Many young daughters-in-law suffer in silence due to their in-laws and have no one to confide in.
Our first wedding anniversary is approaching. The relationship with my mother-in-law is far from settled. We mostly misunderstand each other, and it’s by no means perfectfar from it.
Before the wedding, Id asked my husband if he could introduce me to his mum, since hed already met mine. But he kept delaying: there wasnt enough time, my mother was busy, something else always came up. He insisted, Youll have plenty of time to get to know each other. In the end, we met for the very first time on our wedding day. The encounter was frosty: my warm, smiling Good morning! was answered through clenched teeth with a flat, Morning.
Up till then, my husband had always said his mum was wonderful, fair, and understanding. Once, I even mentioned that I worried she might interfere in our livesafter all, Id seen it happen so often. But he reassured me: My mums not like that at all. Shes always said its up to me to choose my wife, and shed never judge my choice or lecture me about life.
A few days after the wedding, my husband came home from work looking lost in thought as he stirred his tea. I asked what was bothering him. His answer caught me off-guard:
I think my mum might not like you.
It turned out his mum disapproved of the fact I dont scrub eggs with baking soda before using them. I sometimes leave dishes in the sink because its easier. I leave the washing-up sponge on the side, not on its own saucer. I even make all the stock for soup in one go, not boiling it in two lots of water. And apparently, there were many, many more faults just like these. I was stunned.
I asked my husband, But why wouldnt she like me? This is our family now. She doesnt live with us.
He replied, But Im her son! Ive always lived this wayits what Im used to. So you should do things her way, too.
I protested that our home is different, not like the one he grew up in. I should be able to live how I wish in my own house.
But he told me that from now on, our lives would follow a new set of rules, and I needed to get on board with them.
After that, we managed fairly well for four months. When I saw my mother-in-law, shed smile and politely inquire about my work, our home life, and whether her son helped out around the house. When we got a dog, it took barely a week before half the neighbourhood knew that I didnt cook him bones and meat. Word spread that I was a fool for feeding the dog raw food. Poor mother-in-law, coping with such a careless daughter-in-law! Apparently, I was absolutely useless.
I hadnt realised just how useless I must be. One morning, a friend I was walking the dog with told me all about it. I didnt enjoy hearing these things from a stranger. I asked my husband to speak to his mother, but he just laughed and told me to let it go. Now my mother-in-law is apparently quite resentful toward me. Im always polite with her, but all I get is a curt “Good afternoon.”
My husband believes I dont respect his mother. After all, I wont adopt her family routine, and I dont try to make friends with her. It seems the only thing she misses is…our dog. By the way, his parents take it upon themselves to drop round for tea quite often without asking.
But the real challenge is yet to come, because soon well have to move in with them for a while. I have no idea how I’ll manage. The thought of what things will be like if we have a child one day terrifies me. I can only imagine the neighbours being well-briefed on how I look after or feed the baby. I may end up running home to my own parents for some peace. Somehow, I doubt my mother-in-law will ever let me settle in quietly.
In English families, as elsewhere, balancing traditions and personalities takes time and patience. The important lesson is this: take heart, stand by your values, and remember that respect is a bridge best built from both sides. Otherwise, no household can ever truly be a home.
