Love Yourself, and Everything Will Be Alright
Outside, a biting wind howls, the sky heavy and grey, echoing the mood inside Emily. She sits alone in her spacious house in the Surrey countryside. She has everythingexcept company. Even her husband, Richard, is nowhere to be seen; hes run out for some business again this evening, and Emily knows too well what kind of business that usually means.
Her son and daughter left home years ago. Her son, Jack, is married now and lives in Kent with his family. Her daughter, Sophie, lives miles away near Manchester. She finished university there, married a local lad, and theyre raising a little girl together.
Emily spoke to Sophie on the phone today.
Mum, is everything alright? Sophie pressed, noticing her quiet tone. You sound down. Has something happened?
No, love, honestly, Im fine. Hows everything with you? And my darling granddaughter?
Were doing well, Mum. Toms busy as everits always hectic for a hospital surgeon, but at least he loves his work. He keeps saying its his calling. And Maisies nearly old enough for nursery school now! Shes growing so fast, we’re enjoying every moment.
Im so pleased for you, Sophie. May everything always be well with you, Emily said, her voice weary.
I still dont like the sound of your voice, Mum. And wheres Dad?
Oh, hes out in the garage, warming up the carthese frosty nights, you know, Emily replied, not wanting to trouble her daughter with the truth.
Emily has spent the past half-year in turmoil, keeping everything bottled up. Theres no one to confide in, reallyand what would be the point? Some might pity her, others would just gloat. It all began that summer afternoon: shed been working in her flowerbeds near the back window, lost in her thoughts, when she caught Richards voice drifting through the open window. His words were soft and affectionateclearly meant for someone else. He thought his wife was out and hadnt noticed her presence.
Alright, darling… but I wont make it tonight, I miss you too… Love you. Dont be upset, Ill visit tomorrow. You know mewhen I promise, I mean it The call ended, and Richard walked away, oblivious.
Emily felt as though shed been struck over the head. Her Richard, whom shed trusted unconditionally, was just like so many other men. She remembered her sister, years ago, crying to her about her husbands affair. At the time, Emily found it unthinkablebut now she understood.
In shock, not knowing whether to cry or shout, Emily sat on the bench behind the house and broke down.
Dear God, how could this happen to me? Richard, after all these years, going astray I suppose no man is immune.
Richard is forty-seven, and lifes gone well for him. Emilya loving wifeand respectable, independent children whove flown the nest. They live comfortably outside Guildford; Richard runs his own flour mill, supplying nearby towns with flour and animal feed.
Emily kept everything to herself at first. Over the next six months, she quietly found out more about the woman Richard was seeingeven going through his phone while he slept. She learned her name was Clairea distant friend of mutual acquaintances. Claire lived in a block of flats locally known as The Quadrant. Through whispered conversations, Emily found her address and background.
Our Claires reputation isnt great, said Vera, one of Emilys friends. Shes a lovely-looking woman, single, but to be honest, a bit of a man-eater. Never married, no children. She once confided in me that life never feels settled, and shes not ready to raise a child on her own.
Emily said nothing to Vera, though she felt like bursting into tears as soon as she got home. Alone, she let it all out.
How hard it is to bear this burden by myself.
Another couple of months passed before Emily felt compelled to pay Claire a visitshe simply couldnt keep on like this. When Claire opened the door and saw Emily, she blanched. She knew exactly who was at her doorstep. Emily walked in, uninvited, and sat down in the lounge.
Hello, she said flatly, gazing around. Claire stood there, obviously rattled, likely afraid Emily would lash outmany women would in her shoes. After a moments silence, Emily spoke, her anger barely restrained:
Arent you ashamed? Sleeping with a married mansurely you know better. There are plenty of men out there who arent spoken for. Happiness built on someone elses misery never lasts.
Claire pulled herself together and, to Emilys surprise, burst into tears.
I dont know what came over me. I love RichardI cant be without him.
That was too much. Emily jumped up and slapped her. Claire grabbed her cheek, sobbing.
Im sorry, Emily, I truly amI dont know what came over me
Emily, unable to hold out any longer, wept as well. Both women sat in silence, letting the tears fall. Once theyd regained their composure, Emily finally said:
Dont tell Richard I came here. But if I find out youre still seeing him, dont blame me for what Ill do, she warned as she left the flat.
