June 10th
I write this tonight with a heavy heart, feeling as though the world is pressing against my very spirit. My daughter Emily and I have been managing on the meagre child support from her biological father, Robert. The whole thing is a result of my former husbands endless meddlingI can barely hold down a job because he ensures no doors are left open for me. Even when Im lucky enough to be taken on somewhere, its only a matter of time before Im let go, without so much as an explanation. I know full well whos behind it.
All my troubles began when I filed for divorce. I simply couldnt tolerate sharing my life with Robert any longer. Id hoped we might part ways quietly, with no fuss or drama, but it was never going to be that simple. He fought tooth and nail against the divorce.
Once it was finally settled, I took Emily and went to visit my parents in Birmingham. My mother doted on Emily, keeping her from under my feet while I went out in search of work. Truth be told, my only real work experience had been as a cashier in a small shop some years ago; Id no clue about much else. But Robert, being the manager of a major retail chain, saw to itthrough his connections and influencethat I was blacklisted everywhere.
There wasnt a single shop in town willing to take me on. On the off chance I landed a position, it was never long before I was shown the door. Robert always claimed it was nothing to do with him, insisting my lack of education and experience were to blame. Meanwhile, the child maintenance he begrudgingly pays us barely covers the bills, groceries, and daily essentials for our home. Even with my mothers pension helping us along, we struggle to afford even lifes simplest needs.
Every time Robert comes by to see Emily, he takes it upon himself to belittle me. He tells her, right in front of me, that her foolish mother left her father and as a result, were left in near-poverty, scrimping on food and toys, while Daddy feels dreadfully sorry for her. He thrusts a wad of pounds into her hand, beams at her, and leaves.
I dismissed this at first, but Emilys just a little girlshe doesnt understand why her father is always flush with money whilst I have none. Lately, shes begun asking to live with him: Daddys lovely and gets me everything I want. Youre cunning and mean, so I want to live with Daddy!
I truly dont know how much more I can take; Im stretched to my limits. My mother does her best to keep me strong, always saying well get by, but I seriously doubt myselfRobert knows my every weakness and uses them to grind me down whenever he can. I can hardly imagine what carrying on like this will do to me.
Looking back on everything, I suppose the lesson is this: Sometimes those you trust most can become the ones to drag you down the hardest. You have to try to build yourself up, even when it seems impossiblebecause in the end, your strength is all you’ve truly got.
