How late I learned the truth
This what youre after? I held the letter out to him.
Nicks face turned pale.
Jenny you its not what you think Alex This is
What is it that Im not supposed to think, Nick? That my husbands mother is alive and in prison? That the pair of you think Im some naive wallflower?
What do you mean a month? Jenny, we agreed it would be till autumn at least!
My youngest has just started at Little Oaks Nursery, I found a job nearby
Whats happened now?
We pay our rent on time, we keep things quiet
Its not because of you I hesitated. I need to move back into my own flat.
Why? Have you and Jack fallen out?
Please dont ask too many questions.
One month from today. Ill recalibrate the rent, repay your deposit.
Im sorry
Ending the call, I shivered. I just wanted all this to be over.
***
I couldnt stop staring at the envelope on the kitchen tablejust an ordinary envelope Id fished from the letterbox with the takeaway flyers and the broadband bill five minutes ago.
Usually, Alex collected the post, but for some reason, today Id decided to check.
Postmark. Return address. HMP Bronsley Prison.
And the senders name: Lillian Davidson.
Id heard Alex mention that name just once or twicehis mother. My mother-in-law, that Id never laid eyes on.
Id never dreamed the woman who gave birth to my husband was even alive.
Ive no one, Jenny, Alex told me on our third date, as we huddled in a cheap café trying to warm up after wandering in the London rain. Dad left before I was born, and I never met him.
And Mum well, she died when I was twenty. Heart. So its just me reallyno one else.
All alone? I nearly started crying then, the sympathy a wave in my chest. No aunts or uncles?
Theres some distant relatives in Yorkshire, but we dont talk. Its easier this way. No family drama. No forced Sunday roast at your mother-in-laws. Just you and me.
At the time I thought: My God, hes so strong. Survived all that, but hes still gentle
I wrapped him in all the care and affection I could muster, as if I could make up for the love hed been denied.
Then came the weddingjust close family. My parents, a couple of my friends. On his side, only his childhood mate Nick, quiet and avoiding my gaze all evening.
I chalked it up to shyness. Now I realise: Nick was terrified of saying the wrong thing.
Where is she buried? Id asked Alex about half a year after we married. We could visit, tidy it up after all, its your mum
He tensed, turned away, fussed with his collar.
Out in Kent. Old, nearly closed cemetery. Ill go one day myself, no need for you to worry about it. Dont want you there; its got a heavy feel in the air.
Lets focus on the living, yeah?
And I believed him. Foolish!
***
The front door creaked open; I jumped and shoved the envelope in a drawer beneath a heap of Sainsburys discount vouchers.
Hello, love! Alexs voice as strong and cheery as ever from the hallway. Hows our champ? Been good?
He came into the kitchen, reached to kiss my forehead, but I flinched back without thinking.
Whats wrong? Worn out? He frowned, peering at me. Nicky keep you up again?
Ill go and settle him and do dinner. You have a lie down.
No, Im fine. I managed. Alex, the post came today
He frozejust barely, barely a heartbeat, but I caught it.
Oh? And what was there? Bills again?
Bills. Some junk mail. Nothing much.
He relaxed, let out a noisy breath.
Thats good! Ill just wash up and see my boy. Missed him all day.
I watched him walk away. The man I shared my home and my life with was lying straight to my face.
So easily, so shamelessly, it made me feel sick.
Consider me an orphan, hed said.
And meanwhile, Lillian Davidson was writing from prison.
Why was she inside? Killed someone? Robbed? Cheated people? How much time did she have left?
I suddenly pictured a daymaybe a year or two from nowthe doorbell ringing, and there upon the threshold, a stern woman with hard eyes and a past behind bars.
And shed say, Hello, son. Hello, Jenny. Wheres my grandson? Im going to live with you now!
I wasnt worried for myself. I was terrified for Nicholas.
How could I let my child grow up near a grandmother whod just come out of prison?
How could I possibly trust a convict around my child?
Jenny, want some tea? Alex called from the lounge. Tescos got nappies on promotion, I found a leaflet in the drawer. We need to pop by tomorrow.
I didnt answer. My banking app was open, reviewing my savingsenough to get by for now. A flat in another part of townthat was good.
The tenants would be out in a month. All I had to do was keep things together till then, and not give myself away.
***
Alex left early for work, after smothering Nicky with kisses and promising hed try to be home early.
I watched him, disgust building inside. How could he deceive me so thoroughly? Shouldnt things like this never be hidden from your wife?
