I was sixteen years old when I fell pregnant by a boy I loved deeply. Id been seeing William for a year, and then it happened. William was in my class at school. We were both terrified when we realised I was expecting, so we kept it a secret from my parents. When my parents eventually found out, they were furious.
Our family had always been seen as upstanding. I was their only daughter and I had an excellent academic record. Both William and I were still minors, so our parents made the decision for us.
We were both excelling in our studies, and our parents had always dreamed wed attend top universities and build successful careers. A baby would have put those dreams in jeopardy.
So my mum forced me to have an abortion. It wasnt too late at the time, so we went through with it. The procedure was straightforward.
Afterwards, William and I tried to get back to normal. We stayed together, finished our A-levels, went to university, and a year later got married. Our parents no longer interfered. Then I fell pregnant again, and there was so much excitement and happiness in both families.
But at six months, things took a turnI started bleeding. Our little boy was born very small, weighing just about three pounds. He survived only three hours after birth.
There were serious complications. The doctors couldnt stop the bleeding and had to remove my womb. I will never be able to have children. Mum visited me in hospital and told me she was truly sorry for forcing me to have that abortion years ago. But her apology doesnt change the pain.
You cannot erase the past or undo past mistakes. I will never become a mother now, never have a child of my own. Im not sure whether William and I will be able to stay together and find real happiness. After all, children mean so much to what people see as a normal family.
