WHAT YOU CUT SHORT, YOU CAN NEVER REGAIN
Whenever Alice showed her wedding photos to friends, she would always remark with a chuckle,
Oh, I really struggled in that dress! It was beautiful, of course, but so heavy and cumbersome! Next time I get married, Ill pick a light, airy wedding gown.
Everyone assumed Alice was joking, and they laughed along with her. And in truth, she was joking. Her friends knew Alice had married for lovea typical holiday romance. She was 21, and Richard was 28.
It was August: gentle waves, sparkling wine, a sky scattered with starsromance in the air. All these ingredients merged together and led, eventually, to a marriage certificate at the local registry office. Before that, of course, Richard had to finalise his divorce from his second wife, while Alice moved to Richards hometown.
From London to Brighton and back againthe route would become so familiar to Alice over the next ten years, it would be etched in her mind.
But that was still ahead. At first, the newlyweds had to find a place to live. Richard had handed his flat to his second wife, who threatened all sorts of melodrama if he dared to leavepills, acid, even windows. Still, over time, the ex-wife faded quietly from the picture. Perhaps Richard promised to return someday? Richard never mentioned his first wife. That first marriage lasted eighteen months. It just hadnt worked out. Hed even married her off to one of his friends afterwards, declaring hed made everyone happy, himself included.
His second marriage lasted a bit longerthree yearsbefore Richard realised his wifes bewildering nature. She had bizarre objections to children, referring to them as human offspring. Alice was never much bothered by all this domestic drama. She was ambitious, self-assured, and knew she was special. Richard doted on her, certain hed found paradise on earth. Hed buy her flowers by the bunch, or three fur coats at a time, and shoesAlice could have a pair for every day of the week. He whisked her away to London, Paris, and even the Lake District, keen to broaden her horizonsand, perhaps, to steady themselves before starting a family.
Soon, their daughter Daisy was born. While Alice cared for their little one, Richard bought a house and furnished it lovinglyall for his precious girls. They celebrated their new home, and Daisy was soon enrolled in nursery.
Alice dedicated herself wholeheartedly to self-improvement. But she preferred to study in her own cityLondonwhere her friends, her mother, and even strangers felt closer, more genuine. Three diplomas soon lay in her handbag, all with top marks. Her main degree was in psychology, and she was bursting with enthusiasm to look for work. Richard opposed this:
Dont we have enough money, Alice? Ill go mad waiting for you every evening! Lets have another baby insteada son, perhaps. Or even another girl. I just want you by my side.
But Alice had no wish to be a mother again. Shed done her dutygiven her husband a daughter, brought a child into the world. What more? Her mother-in-law, overhearing Alices lofty ambitions, offered to take care of Daisy, until Alice, as she put it, grew up herself. Alice, after all, wanted to spend her life learning, not scrubbing floors or raising children.
Without hesitation, Alice agreed and set off back to her family home, not even warning Richard. Ill call from London, she decided.
But it was Richard who awaited her in London. Hed learned her ways by now.
Alice, wheres Daisy? he demanded. Why are you here and not in Brighton? Have you got a new admirer?
Oh, dont bother, Richard! she replied calmly. Theres no one else. Im just bored! I want my freedom. Youve got to understand.
Freedom? From me? From our daughter? Richard was crushed. What about our love? Has it just vanished? Is this some sort of midlife crisis? We can get through ittogether, Alice.
No, we cant And with that, Alice drew the final line.
Richard pleaded with Alices mother, but she just shrugged. Its no use, son. Alice is as stubborn as they come.
He returned to Brighton alone, unsure how to bring his family back together.
Days and weeks passed. Alice stayed away, answering calls coollyIm fine.
Time rolled on. At last, Richard decided to sell the house, fetch Daisy, and move to Londonfor the sake of saving the family.
Alice was unfazed, trying to talk him out of it. Why upset Daisy? Shell have to switch schools, leave her friends. Even her grandmother wouldnt approve.
In truth, Alice just loved her independence. To live like a bird in the skythat was Alices motto. Shed started her own tailoring business, rented a new flat, and had plenty of admirers on hand, both men and women. She was in no rush to go back to being anyones wife or mother.
Despite Alices protests, Richard and Daisy moved to London. He still clung to hope, his love battered but not dead. At first, hed meet Alice from work and drop off their daughterbut it was in vain. Alice seemed made of stone. Nothing moved her. Eventually, she told Richard plainly:
Let me be, Richard. Its time we divorced. Ill take Daisy if you like.
By then Daisy was 11 and hardly in need of a homeshe had a caring father and grandmother, who prayed for her day and night. Daisy loved her mother, but never understood why shed left her so willingly.
Time, though, moves on and belongs to no one.
Richard stopped fighting hopeless battles. He knew Alices heart could not be reached.
Life eventually brought Richard a new partner, a sensible sort with two sons from her first marriage. She didnt care for London or Paris, or for a hundred pairs of shoesjust a decent pair of wellies for muddy days, a warm jacket for chores, and hopes for her sons futures.
Next to this down-to-earth woman, Richard found peace. Where life is simple, therere a hundred angels; where its complicated, theres not a one. In time, they had a little girl. At last, Richard knew pure happinesseven if it took four tries. He kept the memories of his first three marriages sealed away.
Alice, meanwhile, lived with her mother. One of her business partners once promised her the world and then took her for everything she had. Her tailoring business unraveled, and her admirers vanished like mist.
In short, all the suitors scattered as quickly as they had appeared. Now Alice worked as a school psychologist. All her studies had not been wasted, after all. She claimed to regret nothingbut there are depths to the human soul that are hard to fathom. Perhaps, just maybe, in that soaring bird of the sky, a little spark of regret might one day glimmer.
Daisy grew up, married, and settled with her grandmotherher beloved carer as a childin Brighton.
On her wedding day, Daisy wore a light, airy bridal dress, a gift from her mother, Alice.
That day, watching Daisy smiling and radiant, I realised that some things lost, especially those we cut short by our own choice, can never truly be restored. And for me, the biggest lesson is this: cherish what you have, because once you let it slip away, you might never hold it again.
