And how am I supposed to explain to everyone why youre not at Mums do? asked her husband, his voice a fluttering moth in the twilight kitchen.
Thank you, it was delicious, he added, pushing away his plate. Kate, we need to have a word.
Oh, James, I think I might already know what its about.
Do you now? Whats that then?
Your mothers birthday.
Yes. Its already the tenth and hers is the eighteenth, James replied.
And mines the twentieth. You do remember that, dont you? Kate asked, arching an eyebrow.
Of course I do, darling
James, dont even start. Im saying it right now NO.
But you havent even heard what I wanted to suggest, James protested, bewilderment fluttering about his features.
I dont want to hear it! Just letting you know, Ive booked a table at the Rose & Crown for Saturday, room for ten. Eight are my guests. The other two are you and me. If you even plan to show up. Otherwise, well celebrate without you, quite splendidly.
The oddity was this: Jamess mothers birthday fell on the eighteenth of September, Kates on the twentieth. For three years running, once September slunk onto the scene, James would begin the odd ceremonial wranglehow to honour both birthdays without bruising either his mum or his wife. So far, hed never managed it.
Kate, Mum suggests we have both birthdays together this Saturday, at her flat. Its sensible, really. Why faff about gathering the family twice in one week? And Saturdays better. Thursdays tricky for most, but everyones free on Saturday.
James, who ever said I want your mothers second cousins, nephews and nieces at my birthday dinner? My friends are comingyou know them all, by the way.
Mum will be upset, James sighed.
But I was upset last year, and the year before, remember? Or have you forgotten?
I thought it was fine, really.
Fine? Lets reminisce, shall we? The year before last: we got married in April. Come September, its your mums big birthday. What did you tell me?
Kate, Mums sixtyshe wants a proper family do at home, so lets not plan anything else for Saturday!
And what did I do? I took a half-day Friday, then woke at dawn Saturday, mucked in at your mums place. Chopping, peeling, boiling, picklingthe works.
Then I spent all Saturday darting between kitchen and living room like a slightly harried waitress. And not a soul congratulated me on my own birthday!
Not trueZoe did, James interjected.
No, she didnt! When you told her my birthday was this week as well, she smiled: Oh, wellits done now. No point making a fuss.
But I spoke to Mum afterwards, and last year they toasted you at the table.
Oh, about last year! Friday, the twentieth. Again, Im sous-chef and scullery maid. When I asked Vera, your mother, why Zoe wasnt helping, do you remember what she said?
Zoes got her nails done today, she cant risk ruining them. Tomorrow morning shes at the beautician, hairdresser too.
Zoe breezed in for your mums party looking picture-perfect. I barely had time to change in the loo before guests arrived. Yes, they congratulated mewith lukewarm toasts.
And no gifts, neither last year nor beforeexcept yours, and my parents. So do let your mum know: she neednt count on me this year!
But she cant manage all on her own!
James, your mothers got a son thats you, and a daughter Zoe. I think youll cope with the nibbles and casseroles. Meanwhile, this Saturday, its my birthday and Im spending it with my friends.
But how shall I explain to all of them why youre not at Mums do? James asked again, a trace of childlike panic in his voice.
James, dont be silly! None of them will remember meunless you need another fork or some dip fetched from the kitchen. Youre all such a tightly knit bunch. Honestly, I always feel like an ornamental pepper mill there.
Kate convinced her husband: she had the right to host her own celebration as she chose. But his mum and sister decided the daughter-in-law had no business removing herself from the fold.
Nearly every day until the twentieth, they kept calling, hoping to cajole her into submissionto be present at the lunch Vera planned.
Katherine, Vera would ring, her voice echoing through the wallpaper, weve forged such a lovely tradition together. Two years running, weve combined our birthdays, and it was marvellous! I honestly dont see why youre suddenly being so prickly. Whats wrong?
Vera, its simple. First, Id like to celebrate with my friends. Second, Id rather do so at a restaurant than at home, just once not spending the day running in and out of the kitchen. Id like to actually talk to my guests!
Oh, but we have such lovely chats with our relatives at home! Vera objected from the sofa.
Its you whos chatting, Vera, while I scurry about passing things. Its not my sort of celebration!
I never thought youd refuse to help your husbands mother! Vera took umbrage, dissolving into the wallpaper again.
Zoe was not so subtle:
Katherine! Stop making life difficult. Mums made a menu. Dads already popped to Borough Market and stocked the larder. Sowhat are you planning to cook?
Mums sent James a shopping list. Stop being stubborndont fall out with Mum over nothing. Saturdayll pass, then youll have all the girlie catch-ups you want.
Zoe, Im not stubborn, I simply let your mum know in advance that I have plans. I think youll be just cracking at helping Vera out.
James was in purgatory: he had to choose whose party to attend. He didnt want to offend either mother or wife.
Kate never said outright he had to be with her, but James was acutely aware shed feel hurt if he picked his mother over her.
She made no further Saturday plans discussion. Friday afternoon, as the clocks bent time at her office, Vera rang:
Kate, where are you? Youve come to your senses, yes? About this restaurant businessnonsense, really. Im waiting, we must start prepping, or nothing will be done for tomorrows do!
Vera, Im at work! I told you, Im not coming to cook this year. Zoe will help you, surely.
I hope you realise that James wont approve of this attitude towards his mother and the whole family? Vera sniffed.
Well, just because I married James doesnt mean I have to forever pander to every family demand!
Ive my own life, friends, plansand by the way, these are our mutual friends! Im not giving it all up to be your live-in cook and washer-up!
Thus ended the dreary conversation.
Saturday, James took a present and went to his mothers. At four, Kate headed to the Rose & Crown, where the table gleamed like a treasure ship.
Guests came promptly, all knowing the tale. Her only companionless chair sat beside her. No one askedeveryone already understood.
They toasted her, gave gifts, laughter swirling with the wine, yet every so often her eyes flickered to the doorhoping, somewhere, hed come.
And he did arrive, nearly an hour late, breathless, brandishing her favourite bouquet of English tea roses.
Kate, barely escaped! Had to do a runner. You were much discussedAunt Rachel asked Mum why the Wild Mushroom Salad was missingyou made it so well last time she wanted the recipe.
The table today was paltry by comparison. Zoe sat sulkingshe managed to break two nails helping Mum.
For the next two years, Kate formed part of birthday preparations only as an adviser, as soon after she was expecting, then mother to a son.
Veras next big birthdaysixty-fivewas held at a restaurant.
What more did that daughter-in-law want? Everything was grand and she just had to muck it up! Vera would grumble, rolling her eyes to the patterned ceiling.
So, did Kate do the right thing, standing her ground? Leave your thoughts below, click like and followIm always glad of a new subscriber!