Once the house was empty, I pulled out the letter. My hands itched to tear it open, but fear stopped me.
What if, once I read it, Id lose my resolve to leave? What if it was something
No, I told myself firmly. It doesnt matter whats in there. He lied for nearly two years!
The doorbell rang. I jumpedwho could it be?
My parents always called first. My friends, too. I checked the peepholeNick was standing nervously, glancing anxiously at the lift.
I opened the door.
Nick? Alex is at work.
I know, Jen he stammered, shoving his hands into his coat pockets. I was passing by. Wondered if Alex had left the garage keys at home?
He said they should be on the table
Keys? I raised an eyebrow. No keys here. Or in the hall. Are you sure he left them?
Thats what he told me look, Jenny, Alex also asked if I could grab something from the post. But the box was empty. You didnt get the post today?
I did. Why?
He swallowed hard.
Oh, just waiting for a spare part, Alex wanted to see if the notification showed up.
I calmly walked back to the kitchen, picked up the grey envelope, and returned.
This, is it? Looking for this? I handed him the letter.
Nick went sheet-white.
Jenny, you you mustnt Alex This
What is it I shouldnt know, Nick? That my husbands mothers alive and in prison? That you both think Im some sort of gullible simpleton?
That I gave birth to a child whose family history is locked behind closed doors?
Jen, he only wanted a normal life! Nick started, hurried, dropping to a whisper. He didnt want any of this.
His mum shes complicated, Jen. Alex has suffered more than you can imagine.
He meant no harm, cant you see? He just shut her out so you wouldnt be frightened.
Shut her out? I smiled bitterly. How do you erase your mother, Nick? And so sneakily, to boot.
He took away my right to choose! I deserved to know what family I was marrying into.
No family, Jen! Nick waved his hand. Theres just her and all her schemes.
Please, hand me the letter? You havent read it? Ill give it to Alex, and hell explain everything.
Leave, Nick, I said quietly. And youre not getting the letter. Its addressed to Alex Davidson. Hell collect itin personfrom me.
I closed the door before Nick could protest.
***
The rest of the day passed in a fog. I fed my son, changed him, took him for our usual walk, but my mind was circling relentlessly.
What should I pack first? Pram, cot, my documents. Forget the furniture.
Theres an old sofa and wardrobe in my flat on the outskirts. Thatll do.
By six oclock, utter calm had come over me.
I set the table, made supper, put my boy to bed. Then I sat to wait for Alex.
Mmm, something smells divine! Alex appeared, making a great show of nothing being amiss. Look what I gotnew mobile for Nicky. Plays lullabies.
I sat in stony silence, the grey envelope before me. He peered into the kitchen and, realising, dropped the act.
Nick couldnt find it, then? he asked, voice dull.
No, but I did. Nick turned up, tried to collect it. But I wouldnt hand it over
He slumped into the chair opposite.
Why, Alex? Why did you let me believe she was dead?
Because she is, for meshe died twelve years ago, he looked at me, tears in his eyes. First time she went inside Then came out, lasted half a year, and was sent back again.
Jenny, youre from a good familyyour dads an engineer, your mum a teacher. You couldnt possibly understand. My mothers a seasoned fraudster. A con-woman.
And you thought you had a right to lie? For years? I snapped. You do realise youve ruined my trustcompletely?
I was scared Id lose you! Youd have leftsaid, Oh no, his mums a criminal, what might be in the blood?
I wanted Nicky to grow up in a normal home. So yes, I decided an orphaned husband was better than one with a thief for a mother!
And now hell have a dad whos divorced, I said coldly.
Alex stared.
What? No Jenny, you cant mean because of this letter? Because I kept this secret?
Because youre a stranger now, Alex. If you could so easily fake your mothers death, who knows what else?
Whos your father, really? Maybe hes not missing; maybe hes just in a cell somewhere else?
Jen, dont be ridiculous
Im not. Ive already messaged the tenants. Im moving back in a month. Filing for divorce tomorrow.
Alex pleaded, begged, even got down on his knees, insisting it had all been for my sake.
But I was done listening. My mind was already made up.
***
The tenants moved out. Now I live with our son in my own flat. Were divorced. Alex keeps hoping to win me back. He doesnt understand what he did wrong. He thinks he tried to protect his family
He sees his son regularly, provides for him, but as for mehe has lost my trust for good. I have no intention of going back.
