As she left the hospital, Eleanor bumped into a man at the doorway.
“Sorry,” he said, glancing at her briefly.
But in an instant, his gaze turned cold and dismissive. He looked away, and appeared to instantly forget Eleanor even existed.
Shed seen that sort of look a thousand times. Slender, long-legged girls received a completely different sort of attention. Mens eyes would fill with interest, greed, even desire when a beautiful, slim woman walked by. Facing this constant unfairness hurt Eleanor more than she could bear. Was it her fault she was born like this?
When she was a child, everyone delighted in her chubby cheeks, plump legs, and round bottom. At school, she was always first in the line of girls for PE because of her size. They called her “Chubby,” “Fatty,” “Peppa Pig,” and “Pumpkin”names she tried to ignore, but the cruellest nicknames shed rather forget. Children can be awfully harsh, and the teachers did nothing even though they saw her classmates bullying her.
Eleanor attempted countless diets, but she almost always gave uphunger constantly gnawed at her resolve, and whatever weight she lost quickly returned. She had a pleasant face, but her size seemed to wipe away any charm it might have brought.
Shed once dreamed of becoming a teacher, but abandoned that goal, frightened by the thought that children would mock her behind her back all over again. So, after finishing school, she enrolled at a nursing college. When people are in pain, she thought, they dont care about the looks of the person who helps, as long as that person can ease their suffering.
There werent any boys in her course, and the girls were all preoccupied falling in love and getting hitched. Eleanor was always on her own. In lectures, she was asked to sit at the front so her classmates could hide behind her, avoiding the teachers eyes.
Eleanor often walked past shop windows, staring longingly at pretty dresses she would never get to wear. She always dressed in baggy jumpers and loose skirts to hide her size. Despite that, she excelled in her studies and administered injections steadily and painlessly. Thats why the older patients liked her.
Once, she agreed to go ice skating with the girls from her class. Teenage boys passed them, making cruel jokes. Look, she must be rushing off to the butchers! they jeered, their laughter echoing behind her, making Eleanor want to cry.
Her mum tried to set her up with friends sons. Eleanor even went on a couple of dates. One bloke, on seeing her, just turned away as though he never expected anyone. The other, before even introducing himself, made an inappropriate advance. Eleanor pushed him away and he fell backwards into a puddle. Whats the problem? I was doing you a favour. Who else would want you? he shouted as she left, tears streaming down her face. After that, Eleanor stopped dating. She decided living alone was best.
On social media, she set her profile picture as Fiona from “Shrek.” When a lad asked in the comments what she really looked like, Eleanor replied dryly, Just like this, only not green. He took it as a joke. “You must be tired of all the attention and want to scare off persistent admirers with that avatar,” he teased, suggesting they meet. Eleanor stopped replying at once.
One day, while walking along the hospital corridor, a little boy of about six ran right into her.
And where are you dashing off to? There are poorly people here; you cant make such a racket, she said, catching him by the arm.
I just wanted to skate on the linoleum, he admitted.
Who did you come with?
My dad, to see my nan. Erm, wheres the loo? he asked earnestly.
Come on, Eleanor led him to the end of the corridor. Will you manage on your own?
He gave her a look of pure confidenceshe couldnt be cross at such a little man. Soon, the sound of the flush rang out and then he came back to her.
Lets go then, show me which ward your nans in, Eleanor said.
He sighed, trotting beside her, then stopped by a room door, put on a serious face, and pressed a finger to his lips. Eleanor watched him, fighting a smile.
This one, I think, he pointed to the fourth ward.
You think? Didnt you check the number? Or maybe you dont know your numbers? she teased gentlyit was a mens ward.
I know everything. Im not a baby. I even know letters. Look, theres her door, he pointed to the door labelled with a five.
You little rascal, Eleanor pretended to be cross.
The boy laughed cheekily. Whats your name?
Eliot he barely managed before the door of ward five opened, and a tall, handsome man appeared on the threshold.
He looked sternly at Eliot. What took you so long? He then noticed Eleanor.
With a single measured glance, he assessed her and lost interest. Has he been messing about? the man asked coolly.
Eleanor had felt that indifferent, disdainful look so many times before.
He wasnt messing about. Dont scold him, she admonished, walking away.
