For the last three months, my brother has been constantly pestering me about our mum. Since her stroke, shes not been herself at all. Shes oblivious most of the time, and now she cant be left on her own for even a moment. She really needs proper care its like looking after a baby. The thing is, I have a job, a house, a wife, and kids of my own. How am I supposed to manage all this? I suggested we look into a care home, but my brother went off on one, accusing me of being heartless. Yet, he refuses to take her in himself after all, he lives in his wifes flat.
We used to be a close family your typical four. My brother and I are only a year apart, and our parents had us quite late. Im 36 now, and hes 35. Our mum is 72. Everything was fine while Dad was around.
Then my brother went off to university in Manchester and settled there, got married, while I stayed here in Leeds. When I got married, my wife and I moved out of my parents place into a rented house, thinking wed eventually buy somewhere and start a family. That was the plan, anyway.
Dad passed away two years ago, and since then, Mums just been a shadow of herself lonely and lost without him. She aged overnight. She became ill and then, six months ago, she had a stroke. We really thought we were going to lose her. Only the doctors pulled her back. At first, she struggled to talk and couldnt move half her body. She improved physically, but mentally things took a turn for the worse.
The doctors have said things wont get better too much damage. So I had to take responsibility for Mum. My wife and I moved into her flat. I changed my job, started freelancing so I could be around for her. I couldnt leave her alone, not even for a short time. Even once she could move about, it didnt get any easier.
She babbles, gets confused, tries to wander off were constantly chasing after her, trying to coax her back indoors, and she cries, saying she needs to go find Dad somewhere. Honestly, its exhausting. I hardly sleep, terrified shell slip out again. My work is suffering; I cant focus on anything for long. My wife suggested we consider a care home.
It would be expensive thousands of pounds a month but if I worked full time, and if my brother chipped in, we could cover it. Its only fair.
It took me ages to make up my mind, but I realised I had no choice. We cant go on like this forever. In a care home, shed have round-the-clock support and medical attention. I went down, spoke to staff, got all the details its not cheap, but what else can you do?
I called my brother and laid it all out, hoping hed see sense. But he lost his temper.
Are you mad? How could you do that to Mum? All strangers around her, who knows how shell be treated! Youre so cold-hearted! he shouted. Or are you just trying to get her out of your way?
I tried to explain, but he wasnt listening. Hes unbending. I gritted my teeth and put up with it for a while, but Im reaching the end of my rope. I brought it up again, but he still refused to see my side.
I could never do that to Mum. She did everything for us raised us herself. We lived at home, not in some foster place. She never complained about how hard it was with us.
We both owe her you cant just palm her off. If you dont like my idea, come and take her yourself. Show how caring you are.
He blew up: You know I live with my wife, its her place! How could I expect her to look after her mother-in-law when shes got her own work?
Well, my wife is looking after her mother-in-law, so why cant yours?
He phoned off, muttering about his long hours and how he couldnt be distracted, suggesting that I just wanted rid of my responsibilities.
Every day is like living in a nightmare. On one hand, it would be better for everyone if Mum was in a care home. Our lives could go back to something near normal. On the other, I cant help but feel like a terrible son. My wifes on my side she wants Mum to go too. Mum would be cared for, and we could start living again.
Ive decided to give it one more week. If my brother doesnt step up, Im taking matters into my own hands. Ill get Mum into a home, because its easy to dish out advice when youre not the one doing the caring. Im exhausted, and Ive had enough of my brothers empty words.
