Six months ago, our family was struck by a proper catastrophe: my dad passed away.
A little while after the funeral, Dad’s brothermy uncle Colinturned up for a visit. Uncle Colins appearances were about as rare as hens teeth. He and Dad werent exactly at odds, but lets say their relationship had all the warmth of a British winter. Each of them had always minded their own business.
How was your journey? I asked. And why are you calling me by my first name? Because Im your favourite uncle! Colin replied with a grin so sugary, it could make a dentist weepas if he actually was my favourite uncle.
He hadnt said he was coming, so we werent ready for his sudden arrival. In fact, we hadnt spoken since Dads funeralnot even a postcard, let alone a phone call. Then, without warning, there he was, looming in the hallway.
Settling down with a cuppa, Uncle Colin got straight to his favourite topic: How are we dividing the inheritance, then? Just the three of us? No extras? Mum almost spat out her tea, startled out of her senses. Inheritance? What inheritance?
There was, admittedly, a fair bit to inherit: a lovely flat, an absolutely smashing country house, and a pair of decent motorcars. Mum had tried to convince me to sell the country pile and get myself a flat in London, where I was studying. But we weren’t in any rush; we decided to sit tight for now.
What inheritance? Well, brother dearests estate, of course! Colin replied, as if he was at the reading of the will. If Martha and I hadnt been around, youd have had it all! So technically, you shouldnt get anything! But Im his brother! Im entitled to a share! Absolutely not. The law says were in the clear! Well, its hardly fair, is it?
Uncle Colin is cleverin a slippery sort of wayso he knew perfectly well he wasn’t entitled to a penny. Still, he decided to have a go at tugging our heartstrings. We heard no rhyme nor reason in any of his arguments. Dad and Colin were never pals, so there was no natural claim on Dads estate.
When Dad got ill, hed made it clear: everything should go to me and Mum. Dad had no intention of sharing the familys treasures with anyone else.
As for our conscience, Colin, Mum said, none for you, Im afraid! And you know full well! You were never close to your brother! Its just like a bad soap! Man marries, wife gets everything. Parents, siblings, cousinsthey dont see so much as a fiver!
Colin ramped up his guilt offensive, pressuring us to split it all three ways. Right, were done here! We wont discuss this again! Mum declared, putting an end to it.
When Uncle Colin finally departed, Mum and I locked up the house and headed back to our city flat. Knowing Colin, there was no chance hed let this go. After all, we had quite a bit worth fighting overa third of a country mansion, a third of a posh flat in central London, and a third of two motorcars. Not exactly petty cash.
Uncle Colin took us to court, hoping to win his share. But the laws firmly on our side. What in the world does he expect to gain?
