Yesterday, I was sitting on a bench in the park with my neighbour, and she was in tears. She kept saying what a shame it was, the thought of ending up in a care home. To just give up on life, to resign oneself so willingly. And all because of a few words from her own daughter.
Shed raised her daughter single-handedly, with no husband to help. Widowed early, everything fell on her shoulders. Her daughter ended up a bit spoilt, always getting her own way.
From the time she was little, she was used to her mum doing everything for her. The last penny would go to that child. She would buy her any toy she asked for, every bit of clothing, dressing her up like a doll. To provide for her, and just to keep the house running, my neighbour worked round the clock. Sometimes shed do double shifts at the factory. Back then, she didnt need to worry about finding a place to liveshe got a flat through work. But those days are long gone. Nobody gives out council flats to factory workers now. These days, you have to graft and save up for a home of your own.
Her daughter grew up, went off to university, and eventually married.
Her son-in-laws parents have a big house outside Manchester, but neither of them wanted to live there.
My neighbour does have her own flat, but she and her son-in-law just dont get along. And you know, living with parents really isnt ideal for young couples. They want to do things their way, the older generation has its habits. Why should they keep getting in each others way?
Especially now, when its possible to get a mortgage. You just have to save up for a deposit, and then pay the rest off bit by bit. Its surely better than hopping between rented flats forever.
Back then, you might have been handed a council flat, but thats a thing of the past. Now its all down to your own hard work, your own saving, however tough it is.
Her daughter and son-in-law both have decent jobs and decent wages. Plenty of their mates have bought their own places by now.
But somehow, saving up is a struggle for them. First it was a baby, then another one. A small fortune goes on nappies and formula. These days, no one wants to go through the hassle of cloth nappies or standing at the cooker making porridge for the baby.
Its easier to just buy ready-madea quick stir and its done. Disposable nappies, straight out the packet, on and off, no messing about. Nice and tidy. No endless laundry. Thats the way of the world now.
But why did they have to rush into having kids right away?
They couldve got themselves settled first, bought a flat, then thought about starting a family. But no, it had to be one after the other.
The neighbours daughter dreams of a big family. She and her husband were both only children themselves.
In a way, I suppose she might be right. Down the line, siblings can help support each otherand their parents too. Maybe the kids wont end up spoilt that way.
Children are a blessing, they really are. But so many people seem to brush them off in the end. Not that theyd ever admit it.
But I cant fathom ithows it not their responsibility? If you dont own your own place, surely you find a way to cut back, wear the same old coat winter after winter, and put aside whatever you can toward a home. Thats what we did. Young people today are different, though. They want everything right now. Sacrifices and saving up for big goals are foreign to them.
Theyre used to eating outeven with children in tow. They pile their shopping trolleys high with sweets for the kids, which is just throwing money away. Then, their houses are full of toys. We made do with a couple of cars and dolls, but now theres always some new set, some new collection out every week.
And the parents go and buy the lot.
The neighbours daughter loves quality makeup and always dresses in branded clothes. They live beyond their means. Whats the point of buying all those things, most of which never even get worn? Fashion changes, she needs another top or jacket, and the old stuff gets chucked or given away. And think of all the money wasted.
Every summer, theyre off for a fortnight to Spain or Greece. The kids need a seaside break, and apparently, so do they.
Its lovely, a holiday, I get it. But why not spend summers in the countryside, put a bit of money aside instead?
All those holidayswhat theyve spent in the Med, they could have put towards a one-bedroom flat of their own. It might be small, but at least it would be theirs. Instead, they run here and there, spending money, and still, years later, have nothing to call home.
So here I am, watching my neighbour cry her heart out.
Her daughter had popped round to see her. Yet again, the conversation veered onto housing. The daughter said theres no need to buy a flat, theyre quite comfortable renting. They have their independence, eat what they fancy, dress themselves. And in the end, theyll end up with a flat anyway. After all, she and her husband are both only children.
My neighbour was so hurtshe said she felt as though they were just waiting for her to die. The daughter apologised, said she hadnt meant it that way. But she was right in her wayitll all pass to them regardless.
I can see the daughters point, and maybe theres nothing wrong in what she said. Still, it left a sour taste. Now, when her daughter rings up to check how shes getting on, my neighbour gets upset. Shes convinced theyre just waiting for her to pack her bags and head off to a care home, or worse…
