Despite the fact that weve already trimmed every possible expense, my husband has now decided we should save money to buy our son his own flat. Yesterday, after getting his latest wages, he told me decisively: Im starting a savings fund to buy a home for our son. Yet, his announcement did not fill me with joy. Let me explain why.
Over ten years ago, my husband moved to our town to earn a living. He works in constructiona tough, thankless job. Before we met, he sent nearly all his wages home to his mother, keeping only enough for a few meals and travel. His workmates urged him to put money aside for his own place, but he was determined to support his mum. She had two other sons, and they helped her too, though none so completely as my future husband.
After we married, the two of us took up residence in my mother and grandmothers flata home that hadnt seen a fresh lick of paint or new wallpaper in ages.
At first, my husband was attentive and kind to me. He was more reserved with my mother and gran, but I chalked it up to nerves in a new environment, thinking it would pass. Instead, as the year went on, things shifted for the worse. He began drinking, was short-tempered with me and Mum, and often made digs about the state of our home. In hindsight, divorce would have been the sensible way out, but he pushed for us to start a family. My hope and naivety made me believe things would brighten with the arrival of a child. So, I became pregnant, and gave birth to our son.
Things only deteriorated. Money was perpetually scarce. My meagre maternity pay just about covered nappies, though by then all money had to be pooled together.
Mum paid the bills out of her limited income, and also bought expensive prescriptions for meIve been struggling with a chronic condition. Whatever she had left went on groceries and household odds-and-ends. My grandmother put away her tiny state pension towards her own funeral expenses, but when we married, she gave us all of her savings for the celebration.
My husband hoped his side of the family would give us something for our wedding, but none did. We went ahead and held a sizeable reception anyway, spending my grans money and his wages, though a modest affair would have been more sensible. He insisted on a big do.
For seven years of marriage, he continued to give financial help to his mother. During that time, her entire house was modernised and fitted out with new appliances using his money. More than once, when we were really struggling, I stumbled across secret stashes of cash he was putting by to send back home. Arguments inevitably followed, and hed promise to stop, but I was never convinced.
When his mother passed away, my husband and his older brother, in what they deemed an honourable gesture (though in my eyes, rather foolish), signed their shares of the house over to their youngest brother. Now, despite being the youngest, hes had little helping hand from their mother, while my husband has paid out endlessly into her house and then turned down a rightful inheritance, leaving himselfand in effect, uswith nothing. No appeal from me could persuade him to keep what was his by law.
Since our son was born, its as if my husbands become a completely different man. He treats me rudely, is stingy when buying food or necessities, and squares up to my mother over anything and nothing. Drinking became more regular. I dont dare pursue divorcethe boy is still small, and Im unwell; there is no guarantee Ill regain my health. Ive also heard whispers at work that they may let me go when my maternity leave endsso, for now, I cant do without my husband.
He takes pleasure in reminding me that Mum, Gran, and I live off his wages. That hes grown weary of supporting us all, even though he knows perfectly well that we all contribute and cobble together one family budgeteach of us, including my mum, gran, me, and him.
Weve spoken many timesjust the two of us, and with Mumabout buying a house for our son. Its been my dream too. But it remains a dream, given how little we have. Then yesterday, he insisted on saving a third of his monthly salarymeaning we would have to really scrimp, live off the barest essentials, and do without for some unknown number of years. I am against this. Yet my husband is adamant it must be as he says.
What terrifies me is I suspect the reason behind his decision isnt truly about buying a flat for our boy one day, but for himself. Given how fraught things have become between us, I fear hes planning to build up savings and then leave me, sacrificing our comfort for his own escape.
I told him my fears. He retorted that he too worries Ill one day divorce him and throw him out. Out of frustration, and fed up with his cutting remarks, I have lashed out with that threat more than once, in the privacy of my mindand sometimes not so privately. Yet, I dont truly want that. If only he would stop being so difficult towards my mother and gran, I wouldnt mention it again.
But hes in no hurry to mend his ways. The life my family and I now live has become a nightmare of my husbands making, and I see no way outat least, not yet.
