Many young daughters-in-law suffer in silence because of their in-laws, unable to confide in anyone.
The first anniversary of our wedding is drawing near. My relationship with my mother-in-law is still on shaky ground. Were more like awkward acquaintances than anything remotely harmoniouscertainly not close, that’s for sure.
Before our wedding, I kept asking my husband if I could meet his mother, since he already knew mine. Every time, he found a reason to put it off: time wasn’t right, or my mother was too busy, or something else would come up. People always say, “You’ll have plenty of time to get to know each other.” In the end, the first time I met her was on our wedding day. The meeting went like this: my hopeful and bright “Good morning!” was met with a stilted, forced “Good morning” through gritted teeth.
Earlier, my husband had told me his mother was marvellous, that she was understanding in every way. Still, I did express my worry that she might start interfering in our life togetherI’d seen it happen before. He tried to reassure me she wasnt that sort. He always insisted he would choose his own wife, marry whom he pleased, and his mother would never fault him for it or lecture him about such things. A few days after the wedding, my husband came back from work, sitting silently in the kitchen over a mug of tea, deep in thought. When I asked what was wrong, his answer caught me off guard:
I think my mother might not be very fond of you.
Turns out my mother-in-law doesn’t care for the fact that I dont scrub eggs with baking soda before using them. Or that I leave dishes in the sink, simply because its convenient. I leave the washing-up sponge on the side rather than setting it tidily on a separate plate. When I make stock, I do it all at once instead of changing the water halfway through. And there are plenty more such things. I was flabbergasted!
So I asked him:
Whats there not to like about me? You and I have our own home, and she doesnt live with us.
But Im her son, he insisted. I grew up a certain way. You really ought to do things her way.
I objected that my kitchen was not like his childhood home, and I was free to run my own life as I wished.
He replied that things would have to be done differently now, and I might as well get used to the new rules.
After that conversation, things trundled along fairly smoothly for four months. Whenever we saw my mother-in-law, she’d flash me a polite smile and ask about my work, how we were getting on, whether her son helped around the house. When we got a dog, it took about a week and a half for half the town to rumour that I never cooked up bones or meat for the poor creature. That I was a fool, feeding it raw food. That my poor mother-in-law couldnt believe the useless sort her daughter-in-law turned out to be. I seemed to be the object of scorn!
I didnt even realise my own failings until another dog-walker mentioned it to me that very morning. I didnt appreciate hearing things about myself from strangers. I told my husband to have a word with his mother, but he just chuckled and told me to forget about it. Now my mother-in-law seems to have some grudge against me too. I always greet her warmly, yet she only ever gives a frosty good afternoon.
My husband is convinced its me who disrespects his mother. Apparently, I wont accept their family customs, and dont try hard enough to befriend his mother. In truth, it seems shes simply missing our dog. Oh, and by the way, his parents often drop bycompletely uninvitedfor tea.
The real trouble is yet to come: well soon have to live in their flat for a time. I cant even imagine how Ill cope there. Its almost frightening to think what will happen if we ever have a child. Probably every neighbour will know precisely how I bathe and feed the baby. I think I might have to return to my own parents place. I doubt my mother-in-law would ever let me live peacefully under her roof.
