My son isnt divorced, he lives with his girlfriend, but honestly, he has not an ounce of say in their household. Every time I try to come round, my daughter-in-law insists I promise how much money Ill bring; otherwise, she wont let me see my grandson.
They got married two years ago. I never cared for this young woman from the start. She always had this jealous look in her eyes and greedy hands. The moment she had the marriage certificate, she started demanding that I sell my flat, insisting that half of it should go towards helping her and my son buy a proper place as if hes not a proper man without his own home.
We argued about this, because firstly, I have a daughter as well, and secondly, why on earth should I sell my flat just to please my daughter-in-law? Ive already given my children everything a parent should: an education, a start in life, and the rest, as I told them, they should earn by their own wits, just as my late husband and I did. Nothing was just handed to us.
My daughter, for example, is still single, working hard, and shes taken out a mortgage on a place of her own. For a while, she lived with me and rented out her flat to cover the payments, but now she lives independently. My son, on the other hand, is absolutely hopeless. He doesnt want anything for himself, just mindlessly listens to whatever his wife says. He refuses to live with meshe put her foot down too, saying its beneath her to rent a place.
Frankly, I wasnt keen on the idea of sharing my home with her either, but I might have put up with it if theyd saved for a deposit. But I certainly have no intention of selling or giving away anything. When Im gone, my children will inherit half each, and theyll have to sort it out themselves.
I made all this clear to my daughter-in-law, and I didnt mince my words. She even had the nerve to say, Isnt it rather selfish to keep all three bedrooms to yourself? Honestly, what attitude is that? I asked my son to put his foot down, but he just muttered something and stared at the floor.
Sometimes I wonder how my son turned out this way. My whole family is strong-willed, yet my son behaves like a doormat. I suspect his wife simply wanted to get married quickly, and he happened to be nearby.
After that row about the flat, my daughter-in-law stopped speaking to me. My son would call now and then, but never visited apparently, his wife had forbidden it. When I finally got a call saying I was going to be a grandmother, I was moved it was my first grandchild, after all. I tried to mend fences for the babys sake, bought a gift and a nice cake, and went over. But she immediately began grumbling that her child would be born in someone elses home, like a vagrant, and started in on the flat again.
That visit ended badly, unsurprisingly. I refused to argue with a pregnant woman, so I left quietly. In the end, I didnt see her at all until the baby was born my own health was shaky too and I was running to hospital appointments. I only found out my grandson had been born a week later, when my son rang, almost out of duty.
He invited me over to meet the baby but before I could even set foot inside, my daughter-in-law said there was no need to bother with gifts, just to bring money instead. I didnt argue, thinking perhaps they needed it more, so I took £500, thinking its not every day your first grandson is born. When I got there, she actually opened the envelope at the door and sneered, as though that amount was nothing to her. She didnt say much, but her disappointment was all over her face. I saw my grandson, and he was lovely the spitting image of his father but I didnt stay long.
That was that. I was never invited round again, and I chose not to push my way in after all, parenting is overwhelming in the early days. Three months later, realising they werent about to call me, I rang my son myself and asked if I could visit.
I took along something for the baby and a nice cake for tea. My daughter-in-law took the gifts with a frown and said, You should know by now we dont need your hand-me-down presents, we need proper money for the child.
I asked incredulously, You mean I must bring cash every time I want to see my grandson?
She replied, What do you expect? Were forced to rent because of you, and my husband is the only one working. You havent done anything for my son, so the least you can do is pay your way.
I was so indignant I could hardly speak. My son just stood there, holding the baby, blinking helplessly.
I turned around and left. I refuse to be bullied by someone so entitled! Ill not buy my way into a relationship with my own grandson.
We havent spoken in nearly a year, neither they to me nor me to them. Then, last week, my son actually called, reminding me its my grandsons birthday and that I could come, but not to forget a present. His wife immediately came on the line and stated the amount expected the sum was equal to my entire monthly pension.
I didnt go, simply because I couldnt afford it. Ive had to accept that I dont really have a grandson or even a son anymore. If I truly had a son, he wouldnt let his wife blackmail me with access to my grandchild. Let them stew in their own problems. Im not going to pay to see my own grandson.
Now Im considering what to do about my flat I want to make sure that not even a scrap of it ends up in the hands of my soft-hearted son or that greedy woman after Im gone.
