Afraid of Losing You

Im afraid to lose you
This is where I live, James said with a bright smile, inviting the young woman inside his flat.
Come on in, I just need a moment.
Emily hesitated at the doorway, nervously glancing about and not rushing to take off her shoes.
Something unsettled her
When James returned to the hallway, he was startled to see real terror frozen in Emilys eyes.
Without a word, she fled the flat at once.
Emily, wait!
James stood there, baffled by the wide-open door and his dog Molly beside him He hadnt expected such an abrupt end to a lovely evening.
She just ran out and didnt say anything? asked Tom incredulously, when James recounted the incident to his best mate.
Nothing at all.
Just disappeared.
Looked as if shed seen a ghost. James lifted his mug of ale, peered at it in confusion, and put it back down.
I dont get it.
Why did she react like that?
What frightened her so much?
There could be plenty of reasons.
Did you try asking her directly?
I would if she answered my calls.
Since last night, shes been ignoring them.
Have you gone round to her place?
No.
I only walked her to her building, but I never found out which flat she lives in.
Thats odd.
Tell me about it.
It started so well, and ended so stupidly.
Come on, maybe its not over yet.
Why be gloomy before anythings really finished?
She probably changed her mind.
I cant think of any other explanation.
When you both meet at work on Monday, you should ask her then.
Thatll clear things up for you.
James first met Emily on a crowded London bus.
No one wanted to give up their seat for a young woman, but he did.
He then stood nearby, a smile planted on his face the whole journey.
Something about her caught his attention.
He wanted to introduce himself, but James was on his way to work and wasnt fond of making acquaintances in the open.
What would he say, anyway?
Hi, Im James.
Heres my number, give me a ring tonight after work?
Silly and cliché.
So when James got off the bus, he didnt even wait for her.
He simply marched off towards his office.
Yet on the way, he had an odd feeling she was following him.
He resisted the urge to turn around, confident it couldnt possibly be true.
Wishful thinking, he muttered.
Yet he couldnt shake the hope.
But life isnt like thatyou dont meet a girl and instantly fall in love forever.
He spent the next hour at his desk, trying to banish thoughts of the mysterious girl, but her eyes appeared every time he looked for an Excel file, her smile whenever he checked his emails.
Like a spell.
So when his manager, John Stevenson, came in with her, announcing, Meet our new colleague, James thought she might be a figment of his imagination.
I need help, he thought.
And then, she was introducedmore real than he ever expected.
Emily, she said sweetly as she approached hima new face, the final one to be welcomed.
James.
Very pleased to meet you.
That was all he could manage; his mind raced, his heart fluttered.
Every time he saw her around the office, he felt an urgelike wanting to pluck a star from the sky or fetch a pearl from the sea.
Hed gladly move mountains just to capture her attention.
That evening, he met Tom in Hyde Park for their usual dog walk and poured out his feelings about the new recruit.
He spoke with such admiration that Tom instantly caught on.
Mate, youre smitten!
Do you reckon?
Absolutely!
When I met my wife Hannah, it was just like that.
Knew I wanted her by my side for life straight away.
Exactly!
For life.
That feeling happens only when I see her.
Then dont just stand there.
Ask her out.
To a cafe or a film.
You think shed say yes?
You wont know until you try.
Wait too long, and someone else might snatch her up.
But what if shes already taken?
Imagine me, showing up with an invitationitd be awkward.
If she is, then work will be strictly business.
Youve got to give it a go.
Worst case, nothing lost.
Best case
James took Toms advice.
After work, James approached Emily at the bus stop.
He managed a smile, blushed, but found his composure.
Hope this doesnt sound odd but would you like to go out tonight?
Maybe a cafe or the cinema?
Emily smiled and agreed.
Coffee at a cosy cafe led to a late-night stroll through quiet city streets, then James walked her home.
It went better than hed imagined.
Arriving home, he took Molly for her evening walk hed missed, then spent hours lying in bed, gazing at the ceiling, dreaming.
He dreamed of proposing to Emily, of living together and raising children, of weekend trips out of townpicnics and long walks in the countryside.
He truly believed those dreams would soon come true.
Three months passed.
It was the best three months of his life: dinners, romantic movies, even kisses in the soft summer rain, oblivious to passersby.
Emily was brilliant.
Kind, gentle, witty and charminga rare mix of humility and decency.
James was grateful fate had brought them together.
Only
The sole issue was that after outings with Emily, James always had to walk Molly, since he lived alone and nobody else would.
Sometimes he suggested the three of them go out together, but Emily always responded oddly.
Shed go quiet, turn away, and refuse.
Just us two this time?
What if we want to pop into a cafe or the pictures?
You cant bring a dog.
Youre right, James agreed, though disappointed.
Later, James proposed, and asked Emily to move in.
She accepted the proposal, but hesitated over moving inalways postponing it.