Come on, say goodbye to Nan, its time to go, she heard behind her.
The following day, Eliot and his dad visited again. The man passed Eleanor without so much as a glance. She stuck her tongue out at his back. At that moment, Eliot spun around, burst into laughter, and gave her a big thumbs up. Eleanor couldnt help but smile and wave back.
After the afternoon break, she popped into ward five.
Youre looking well today, Mrs. Anderson. Did your grandson visit? Eleanor asked.
You saw him? Isnt he a wonderful boy? I just want to live long enough to see what he grows into.
Youre not going anywhere, its too soon! Youll be here to coo over great-grandchildren yet, Eleanor replied cheerfully.
God willing. I just worry about him so much. Hes grown up without a mum, Mrs. Anderson sighed.
His mother
No, shes not dead. She simply ran off and left her son with us.
You said her son Eleanor was surprised.
Eliots not my real grandson, but we love him as if he were. My son married a beauty. After the wedding, she admitted she already had a boy. You cant build a marriage on lies, can you? The shock nearly killed my husband. Now Ive landed in hospital.
Two years ago, Eliots mother got an opportunity abroad and left. She used to be a model. The boy just got in the way. The women my son dates now are all much the same: pretty but self-absorbed. Eliot wont accept them.
Eleanor couldnt stop thinking about Mrs Andersons story the whole day. Later, she went in to give an injection and found the woman sniffling.
Mrs. Anderson, you mustnt get upset, remember? Eleanor said firmly.
Im not upset. Have a look at this. The old lady handed her a drawing.
A boy held his mum and dad by the hand. It was obviously Eliot and his parents.
Eliots looking for a mum. I think he drew you, Eleanor.
No, its his mum, Eleanor protested.
He doesnt remember her. She was very slim. This mum is big, bigger than the dad, in fact. No, its you. See for yourself, Mrs. Anderson sniffed again.
Eleanor instantly noticed Eliot had drawn the mum much taller and bigger than the dad. Even children see how big I am, she thought bleakly. A man like Eliots father would never fancy me. Im being daft even to dream about it. Hes just not for me.
From then on, whenever Eleanor went to give Mrs Anderson her injections, theyd chat for a bit. The next time Eliot came to the hospital, he made a beeline for Eleanor.
Hello! Are your hands steady? he asked earnestly.
I suppose so, she replied, a little flustered.
Nan said she feels safe with you, he said shrewdly. Shell be home soon, wont she? My birthdays next week, he blurted.
I think it really wont be long before your nans home. How old are you going to be?
Six! he said proudly. Will you come to my birthday?
Thank you, Id love to, but we really should ask your dad first, said Eleanor.
Ill ask him now! Eliot ran to the ward.
Eleanor got distracted, not seeing how Eliot and his father left. But the next day, John and his son were waiting by the nurses desk.
Dad, you promised, Eliot tugged at his father as Eleanor approached.
I remember, John replied, then addressed Eleanor. Id like to invite you to my sons birthday party. Hell be six. Heres our address and number. It starts at one on Saturday, if you dont already have plans, he added politely.
Your details are in our records, Eleanor said, a blush spreading across her cheeks. And actually, Im free this weekend.
I shouldve guessed. Eliots looking forward to you being there. If you dont come, hell be disappointedso will my mum. And you know she shouldnt get upset.
A whole week! I must lose at least a little weight before then, Eleanor resolved.
At home, she told her mum about Eliot.
You must go. Boys are often wiser than grown men. Who knows, maybe something will bloom between you and his dad? And dont give me that look. The boy is looking for a mum.
His father doesnt even notice I exist, Eleanor replied in despair.
Oh nonsense. I suspect he cares more about his sons feelings than his own. Otherwise, he would have married another model by now.
On Saturday morning, Eleanor did her hair, picked out a dress, and touched up her lashes. She scrutinised her reflection, dissatisfied. No amount of make-up could make her thin.
Shed bought Eliots present right after getting the invitation. Hell be waiting for me. I have to go, she sighed, moving away from the mirror.
No sooner had she rung the bell than she heard the lock click. Her heart thudded in her chest.
Its Eleanor! shrieked Eliot, flinging his arms around her as far as theyd go.
She patted his cropped hair and handed him the gift. His eyes lit up at the colourful box.
