Yesterday, I was sitting on a bench with my neighbour, Susan, and she was in tears. She kept saying how dreadful it is to end up in a care home. To just give up, as if youre no longer wanted. And all because of a few words from her daughter.
Susan raised her daughter, Emily, all on her own after her husband passed away quite young. She had to shoulder everything by herself. Unfortunately, Emily grew up a bit spoilt and demanding.
From the time she was little, Emily expected Susan to do everything for her. Shed hand over her last penny, buying all sorts of things Emily fancied. She would dress her up in the loveliest outfits, like a little doll. In order to give Emily all these comforts, Susan worked herself to the bone, often taking double shifts at the biscuit factory. Thankfully, back then, she didnt have to worry about a place to live. The factory offered their workers flats, so housing wasnt an issue. Times are different now. No one gets given flats anymore. These days, youre left to earn and save up for your own home.
Emily eventually grew up, went off to university, and got married.
Her husbands parents have a big house in the countryside, but the newlyweds didnt want to live there.
Susan still has her own flat, but she just doesnt get on with her son-in-law. To be fair, its not ideal for young couples to live with parents. They want to have their own ways, their own routines, and older folks have theirs too. Why should anyone upset their daily life for the sake of it?
Besides, you can take out a mortgage these days. The main thing is to save up for that deposit, and then gradually pay the rest off. Far better than hopping about in rented places, always at someone elses mercy.
It used to be that flats were handed out, but those days are long gone. Its about working hard and saving, no matter how much of a struggle it is.
Emily and her husband both have decent jobs, earn a respectable amount. Loads of their friends have managed to buy their own places in this way already.
But they just cant seem to save. First it was one pregnancy, and then another. They spend heaps of money on nappies and formula milk. These days, young couples wont even think of boiling nappies or preparing proper food themselves.
Its all about the conveniencegrab a pack, dilute the formula, job done. Change the nappy, bin it, start again. Its all clean, dry, no hassle. Thats the modern ideal of a good life.
But honestly, why rush into having children?
They could have settled down, bought a place of their own first. Thered be plenty of time for children later. But no, it was one after another.
Emily wants a whole brood, since both she and her husband grew up as only children.
Perhaps theres some sense in that. Later on, siblings can rely on each other, offer support, help out with elderly parents. Maybe they wont turn out so spoilt that way.
Children are a joy, I dont deny it. But Ive never quite understood how some people can treat them like yet another obligation to step away from. But thats just my view.
Even now, I cant comprehend it. Surely, if you havent got your own flat, youd want to save every spare penny, put off luxuries, wear that same old coat for another winter, just to put a little bit extra aside for a deposit. We all used to do that. But todays youngsters are different. They want everything straight away, not used to sacrificing or saving for bigger dreams.
They eat out all the time too, and buy so many sweets and chocolates for the children. Its such a wastejust money down the drain. Then there are all these toys cluttering the house. We used to make do with just a couple of cars and one or two dolls. These days, theres a new collection every week.
And the parents run off and buy the latest craze every time.
Susan always says Emily has expensive tasteshe loves posh make-up and branded clothes. Shes always buying more, too. Why so many? She barely has time to wear half her wardrobe. Then, of course, fashion changes, and shes after another blouse or jacket, binning or giving away whats still decent. How much has simply gone to waste?
Every summer, theyre off to Spain or Greece for holiday. The children must experience the seaside, apparently, and the adults need a break from work too.
A holiday is lovely, of course. But why not just have a getaway in the Lake District or Cornwall, and tuck away the money instead?
If they only saved what they spent on those foreign holidays, by now Emily and her husband couldve put down a deposit on a small one-bedroom flat. Perhaps it would be cramped, but at least it would be theirs. Instead, they flit from one place to the next, spending all they have and still dont have a home of their own.
And so, Susan was left heartbroken.
Emily had come round to visit. They started talking about the flat again. And Emily said that theyre managing fine in their rented place, happy with their lifestyle, eating out, buying what they want, living how they wish. And someday, theyll inherit a flat anyway, since both she and her husband are their parents only children.
That cut deep. It felt to Susan as if her daughter was just biding time, waiting for her to go. Emily apologised straight after, of course, and explained that it isnt like that at all, but still, those words linger.
Honestly, I see Emilys pointtheres nothing factually wrong in what she saidbut it was all so painfully blunt. Now, whenever Emily rings to check in, Susan works herself up with worry. She cant help but wonder if theyre waiting for her to pack her bags for a nursing homeor worse, for the end.
