A year ago, I was left completely on my own. After Davids funeral, I slowly began to pull myself together, only to realise that alongside the loneliness, I was facing a much more pressing problem. Money had suddenly become painfully scarce. I live as modestly as possible no treats, no extravagances and still, unexpected bills find their way to me, especially with the cost of prescriptions and doctors appointments climbing ever higher.
David and I brought up two children together, always stretching every pound as far as it would go in order to help them. Every spare bit we could manage was set aside for themwhether it was for helping out with the deposit for a house, or to press a bit of financial aid into their families hands when they needed it. Whatever life has in store for me, its clear that this flat will end up with my son and daughter when Im gone, unless I decide otherwise in my willbut Ive no intention of changing it. Both of them are perfectly intelligent, and they know well how much property in London is worth, and what awaits them when this place passes on.
A few times, I tried to gently hint that I was struggling to keep upif only one of them would help cover the rapidly rising council tax and utilities, it would mean I wouldnt be constantly anxious about how to scrape by until my next pension payment. My daughter, Emily, always pretends not to understand what Im getting at, and my sons wife keeps tight control over the household finances, so my pleas just seem to dissolve into thin air.
I have a fair idea of what both Emily and Daniel earn, and I truly am pleased for them, seeing that they can afford new cars, and take their families on holidays to Spain or France. My grandchildren never seem to lack pocket money, and when I see them spend in an afternoon what amounts to my entire monthly pension, I cant help but wonderdid David and I really raise children this indifferent, who turn a blind eye to the fact that their own mother is bordering on poverty? David and I were always a good example in that respectwhen our parents needed us, we visited every Sunday with groceries in hand, paid for any prescriptions or appointments, never expected anything in return.
My friend Margaret suggested moving in with one of my children, unannounced if need be, so I could rent this flat out and have some income. Ive always shrunk away from such drastic measures, but perhaps it will come to that if another conversation doesnt bring about some change. I simply cant survive on my pension alone, especially as all my savings have already gone towards supporting my childrens futures.
