My grandmother was, in many ways, a downright unpleasant characterbrilliantly challenging, if you will.
My mum and dad split up when I was little more than a tot; honestly, I dont recall anything about my dad at all. Mum moved us into Grans house when I was five, and that was where my formative years unravelledwith Gran at the helm.
Gran was a real stickler. Her rules: obey and work hard. I cant recall a single fond memory involving her, if Im being honest.
People tend to reminisce fondly about childhood, but mines not something I’d care to revisit. Theres simply nothing there. Mum was spectacularly unhelpful. Nowhere to run: it was the nineties, after all. My fantasies were strictly limited to money and jobs. Gran liked to boss us abouther word was gospel, whether mum or myself.
So, we muddled through. Publicly, we played happy families.
When I hit Year 5, Mum’s love life finally took a turn for the better. A chap whisked her off to live with him, and a year later I joined them. My stepdad wasn’t mad for me, but he was at least civil. After years of friction with Gran, living with my stepdad felt positively heavenly.
Gran, true to form, disapproved vigorously. Mum was delighted to escape her skirted tyrant. They severed all ties thereafter.
I do ring Gran now and then.
Once a month, I steel myself for the ordeal. I stick to trivialitiesnothing meatyto avoid unleashing the full force of her negativity. We exchange a handful of pleasantries and bland remarks. On birthdays and name days, I pop round with flowers and a cakestrictly no more than thirty minutes, thank you very much. Thats essentially our entire relationship.
Nowadays, lifes treating me well. I’ve got a lovely bloke, a little one, and a tight-knit family. Recently, my husband and I decided to buy a flat on mortgage in another city. Gran turned 80 last year.
She was sprightly once, expertly running her household solo. These days, shes withdrawncant leave the house, never mind cook a meal. Mostly, shes propped up in bed, but she still shuffles about indoors. Shes gotten poorly latelyher neighbours have been looking after everything. Gran needs care, and thats that.
This is where every distant relative emerges from the woodwork, phoning me up to administer a guilt trip. Mum and her husband live abroad and are unreachable, so apparently, the buck stops with me.
But I know exactly whats coming. Sure, she raised me, looked after me, taught me. Technically, its my turn to repay the favourbut honestly, Ive no enthusiasm for it! She never loved me as a child. Ive managed to let go of the resentment for her actions, but forgiveness is still out of reach. Yet, theres a lingering sense of guilt. I understand the old girl needs help.
Best solution would be a nurse, but the bank balance isnt terribly accommodating. Ive got a small child, a mortgage, and my sons often poorly.
So what now?
Does a granddaughter have to look after her elderly grandmother, or is she within her rights to say not my circus, not my monkeysespecially when shes not laying claim to any inheritance? She wants neither the granny nor her legacy.
