I was knee-deep in housework on my one precious day off when out of nowhere, an acquaintance called and essentially announced, “We’re coming over,” as if it was the Queens orders. No matter how much I protested that I was busy scrubbing floors, she performed her best impression of selective hearing.
Ten minutes later, there they werestanding at my door. I cant say I was thrilled to see young Toby, especially given his reputation for causing more chaos than a herd of stampeding squirrels.
We ended up sipping tea in the kitchen (because coffee just isnt British enough), while Toby was glued to the telly watching cartoons. Moments later, there was a dramatic crash from the living room. I rushed in only to discover my beloved fish tank in ruins. Fish were flopping hopelessly on the carpet, and water was exploring every possible nook.
My friend immediately dashed to Tobys side, checking if hed survived the commotion. Meanwhile, I was wringing out the carpet with a towel, desperately hoping I wouldnt turn my downstairs neighbors flat into a swimming pool. After I finished cleaning up, my friend suddenly announced they were off.
Could you maybe help me drag the rug to the dry cleaners? I asked hopefully. Oh no, she replied, Tobys terribly shaken. We need to soothe him.
Curious, I asked Toby how he managed to end up nose-to-nose with my aquarium. He claimed a paper airplane had crash-landed inside, and he simply had to retrieve it. Oddly enough, not a single paper airplane was anywhere to be found. He pointed mysteriously at the cupboard, saying thats where he got it. Turns out, hed made it from my marriage certificate.
Well, youll just have to get a new one, my friend remarked breezily, as though duplicate certificates were sold at the newsagent.
Of course, I shouldnt have worriedjust buy another fish tank, get a fresh certificate, and cover the neighbors repairs. Naturally, my friend blamed me. You shouldnt leave documents lying around in plain sight! she insisted.
When they finally left, I hurried downstairs to check on my neighbor, made sure there were no aquatic surprises, finished tidying up, and collapsed in bed. Later that evening, my friend messaged me, claiming I owed her money because theyd seen a psychologist and Toby was traumatised. I didnt replyI simply blocked her number and enjoyed the peace.
