So, for the past three months, my brothers been pestering me about Mum. She hasnt been herself since her strokecompletely unaware half the time, needs someone with her constantly. Honestly, its like caring for a baby. But Ive got a job, my own home, and a family to jugglewhat am I supposed to do? I suggested a care home, but my brother acts like Im the most cold-hearted person on earth. Mind you, he wont have her with him either, because he lives at his wifes flat in Manchester.
We used to be such a close family, proper Four in a Bed set-up. My brother Thomas and I are only a year aparthes 35, Im 36, and our parents had us quite late on. At the moment, Mums 72. When Dad was alive, everything ticked along nicely.
But after Dad passed away, Thomas moved to London for university, ended up settling there and marrying. I stayed in our hometown, Cambridge. After I got married to David, we moved out pretty quicklyrented while saving for a place of our own and planned to have kids. So, life went on.
Then, two years ago, Dad died. Mum spiralled after thatshe was lonely, missing him desperately, and seemed to age overnight. Her health went downhill, and then she had a stroke six months back. We honestly thought that was it, but somehow the doctors managed to bring her round. She struggled to speak, couldnt use one side at all for a while. Shes a bit better now, physically, but mentally shes never really come back.
Doctors say the damage is permanent. So, I ended up caring for her. David and I moved into her flat, I switched to freelance work so I could be around for her. I cant leave her on her own for a minuteeven now she can walk, its no easier.
She rambles, gets confused, sometimes just wanders off. Were constantly chasing after her, trying to coax her back home. Shes always crying for Dad or insisting hes waiting for her somewhere. Honestly, its exhaustingsleeps a rarity, Im constantly on edge, and works a write-off. Concentrations gone out the window. Davids suggested we look into a care home.
Theyre priceyeasily over £1,500 a week, and thats if you can even get a place. But if I work full pelt, we could just about scrape by. Thomas ought to contribute too. Fairs fair, isnt it?
It took ages for me to get my head around it, but I dont see another option. This cant go on forever. Shed have proper care, 24/7, and nurses on hand. I did my research, visited a home, had a good chat with the staff. Still, its hard.
When I finally rang Thomas and laid it all out, I thought hed understand. But he just blew up at me.
Have you lost your mind? Shoving Mum in a care homestrangers looking after her! How do you know shell be okay? Youre so heartless! he yelled down the phone. Or are you just trying to get her out from under your feet?
I tried explaining, but he wasnt having any of it. Thats been his position ever since. The thing is, Im at the end of my tether.
We went round in circles. If youre so dead set against it, take her yourself, I said. Be the hero.
You know I live at my wifes, theres not room. Shes not going to start caring for my mother, he barked back.
So David can look after his mother-in-law, but Anna cant? Thats convenient! Were only here because Mum needs someone, not because I want her to ruin our lives.
I told him straightif he doesnt want Mum to go into care, he can collect her and take responsibility. He mumbled something about being busy with workanother excuse. He thinks I just want to pass the buck.
I feel like Im living in a waking nightmare. Rationally, I know a care home would be better for everyoneshed be looked after properly, and wed get our lives back. But I feel guilty, terrified the world will see me as some dreadful daughter. Davids totally behind me, wants this for all our sakes. Mum would get proper care, and wed have a chance to live too.
So, Im giving it until next week. If Thomas doesnt come up with an actual plan, Ill do it my way and look into a home for Mum. People always have advice, but unless theyve cared for someone day in day out, theyll never know what its like. Let Thomas explain to his mates why Mums not with himIm done with his empty talk.
