So, is a marriage certificate really stronger than just living together? the men used to tease Nadine.
Im not going to our thirty year university reunionIll just get depressed afterwards.
Let those go who turned up every year anyway, for them its harder to notice how much theyve changed, Nadine all but shouted down the phone at her only friend, Margaret.
But what are you so worried about, how do you look these days? Margaret sounded surprised.
We only saw each other, what, five years ago?
You seemed fine to me.
Have you put on loads of weight or something?
Its got nothing to do with that, I just dont want to go, dont talk me into it, Maggie!
Nadine was ready to end the call, hoping Margaret would understand, and move down her contact list.
But her friend was stubborn.
Nadine, our bunch has really thinned out as it is.
What, someones passed away? Nadine shuddered at the thought.
She didnt see herself as young, but surely not old enough for her peers to be heading for the next world.
No, no, nothing like that.
Some have just left the country.
And poor Andrew Bush died, goodness, twenty-five years ago now.
I have told you this.
So dont kick off, Nadine, the whole year is getting together, all four courses, but therell only be thirty of us on the day.
Your son got married, didnt he?
Well, there’s your excuse to let your hair down.
Margaret kept talking, but Nadines mind drifted back to Andrew Bush.
He always had those dark shadows under his eyes and a heavy, sad gaze, and the lads used to say he was a weakling.
It turned out Andrew had a weak heart.
He studied well and dreamed of designing a beautiful suspension bridge in his hometown, but he never managed.
And what had she managed in all that time, Nadine wondered?
Shed fallen in love with Peter, a foreman on the building site where she ended up working after university.
He worked on temporary contracts in her city and then would return home to his own family elsewhere.
They dated for ages, Peter publicly called her his wife.
He said that living together showed real love: that people didnt stay for a piece of paper, but for love itself.
But when Nadine realised she was pregnant, Peter just happened not to come back for his next rotation.
He had three kids and a wife whod fallen ill.
He quit the job because of personal circumstances and never let her know.
Nadine soon realised she couldnt demand anything from a man with three children and an ill wife.
She left the building trade before anyone could guess her situation.
Some of the men joked as she left:
So, a marriage certificates more solid than a partner, eh?
But Nadine didnt care.
She found a job in the grocers around the corner, where a neighbour from her block helped her get in.
They agreed that even once she was a mum, she would work two days a week.
Her mother agreed to mind little James, though she never missed a chance to point out that Nadine had been foolish and wasted her good job.
You raised me to be like this! Nadine yelled at her one day, completely fed up.
I was hoping at least youd be respectable!
Paid your way through a full-time degree and this is what you do, Naddie, you fool! her mother yelled back.
Well, like root, like seedwhat did you expect? Nadine replied, and instantly regretted hurting her mother.
After that, they hugged and cried, but neither of them really knew what to do next.
So when, five years after graduation, Margaret first called to invite her to a reunion, Nadine, of course, didnt go.
They would talk about their families, their jobs, flash photos on their phones, and there was Nadine, scrubbing floors in three different places: the flats stairwells, the school, the nursery.
What on earth would she talk about with them?
Or rather, what would they have to say to her
For her son James, Nadine was prepared to do anything: he was her only comfort.
Especially since, when James started nursery, her mother decided shed done her duty and moved to her sisters in the countryside, saying she felt ill in the city and needed fresh air.
But after some years, luck finally found Nadine.
She landed a part-time job in her field.
James had started school, so she now managed everything herself: shed pick her son up straight after lunch, and the other mums were jealous.
Later, a colleague tried to court her, but Nadine quickly shut it downher son didnt need a stranger in the house.
No man can replace a father; it only brings trouble.
At work, she did so well that after a while, she was offered a full-time position as an engineer.
She even started earning decently again.
Yet she always felt inferior, as if she didnt quite belong.
Her clothes were plain, her hair uncoloured, and after forty she started to go grey.
She felt she didnt deserve happinessnot after living with a married man, nearly taking a father from three kids.
She should keep herself invisibleno bright clothes, no make-up, nothing to attract attention, lest someone take a fancy again.
She no longer believed in happy endings for herself.
There were enough divorcees around; she was no better than them, if not worse.
James, though, turned out grateful and devoted, her sacrifices for him never soured him.
Hed spend summers in the village with granny Iris and Aunt Lisa, helping dig the garden, planting potatoes, beetroots and carrots, weeding and watering, and in autumn hed dig up potatoes and help seal jars of preserves for the winter.
From a young age, he was strong and split logs, stacking them neatly in the woodshed.
Even her mother now told Nadine it was a blessing theyd raised such a boyand that she and her sister Lisa doted on the beloved grandson.
So a reunion at a posh café, after all this?
Chatting about degrees and careers?
Nadine felt no need.
All those tired, familiar thoughts flashed through Nadines mind in seconds.
But she heard Margaret still insisting: So, got it?
The café opposite the old halls, next Friday at three.
Please comeat least Ill have someone to natter to!
Will you?
Maggies voice trembled and, without really knowing why, Nadine agreed.
Yes, Ill come
She hung up and immediately regretted it.
She looked in the mirror, then picked up the phone againshed ring Maggie back and say it was a mistake.
But the phone line was busy, and Nadine suddenly felt awkward.
That evening, she opened her wardrobe and pulled out the blue dress her son bought for her for his wedding.
James and Natalie had persuaded her, really twisted her arm to get it.
Even Natalie went with her to the shopping centre and bullied her into trying things on.
But finally, everyone agreed the blue dress suited her, even Nadine herself.
They bought matching shoes and even dragged her to a salon for a hair colour and style.
That was just a year ago.
James and Natalie lived happily on their own now.
The grey had started growing back, but Nadine had no one to dress up for.
It felt silly to decorate herself.
She did her hair and put on the blue dress, seeing no point in leaving it unworn.
She touched up her lipstick but wiped it offtoo bold.
The café was lively when Nadine arrived on time.
Margaret spotted her straight away and rushed over, bursting with delight: Naddie!
You look lovely, Im so glad to see you!
Margaret had filled out a bit herself, but it suited her, made her look younger.
After chatting at their table for a while, someone called Maggie away, leaving Nadine with her juice and the music swirling aroundsongs from their university days, when the world lay before them.
May I have this dance? came a voice through the crowd.
Nadine looked up and knew at once.
It was Alex Sharpe from the parallel course.
Hed married in third year, and Nadine had always regretted itshed fancied him then.
Nadine, youre even more beautiful now!
This is my first college reunion and, honestly, I hardly recognise anyone but you,
He offered a hand and Nadine took it, catching Maggies curious glance as they took to the floor.
They danced several songs in silence.
Then, quite suddenly, Alex said: Nadine, can I walk you home?
Im divorced, just so you knowbut if youve got someone at home, Ill just see you safely back, its late
He walked her home, and the next day they met again.
This time they never parted.
Natalie helped Nadine to pick out her wedding dress and shoesshe was starting to show now, and Nadine would soon be a grandmother, which made her feel awkward as a bride.
But this time Nadine let herself be happy.
Natalie whispered, Mrs Sharpe, you are truly beautiful!
James and I are so happy for you.
After all, happiness is allowed at any ageits never too late.
Nadine sat at the wedding table, her eyes shining, gazing at her new husband Alex, thinking at last: Maybe now, finally, its my turn.
For the first time, Nadine forgave herself and allowed herself to be happy.
Sometimes, the biggest kindness you can show is to yourselfbecause happiness doesnt have an expiry date, and its never wrong to take a chance on joy.