Emily, I know were not marrying until next year, but cant we live together now?
I just feel safer when youre close.
I promised the landlady Id stay till years end.
Id hate to let her down.
If thats easier for you, Ill cover your rent for these remaining months.
Please, come over now, meet Molly, see my flat.
Im sure youll love her.
Emilys mood shifted, but she went along.
She loved James and decided to tryto conquer her fear.
This is my home, James beamed, welcoming Emily into the flat.
Come in, Ill just be a sec.
Emily stepped inside uneasily, eyes darting, reluctant to remove her shoes.
Something was bothering her.
When James came back, Emilys face was pale with genuine horror, hands trembling.
Without explanation, she bolted from the flat.
Emily, where are you going?!
James stared at the open door, then at Molly, who stood beside him The evening had taken an unexpected turn.
He called Emily, but she didnt answer.
Desperate, James arranged to meet Tom for advice and comfort.
After their talk, James resolved to wait for Monday, when Emily had no choice but to show up at work.
On Monday morning, James kept checking the time and watched the misted bus windows at the stop.
Emily wasnt among the crowd spilling out onto the pavement.
Odd, given she always arrived early.
What if somethings happened?!
James was about to call the boss and ask for the day off to find Emily, when suddenly he saw her.
She was walking, hair down, cheeks streaked with tears, her eyes filled with sadness.
Emily, wait!
She stopped abruptly, turned, and when she spotted James she looked even more forlorn.
Emily, whats going on?
Why did you run off?
Why havent you answered my calls?
I dont know what to think.
Im sorry, James.
What happened?
Five minutes to the start of the day.
Can we talk this evening?
Are you having second thoughts about marrying me?
Dont want to live with me? James held her hand, unwilling to let go.
Ive been clueless for days.
Please, tell me right nowwhy did you run?
Im sorry, James, but we cant live together, Emily whispered, tears streaming.
But why?
Whats wrong?
Did I upset you?
No.
Then what is it?
Emily wiped her tears and met James gaze.
Im afraid
Of what?
Tell me, love.
Of dogs.
Well, thats a twist Molly?
Shes gentle, wouldnt hurt a fly.
James silently realised hed misjudged the situation.
Its not just your dog.
Im scared of all dogs.
When I was six, a bull terrier attacked me
You never told me
I couldnt bring it upits terrifying to remember.
I was at the playground, mum popped to the shop, and a drunk owner set his dog on me to chase me off a bench.
I was rescued by a miracle.
Since then, Ive feared dogs.
Listen, Emily
James, well be late for work.
No one will wait while we sort this out.
Theyll wait Emily, I understand youve got trauma, but there are plenty of dogs in the streetyou manage.
I do, but its easier outside.
I can cross the road, approach people.
Living under one roof with a big dog like MollyI just cant.
Its not about you or your dog.
Its about me.
But its so silly.
I tried, honestly.
Thats why I came to your flat.
But nothing happened.
True, but Im terrified.
I get panic attacks, you know.
I thought I could cope, that Id manage, but I failed Im sorry.
Back with Tom, James sighed heavily.
If Im honest, I havent a clue what to do now.
I love her, she loves mebut we cant live together.
How is that fair?
Youre not thinking of giving Molly up, are you? Tom asked.
Of course not!
Shes my world.
But Emily is too.
Then youve got to fight for your happiness.
How?
Look, James, fear of dogs isnt an allergy.
With the right help, she could overcome it.
Maybe she needs to see a therapist.
Shes already tried.
No good?
No.
Emily says shell keep trying, but she cant promise anything.
Well, at least she wants to fix it.
Many others might have given you an ultimatumher or the dog.
Emily wants a solution.
That means you should help.
If not you, then who?
If only I knew how
Dont meet at your flat yet.
Try outdoor walks together.
The park, or better yet, the woodsquieter, just the three of you.
You really think itll work? Hope flickered in James eyes.
Why not?
If Emily sees Molly isnt dangerous, she might calm down.
Definitely worth a go.
Whered you get the car? asked Emily, surprised to see James with an SUV.
Borrowed from a mate.
So you want us all to ride together? Emily went pale.
Yes, but Molly will stay in the boot.
Its fitted out for dogs.
Youll sit up front with meshe wont bother you.
All right
Emily reluctantly agreed, but insisted that if anything went wrong, theyd head back.
An hour later, the SUV pulled up near the woods.
James helped Emily out, then let Molly out, reminding her not to get too close.
Lovely here, James said to distract Emily.
Very.
They swapped their city shoes for welliesthe rain had been relentlessand set off into the woods.
James played fetch with Molly to keep her occupied, part of his plan for Emily to feel comfortable.
How are you, Emily?
I dont know.
Its hard to say she replied, eyes fixed on Molly leaping from behind the trees.
