This sort of situation is sadly quite common. I married when I was 25 years old. A year later, our daughter was born. Things seemed to be going well between us at the start. But after a while, my husband began to say I was lazy. According to him, I wasnt doing much while on maternity leave, and later on, my earnings were never quite enough, even though they were just a touch less than his.
They say after marriage, a man is only ever truly influenced by his mother. Looking back, I should have picked up on some early warning signs, but I suppose I was rather naive.
My husband was always comparing me to his mother. She was his gold standard: managing her allotment, doing the accounts, raising two childrenshe apparently handled it all with ease. But what about me? I was juggling shift work and a full-time job.
I desperately tried to match up to my mother-in-law. I helped her out around the house, pitched in on her garden, kept the place tidy. When my daughter started school, I was there with her for every bit of homework. But the worries kept building up. My job demanded hours of overtime, yet the pay was poor. Still, I pushed through. I found myself dependent on my husband, who would snipe at me, and I ought to have ignored it, but deep down, it upset me. The idea of divorce frightened meI didnt want my child to lose her father.
But the truth is, the more you allow someone to take advantage, the more theyll do it. I told my husband I was exhausted and simply couldnt manage two jobs. He told me that if that was the case, hed only contribute as much to the household as I did, saving the rest of his wages for himself. He insisted this was fair. Our relationship was already barely hanging on, and then… it broke.
I realised I couldnt carry on like this. Id grown tired of his constant complaints, the lectures, always bringing up his mother as a paragon of virtue. The final straw came when he said that if I wouldnt get a proper job, he might as well move in with his mother. That thought gave me a sort of grim relief, but it still took me three long years to actually send him back. I found a new job, thanks to a friendthis one paid well. I dont want to dwell on what I had to endure in that time. I got divorced. We divided up the flat, swapped properties, and there were plenty of rows.
Now, I live in peace. Just me and my daughter, calm and content without my husband.
I have my own flat, my own job that I enjoyit may not be the dream, but it gives me everything I need. Of course, my family wont stop trying to set me up with someone. Some people still think Im a sad divorcée who just needs a new man to be happy. But why would I want that? Ive already been down that road. Sometimes I feel I should just wear a sign across my forehead: Young, happy, and not interested in dating. Life is good with my daughter. Why spoil it with a second marriage? As for my ex-husband, he seems quite content living back with his mother.
What Ive learned is this: I dont need anyone else to feel whole. My happiness isnt dependent on another personespecially not a husband. Im enough, just as I am.
