Diary Entry, Sunday Evening
In three months, Ill be marrying my fiancé, Nicholas. My own family keeps weddings simple a ceremony, some hearty food, music, dancing, and that’s that. But Nicholas family has a particular tradition: at the wedding, the bride must give a toast to thank the grooms parents and offer them a symbolic gift for welcoming her into their family.
Only the bride. Not the groom.
When his mother first told me about it, I genuinely thought she was joking. She explained its been this way for generations: the bride thanks the grooms parents for opening the door to their family. To me, it felt less like gratitude and more like a weird kind of test for acceptance.
I suggested that Nicholas and I should both give the toast, thanking both sets of parents together. She smiled that slight smile and replied that was a modern invention. Nicholas seemed unconcerned at first, but at the next family dinner, his father insisted that their family honours traditions. His mother added that they dont want a daughter-in-law who comes in to change everything.
The word want made me feel uneasy, as if I were some vacancy they were looking to fill.
When we got home, I talked it through with Nicholas. I told him I wasnt refusing to show gratitude, but I didnt want to be the only one bowing down while he stood apart. He said it was just a gesture. I asked why it wasnt reciprocated. He was stumped. All he managed was, I just dont want trouble with my parents.
So I suggested another way: we both raise a joint toast, thanking both families, and give a present to each pair of parents. To me, that was even more heartfelt.
When we brought it up, his mothers face turned solemn. She said that approach blurs the tradition. His father added that if I start like this, Id soon want to run the entire show. Thats when I recognised the real issue.
It wasnt about the toast. It was about territory.
To keep things from boiling over, I proposed doing the toast privately before the ceremony. But his mother refused, insisting it must be done in front of all the guests to make my respect visible.
Something stirred inside me then. I do respect people. But I dont believe in gestures that make me feel small.
Nicholas pleaded with me to just go along, for the sake of peace, since thats how things are done in his fathers village.
And I finally said something I never imagined Id say before my wedding: If keeping the peace always means me giving inthen it isnt peace. Its just control.
Now Nicholas is caught between me and his parents. My mum advises I shouldnt start my marriage with conflict with my in-laws. My closest friend says that if I give in now, Ill have to give in to bigger things later. Nicholas parents already tell people Im difficult and disrespectful.
To me, its simple. I can say thank you, absolutely. But I cannot accept rules that apply only to me, simply because Im the bride.
Honestly Im not sure if refusing that tradition makes me wrong. But I dont know that following it blindly would be right either.