Listen, love.
Dogs are like peoplesome good, some bad.
What happened to you was awful, but not all dogs are like that.
I understand.
You dont have to be scared; most are harmless.
A few more walks like this, and youll see what wonderful friends they can be.
James tossed a tennis ball into the bushes, Molly sprinted happily after it.
Woof! Molly barked.
Emily shrank in fear; hands trembling, she looked to James.
Is she angry?
No, James chuckled, hugging Emily tight.
Shes just excitedshe found her favourite toy.
Molly brought him the ball, then scampered off, ready for another run.
Would you like to try? James smiled.
Try what?
Throw the ball.
Im scared.
Close your eyes if you must.
Just once, please.
Emily took the tennis ballJames wiped it offsqueezed her eyes shut, and hurled it as far as she could.
Well done! James laughed.
Molly, fetch!
The dog bounded after the ball.
After a pause, her happy barks echoed.
See?
Shes a clever girlunderstands everything, sometimes just from a look.
James, maybe we ought to head back? Emily asked.
Sure.
Molly, come on!
The dog hadnt returned, now barking loudly.
Ill check whats up, James grumbled.
Wait here?
No, Im coming!
Through thick scrub, James and Emily found Molly furiously barking at her ball, which sat atop the waters surface.
Well, that explains it, James grinned.
What? Emily asked anxiously.
Mollys scared of watercant fetch her ball.
Ill have to go myself.
Thank goodness for wellies.
Shes scared of water?
I thought dogs didnt fear anything.
They do, just like us.
I rescued Molly as a pup from a riversix years ago, on a school trip.
Since then, she wont approach water.
Walks fine in rain, but puddles she avoids.
Hold on, Ill get it.
Is it safe, James?
What if its a bog?
Theres moss everywhere and it smells strange.
Its just a puddle, Emily.
Heavy rain lately.
Any bogs are further up.
He turned to Molly.
Molly, enough barking.
Ill fetch your toy.
James walked confidently into the water, shocked when he plunged in up to his knees.
Molly barked louder, her voice tinged with concern.
Are you all right, James?
Yes, just a deep puddle.
Ill be back soon.
James reached the tennis ball, now up to his thighs in water.
He quickly turned to head backbest not linger.
But his boots sank deeper, and progress was slow.
Few steps left, and James realised he couldnt movestuck fast.
Whyve you stopped, James?
Come back! Emily shouted.
I cant
He tried to lift his legs, but nothing would budge.
The water was now at his waist.
What do you mean, cant?
Looks like you were rightits a bog.
And a hungry one, by how quickly its pulling me under.
Molly watched her master, wanting to help but unable to enter the water.
She obeyed James; hed forbidden her from stepping in.
Emily panicked.
James was sinking, the big dog just metres away
Emily, help!
Find a long stick! James called, barely moving.
Shaking, Emily grabbed her phone to call for help, butno signal.
Just what I needed
She froze, unsure what to do.
How could she approach the bog with Molly standing near?
Her heart pounded with terror.
Molly barked, pleading for help, but Emily stepped back, memories of the attack flashing in her mind.
She wanted to run for safety.
But what about James?!
Will she really leave him? Yet thoughts of her beloved in danger stopped her.
Emily, help!
But Emily was paralysed by fear, unable to movelike she had been all those years ago as a child.
Molly, despite her own fear, tried to wade into the cold water, but quickly retreated, chest-deep.
She barked all the more nowin desperation.
Thats when Emily made a decision: even if she died of fright, she would save James.
She couldnt let him die.
Looking around, she spotted a sturdy branch.
Snatching it up, she hurried to the waters edge and offered it to James, who grabbed it with both hands.
Emily pulled with all her strength, dragging him from the bog.
She managed to get him out partway, but couldnt do the rest alone.
Molly joined in, intuitively sensing Emily needed help.
Standing side by side, Emily was no longer afraid of the big shepherd beside her.
At that moment, she wasnt thinking about her phobia, only saving James.
Together, the girl and the dog hauled James out.
Soaked and exhausted, they collapsed, breathlessbut the worst was over.
Ladies, I dont know what Id do without you, James said, hugging Emily, then Molly.
You saved meliterally.
I was terrified
Just promise you havent got a new fear now, James teased.
Yes, my dear.
A new one has appeared.
I realise nowIm most afraid of losing you.
And thats worse than any old fear.
Emily looked at Molly, then gave her a tight hug.
Thank you, Molly!
Thank you for staying by our side!
That evening, after hot baths and a hearty dinner, James, Emily, and Molly sprawled on the sofa, watching dog movies for hours.
Nothing else appealed to Emily that day, and James and Molly were happy to keep her company.
Most important of all: each one knew now that the fear of losing each other would always overshadow any other.
And sometimes, overcoming fear is only possible when love is stronger than anything else in the world.