A year and a half ago, my husband and I became parents to a lovely baby girl. So, this year, even though our daughter is still so little, we decided to go on holiday together. When my mother came to visit, I told her about our plans.
My mother remarked,
How will you enjoy a proper holiday with such a young child? You wont be able to relax with her around. My neighbour just got back from a holiday where her children took her along to look after their kids. Id love to do the same, but I simply havent got the money.
Of course, I understood the hint, but I didnt say anything straight away. I wanted to talk about it with my husband and think it over properly. The next day, I told my mother that we actually would like her to come with us. I was honest with her:
Look, Mum, my husband will pay for your entire trip. Youll have your own room, hell buy your tickets as well, and well give you spending money for the little things. But the idea is youll be there to help us out. Ill even slip you some extra money, just please dont let my husband know about it!
Mum agreed enthusiastically, so off we went. We spent the first day all together, but after the flight, we were all shattered and went to bed early. The next day, my husband asked my mother,
Would you mind taking your granddaughter to your room tonight? Wed really like a night out at a restaurant.
Id love to, but Im afraid I cant, my mum replied. I bought two day trips yesterday, and I leave early in the morning both days!
I was a bit taken aback: Mum, hang on! Whats going on? We agreed youd help us with the baby. That was our understanding from the start!
I just bought two trips! Ive only got two days for myself. After that, I promise to help with the baby, Mum assured us.
Of course, we agreed. Two days later, Mum said,
I think Ive caught a cold! Youll have to manage with the baby on your own for now. I dont want to pass it on.
Mum, you dont look ill at all! No sniffles or coughs, I said, genuinely surprised.
A week went by, and Mum kept insisting she wasnt well. Then one day, I caught her eating an ice cream.
Mum! What are you doing? What about your sore throat? Have you been fibbing all this time, or are you really not ill?
She shot back,
I just want to have a rest as well! I work hard and Im completely exhausted. Im not your nanny!
I was furious.
But we said very clearly wed pay for your holiday if youd help us with the baby. And yet youre just enjoying yourself!
I felt deeply hurt by my mum’s behaviour. For the rest of the holiday, we didnt really speak to each other. We came home, but things didnt improve. Three months have passed, and I still havent managed to forgive her for what she did.
Now, looking back, I realise that sometimes, expectationshowever clear we think we make themcan be misunderstood or ignored when family and rest collide. Its taught me that honest communication at the start, and understanding that everyone needs a break and may see things differently, are both essential for a happy family and a peaceful holiday.
