Her voice cracked near the end, but she immediately composed herself, pulling her suitcase towards the door again.
You could help, you know, she muttered through her teeth, struggling to lift the heavy luggage.
Edward instinctively stepped forward to assist, but stopped short. What was the point? He could see Rachels mind was already elsewherewith Nick. She clearly pictured herself wrapped in his arms, about to start a perfect new life.
But the truth was very different. Nick had only called for a proper chat, not to propose or make any grand declarations. In reality, hed already moved onand Rachel, swept up by her hopes, simply refused to notice.
Still, she dragged the suitcase out, hesitated at the door for the briefest of moments, as if debating one last thing to say. But she thought better of it, swung open the door and walked out without a glance back.
Edward stayed where he was, looking at the closed door, the faint scent of her perfume lingering in the air, her final words hanging over him: Nick isnt like that!
He slumped heavily onto the nearest chair, feeling exhaustion crash over him. Everything had changed so quickly, so irrevocably. Now hed have to find a way to live with itwithout Rachel, without a future together, without any comforting illusions.
***************************
Nick opened the door, surprised to find visitors at such an early hour. There standing before him, two suitcases in tow, was Rachel, her face alive with giddy delight, eyes gleaming. He stopped, lost for words. Only one thought ran through his mind: How could she get it so wrong?
Hed honestly thought everything had been settled. When Rachel began seeing Edward, Nick himself could finally relaxhe could come back home to live with his wife, not worrying about surprise calls, tears or angry confrontations. Hed almost felt grateful Rachel had found someone elseit solved so many problems in one go.
Yes, hed rung her, tried to explain that things were different noweven suggested they meet for a proper talk, but it really was just politeness.
And nowhere she was on his doorstep, luggage and all, very much expecting more than a chat. Nick unconsciously stepped back, trying to gather his thoughts.
Nick! Rachel almost sang the word. Its settled. Im here and now at last, well be together!
She sounded so certain, as though there could be no other possibility. She stepped forward, but Nick held up a hand.
Rachel, hang on he began gently. You might not know whats happened.
Her smile faded, confusion flickering over her face. What do you mean? We agreed to meet and work things out!
Nick sighed, realising what was coming.
Im married, Rachel. Have been, for two years. Im very happy with my wife.
Rachel halted, shocked and speechless. She stared wide-eyed for several seconds, unable to believe what she’d heard. Then her expression twisted with panic, hurt, disbelief.
What are you saying? she whispered, shaking her head. Thats impossible you rang me, you said everything was different now!
I rang just to say goodbye properly, Nick replied quietly. To explain that time had moved on, that were both living different lives. But I guess you misunderstood me.
Rachel took a step backwards, fists clenched, trembling. She tried to hold herself together, but the emotions swamped her.
You youve just lied to me all this time! she cried, her voice rising. How could you? I gave up everything for you!
Nick felt irritation bubbling up. He didnt want an argument or to justify himselfbut Rachel wasnt going to go quietly.
I never promised you anything, he said with finality. You chose to believe wed get back togetherI always tried to be gentle, but now its plain for all to see.
Rachel screamed, grabbed one suitcase and, in sudden fury, hurled it against the hallway wall, things spraying everywhere. She was shouting now, accusing and pleading, her voice growing shrill.
Nick had to usher her out, as politely but firmly as he could. He closed the door, praying this would end it. But outside, Rachel hammered on the door, shouting his name. Neighbours peeked through cracked doors; someone tutted, another barked at her to pipe down.
After an hour of shouting, and warnings from neighbours about calling the police, Rachel at last trudged away. As she left, she looked once more at Nicks front door, and through tears, screamed:
Ill be back! Youll regret this!
Nick closed his eyes, overwhelmed by fatigue. He knewit wasnt over. Rachel was stubborn, and if shed set her mind to something, she wouldnt give in easily.
He sat heavily on his sofa, reflecting. Something needed doing. It wasnt safe to stay here anymoreshe could return, cause a scene, stir the neighbours. Nick reached for his phone and brought up a property listing.
Ill just have to sell the flat, and move. Preferably to the opposite side of town, he decided.
***************************
Rachel wandered the streets blindly, tears streaming down her cheeks. All she could hear were the snatches of angry words, accusations, and her own hopes dashed beyond repair. In her mind, Nick was meant to greet her with open arms, to say hed waited and longed for this moment. But reality was harshercold and unyielding.
For hours, she drifted aimlessly until her feet led her to Edwards building. She dabbed her eyes, quickly smoothed her hair, determined to appear composed. With one deep breath, she trudged up to his floor and pressed the doorbell.
Edward took his time to open the door; when he did, his face was set and distant. He stood in the doorway, making no effort to invite her in.
Edward, please she began, voice trembling. I realise what I did. I know how foolish and cruel I was. But II want to put things right.
She faltered, fighting to find the right words. Tears sprang up once more in her eyes.
I swear Ill never mention Nick again. I promise. It was all a terrible mistake. I understand now it’s only you who can make me happy. Please, give me another chance.
She sounded desperate, but meant itat that moment, she really did believe it. If only Edward would take her back, everything would work out.
Edward shook his head, quiet but immovable.
Rachel, he said gently, you already made your choice. Not long ago, you stood in my living room with your suitcases, certain you were leaving for him. You made your mind up.
I was wrong then! she burst in, I didnt know what I was doing! I was emotional! I
Edward sighed, running a hand over his hair, pain and exhaustion in his eyes. He couldnt let her innot again.
You didnt just leave meyou left to be with him. That was your choice, and Ive accepted that. Now, because it turns out he doesnt want you, you want to come back?
Yes! Rachel cried desperately. Because I love you. Only you.
He was silent for a long moment. Then, with a wry smile and utter certainty, he said:
I simply cant believe it anymore. Goodbye, Rachel.
Rachel felt her insides cave. Edwards gaze was calm, almost kind, but there wasnt a hint of hesitation. He didnt trust her anymoreshe could see that clearly.
Please she managed, but her plea was choked off.
Sorry, Edward said quietly, its better for both of us.
He closed the door. Rachel stood for a moment, frozen, then slumped onto the landing and broke down in tears. This time, her tears werent out of anger or hurtthey came from the bitter knowledge that shed lost both Nick and Edward, and didnt have the faintest idea how life was meant to go on.
Now, reflecting on everything, I realise things dont always go as you hope or planno matter how much you want them to. Sometimes you have to accept that whats been lost wont return, and that not every mistake can be undone. You must look forwardsnot backwards. If you cant let go of the past, you lose any hope for happiness in the future. And perhaps the cruellest truth of all: in chasing after yesterday, you might just let slip the best of today.