Claire never told Richard about Emilys visit. Emily said nothing either, just carried on as if nothing had changed. She didnt know if Richard still saw Clairehe still dashed off for his business on occasion, and Emily suspected she knew the real reason. So she sits now, wrestling with her thoughts.
What should I do? Richard is everything to meafter all these years together, I cant imagine life without him. If we divorced, Id have to split everything upI dont want that. I just want things to stay as they are. She sighs, staring out at the winter night, unable to escape her worries.
Even if Richard left me the house, what would I do on my own? Its a big place, always needs looking afterRichards always tinkering, fixing things, sawing and hammering, something always needs mending. Im afraid of being left with nothing; Im so used to this life. And how could I ever tell the children their fathers with a younger woman? The shock would devastate them.
She bears it all in silence, knowing if she did open up, most would judge her. Theyd say, You need to respect and stand up for yourself. Divorce him! Love yourself, dont wallow in self-pity.
Maybe theyre right, Emily thinks. But I still love my husband. I hope deep down he loves me tooeven if its just a silly fling, hell come to his senses. He still treats me kindly, never quarrels, just as he always has. Maybe those sayings are right: love yourself, and everything will fall into place. I should think about myself, too
Its hard for Emily, living with the constant ache since learning about Claire. Hard to act like nothings wrong, to be herself with Richard, knowing Claire is still out thereyoung and beautiful. Oddly, shes even come to accept the idea that Richard has been with another woman.
He said hes gone off for work, but is he really…?
Suddenly, an odd thought flashes through her mind, making her uneasy.
Maybe I should find myself another man. I dont look so bad for my age, after allpeople do pay me compliments Then she checks herself. No, I could never do it. I cant imagine being with anyone but Richard. Hes the only one for me. I just wish I could bring him back home. Id forgive him, though it hurts, but mentheyre different, they think about love differently Or maybe Im wrong; who knows what goes on in their heads.
Emily thinks back on her youth and even lets out a sad smile.
Those were the dayswhen we scraped by, happy to rent a little room in a shared house, counting every penny until payday. Instead of a fancy dinner, wed buy cinema tickets and lose ourselves in films. It seems so long ago and yet, sometimes, just like yesterday. Now we have everything, but I feel so alone. Theres no one I can really talk toand honestly, I dont want to bare my soul.
A Surprise for Emily
Emily is deep in thought when she hears a car pull up in the drivethe headlights sweep across the garden before the engine dies. Richard takes his time, putting the car in the garage, and then comes inside.
Em, where are you? He pokes his head into the kitchen and flicks on the light; she hadnt noticed how dark it had grown.
Im here, she replies softly. Just lost in thoughtwith this weather, its hard not to.
Tell me about it! Roads are like ice rinks out there, I barely made it home. Starving, I amwill you fix me something? he says, his tone casual.
Emily bustles around, setting the table while he goes to wash up. At supper, Richard looks at her with a warm smile.
Em, New Years coming up, and Ive got a surprise for you.
Emily tensesshes come to dread surprises lately.
Oh? And what have you got in mind? she asks, hardly daring to breathe.
Richard pauses, watching her. He can tell shes anxious.
Well, love, its been ages since weve really been anywhere together, hasnt it? Hang on He disappears into the hallway, then returns, grinning. Ive booked us a holiday by the seatwo tickets, just for us. Were off to Cornwall for New Year, how about that? A bit of sea air to ring in the year beneath the palm trees!
Relief floods over Emily, as though a heavy weight has been lifted. Shes not quite sure she believes it, but says, Goodness, Richard! Youre still full of surprises. Cornwall, in the winterby the sea? That sounds wonderful. She laughs happily.
Jack put the idea in my head, Richard admits, but I wanted to do it anywayto get you out of the house, give us a change. So start packing.
After that, things start to look up for Emily. They go to Cornwall, spend New Years Eve together by the coast, return home refreshed and happy. Life begins to feel right again. Emilys faith in Richard is restored. She sees him making more time for her now, always coming home, never letting her fret if hes running late.
And so, life carries on. Emily remembers to believe in herselfand finally, everything feels as if it may be alright.
