So, you know how sometimes we end up second-guessing ourselves as parents? Well, recently, Dads been going on at me about not picking up Olivia so muchhes convinced that Im spoiling his granddaughter by being too soft. Now, Olivias just started crawling, and every single time I step out of the room, she tries to follow me, clearly wanting me to scoop her up. Dad keeps telling me I shouldnt pick her up all the time, that she needs to learn to be a bit independent and manage on her own if she’s just on the floor for a bit.
But honestly, I cant help myself. Giving her a cuddle just feels right, but then I start wondering if maybe I am a little too protective.
I know I have a habit of being overly gentle with heralways soothing her when she cries, showering her with kindness, resisting even the tiniest urge to tell her off. Maybe, deep down, Im making up for the lack of love and care I got growing up. After Mum passed away, I ended up in a childrens home, and I never knew my real parents. Eventually, my cousins family took me in when they heard about what had happened, and they gave me a new home.
It wasnt easy at the start, Ill admit. Dad was always rather formal and distant, and Mum was forever busy, exhausted by work and keeping everything afloat, so she hardly had time to show much affection. I knew they cared deep down, it just wasnt something they were good at showing. So I learned early to make up little stories for myself, imagining a world where I was loved and praiseda princess ruling over a kingdom where everyone cared.
And as I got older, that craving for acceptance and love never really went away. I always found myself chasing approval, especially when it came to relationships. I clung to any bit of attention and ended up trapped in something toxic for far too long, simply because I was scared Id never find love anywhere else. My husband nowGeorge, bless himknows some of it and is wonderfully supportive, but he doesnt know everything.
Despite all of that, I just can’t hold back. I want to flood Olivia with all the love in the world, to make sure she never doubts it for a second. She deserves every bit of affection and warmth I can give hera childhood very different from the one I had.
