Just before I got married, friends warned me that once a man ties the knot, he starts to act as if his wife belongs to him, revealing a side shes never seen before.
But, like so many young, starry-eyed women, I convinced myself my husband would be different. Before our wedding, he was always attentive and gentle, never said a harsh word, never raised his voice. He seemed genuinely afraid to upset me and insisted on us doing everything together. I was sure our story would have a happy ending, butlike many womenI was mistaken. It is true that once a man believes hes won a womans heart, he can change.
A few months after we married, my husband started criticising my mother. Why does she call you so much? Why does she have to visit every week? hed say. I went along with his wishes, worried about my marriage, and asked my mum not to come around so often. I would only ring her when he was out. But that wasnt the end of it. When I became pregnant and had to give up my job, I was forced to stay home on bed rest for the sake of the baby. My boss didnt renew my contract. Thats when my husband began to have a go at me: Youre at home all day, just lazing about, doing nothing! Again, I said nothingI was pregnant, and what if he left me?
When our daughter was a year and a half old, things got worse. My husband started acting as though I ought to treat him like some kind of king. Every night when he came home from work, he expected me to be waiting for him at the door, slippers ready, dinner piping hot on the table. He never lifted a finger with the baby, because thats a womans job.
Bit by bit, I became thoroughly drained. In the end, I packed our things and took our daughter to stay at my mothers house. I didnt speak to my husband for two months. Life moved on: I returned to work, started taking care of myself, and day by day, I looked and felt better.
One afternoon, he turned up at my mothers door looking thin, tired, and dishevelled, and dropped to his knees to beg for forgiveness. I told him plainly: if he wanted us back, hed have to take a cookery course. If I came home, hed have to share in cleaning and cooking, too. He agreed, but only time would tell if he truly meant it.
I learned that in a relationship, respect must go both ways. None of us is the others servant, and true partnership is built on kindness and understanding, not control.