In the lounge, the table was spread for a party. John sat at one end, beside him a pretty, blonde woman. On the other side, a grey-haired gentlemanEliots grandfather, thought Eleanor.
The elegant blonde, with model-like features, arched an eyebrow as she sized up Eleanor from head to toe.
Everyone, this is my rescuer, Eleanor. This is Boris, my father. My son you know. And this is Johns friend, Sophie, said Mrs. Anderson, not sparing the blonde a glance.
The blonde gave another dissatisfied flick of her eyebrow. Mrs. Anderson, putting salad on Eleanors plate, accidentally knocked over a glass of wine, which spilled into the blondes lap. The woman leapt to her feet, knocking over her chair. Chaos ensued.
Despite the hostesss apologies, the blonde quickly gathered her things and left. No one tried to persuade her to stay. Eleanor, too, decided she should go.
Dont be offended, but John began.
You didnt spill anything on me. What would I be upset about? said Eleanor. But I suppose I should be going too.
Mums made her famous pie. Dont disappoint her. And Ill give you a lift home afterwards.
They drove in silence.
I didnt ask you to bring me home. I couldve managed, Eleanor broke the quiet.
My mother would scold me if I didnt. You know, youre appearing in my life more and more. Sometimes I think Mum is trying to set us up.
I dont love you, nor do you love me. Im not marrying you, Eleanor replied, her voice trembling. Dont worry, Ill try not to cross your path again.
The car stopped outside her house. She struggled with the locked door.
Please unlock it, she said, her voice tight.
Suddenly, John leaned over and kissed her. Eleanor pushed him away.
What do you think youre doing? Tired of pretty blondesdecided to try something different, is that it? I should be grateful for your attention? No thanks. Her eyes flashed with anger, her face flushed.
She had no idea how striking she looked in that furious moment. John was taken aback by her whirlwind of emotion. The blondes were always calm, self-assured, a bit cold.
Im sorry. I dont know what came over me. I didnt mean to offend. I thought
Yes, men have never kissed me before, except those who thought they were doing me a favour. People look at me with pity or turn me away without ever trying to know me, she raged, stepping quickly from the car.
In late August, the weather turned suddenly chilly and rainy. Leaves raced from the trees. Three weeks passed since Eliots birthdaythree weeks in which Eleanor hadnt seen John.
She came home from work and kicked off her damp boots with relief.
You had a visitoryoung man, very well-dressed, rather handsome. Seemed a bit worried. He asked you to ring him, her mother called out.
Eleanor immediately dialled his number, heading to the kitchen for privacy.
It was me who called round. Eliots been unwell. Could you come over? The doctors prescribed him injections
Ill be there straight away! Eleanor grabbed her bag and rushed out, stopping at the chemist for supplies.
Eliot glowed with delight when he saw her. His hair stuck to his brow with sweat, but his temperature was already dropping. Eleanor washed her hands and prepared the injection. Antibiotics and vitamins had been prescribed.
Remember, my hands are steady. Youll be fine, she said, noticing the scared look in Eliots eyes.
Eliot squeezed his eyes shut. When it was over, he smiled. It only hurt a tiny bit!
John watched Eleanor intently, more curious than before. She blushed, growing lovelier in her embarrassment, and felt her heart flutter.
John offered to drive her home again.
Eleanor, would you have coffee with me one day? We still havent really talked.
Youre only doing this for your son. Dont. If I start hoping and you cant ever love me, it will hurt too much. Im not someone you can love. Im fat.
Youre not fat, youre warm, kind, and gentle. Children dont get it wrongyouve won over Eliot. And me, too. I believe we could make a real family.
And if Eliots mum returns?
She wont. She sent over the adoption and divorce papers. Shes remarried and doesnt want Eliot. Hes mine, and he needs us both. So, will you go out with me?
Yes, Eleanor replied softly.
There is someone for each of us in this worlda person whose presence makes life richer. Looks dont matter. But too often, two souls who belong together dont find each other, or fail to recognise the connection when they do, because theyre blinded by surface details.
What about love? Maybe true love is precisely this: seeing the soul beneath the surface, spotting the swan in the duckling, and finding a tender, loving spirit in an unlikely place. For the right person, youre always enoughjust as you are.
