Despite the fact that we already pinch every penny, my husband has recently insisted that we start saving for our sons future home. Yesterday, after getting his latest wages, he was resolute: Im going to start saving so we can buy a house for our son one day. I didnt share his enthusiasm. I want to explain why.
Over a decade ago, my husband moved to our city to find work. Hes a builder by tradea tough line of work. Before we met, nearly every pound he earned went straight to his mother, leaving him almost nothing for himself. His workmates encouraged him to save up for a place of his own, but he preferred to turn everything over to her. She had two other sons as well, mind you, and although they supported her too, they certainly didnt give her every last penny as my husband did.
After we married, we set up home in the flat owned by my mother and grandmotherits walls hadnt seen a lick of paint in ages.
Early on, my husband was kind and affectionate with me but much colder towards my mother and grandmother. I thought that was just temporary, that hed warm to them. Unfortunately, after a year, things changed for the worsehe took to drinking, was rude to my mother and me, even complained about our shabby flat. Divorce wouldve been the wiser course, but instead, he pressed to have a child. Foolishly and hopefully, I believed things would get better once our little one arrivedI became pregnant and we had a child.
Things only got worse. Money was tighter than ever. My statutory maternity pay barely covered nappies, yet we pooled all our money.
Mum pays for the utilities from her modest income. She also buys my expensive medicines (I have a chronic illness). The rest goes on food and home essentials. Granny, out of her meagre pension, had managed to save quite a bit for her own funeral, but she ended up giving us all shed set aside for our wedding.
My husband hoped his relatives would contribute to the wedding costs, but not a penny came from them. We threw a big do thanks to my gran and his salary, though we could have marked the occasion more humblyhe insisted on something grand.
In all our seven years of marriage, he sent money to his mum at every opportunity. While her house was fully renovated and filled with new appliances (all thanks to my husbands wages), we struggled. More than once, when we were desperate, I even stumbled upon his secret stasha wad of cash set aside to send to his mum. Arguments followed and promises were made, but it always started again.
After his mother died, he and his older brother, in what I see as blind loyalty, gave up their share of the house to their younger brother. My husband had poured everything into that place, and yet now, for all his efforts, he walked away empty-handed. My pleas to claim what was legally his fell on deaf ears.
After our sons birth, it was as if my husband had become a different person. He snapped at me, was stingy with shopping and essentials, and argued with my mother for no reason. Drinking became more frequent. I cant bring myself to file for divorceour child is still young and with my poor health, I have no idea if Ill recover. Theres even talk I might lose my job after maternity leaveI rely on him, for now.
He seems to thrive on my struggles. Hes always quick to point out that my mum and gran live off his earnings, saying hes fed up supporting us all. But he knows full well that our household survives on a joint effortmy mum, gran, me, and him all contribute.
Weve discussed buying a house for our sonmy dream toobut its just not possible with our finances. Still, yesterday, he announced hed be saving a third of his income, meaning wed all have to tighten our belts even more, indefinitely. Im against it. But hes adamant itll be done his way.
Frankly, Im worried his real reason isnt to secure our sons future, but his own. Given the tension between us now, I suspect hes saving to one day leave me, whatever the cost to the rest of us.
I voiced these concerns. He replied that he fears Ill divorce him and throw him out. More than once, Ive threatened it in my head simply out of frustration, but I dont truly want to do it. If only hed stop being so harsh to my mum and gran, Id never say anything about kicking him out.
But he shows no intention of changing. Life with him has become a waking nightmare for me and my family, and I cant yet see a way out.
If theres a lesson in all this, its that kindness and sacrifice must be balanced with common sense. A family thrives on mutual respect, not on self-denial or endless bitterness. Without that, no amount of saving can make a house feel like a home.
