You ask how I reached this point in my life, or how I learned to accept it, but Ill tell you: all women who truly love are blind. I was blind. My whole life, I was striving and learning. My mother told me, ever since I was a little girl, that if I wanted a good life, I had to work hard. She also said a woman should be strong and independent, so that if anything ever happens, she can stand on her own two feet.
Its funny, but that last piece of advice ended up playing a cruel trick on me. Whenever I dated men, I would act too independent, and very few liked that. Most men back then seemed to want a gentle woman they could care for, someone who brought out their strength and masculinity. But I always looked after myself.
Eventually, I began to pour all my energy into work. I was single well into my thirties, until I met David when I was thirty-five. He was the same age as me. What surprised me was that he accepted my independence. He never insisted on helping when I said Id manage, and he never gave me flowers or whispered sweet, empty words that I couldnt stand. With David, I was an equal partner. I should have realised what this so-called equality would cost me, when in truth, it wasnt equal at all.
We got married, and David moved in with me. He didnt have his own place, he lived with his mum in Manchester. I never wanted to move in with my mother-in-law; Id heard too many stories about that and it never appealed to me. In the first month, David didnt give me a penny from his wages, saying he still had to finish paying off a small loan hed taken for his mums operation.
I didnt say anything. I tried to be understanding. Were a family, I thought. Let him pay off the loan and then well sort things together. But seven months later, the loan still wasnt paid off. He kept saying his wages werent enough, or that his hours got cut, or some other reason. All the while, I was covering food, bills, entertainmenteverything. Then he began to tell me he was saving for us to buy a cottage out in the countryside, maybe for holidays.
But for five years, I never saw a bank statement or any proof. We were supposed to be a family. Eventually, I confronted him. How is it possible that I have been financially supporting him for five years? Thats not right. He packed his bags and went back to his mums. Just like that. Three days later, unable to stand it, I brought him back. And again, it was the same story. He wouldnt give me a single pound for anything. And now, Im worn out. Id like to spend money on little luxuries for myself, but I dont have any extraeverything goes toward the family.
What should I do? Should I divorce him? Will he ever change? Sometimes love makes us blind, and independence is no guarantee of happiness. In life, balancing love and self-respect is crucial; you can give your heart, but you must always remember to give yourself the care and dignity you deserve.
