Today, Id like to share my story with you. I became a mother at a very young age it happened by mistake, and I didnt have much support. My daughter is now three years old, and, though opportunities dont come easily, Ive learned to carry on and tackle challenges as they come. There are days when the weight of it all feels overwhelming, as Im solely responsible for her wellbeing. Her father never took any responsibility.
Im writing this now with my mind racing with worries, because lately everything just seems so much harder and I honestly dont know how to move forward. I often feel drained emotionally. There are times I lose the will to push on, but I always find a reason in my little girl. I want to give her the love I never received from my own parents.
My dad left when I was born. My mother never really showed me any affection, at least not in any way I remember. Her own partners and their children always took priority. If I needed new clothes or shoes, I had to work out on my own how to get them, because asking her wasnt an option. Shed claim she had no money, but somehow she always managed to buy presents and treats for her partners children on their birthdays. When it came to mine, she usually forgot altogether.
I watched as she gave them the best, while I stayed silent, because if I dared complain, I was called ungrateful. I remember once my school shoes were falling apart because Id been wearing them for the second year running. I tried patching them up so nobody would see. My mum noticed but didnt say a word. Three days later, she bought new shoes for her partners daughter because the girl didnt like her old ones.
I spent many nights in tears, wondering why my mum wanted them and not me. One day, I realised she just saw me as a burden, so I decided to leave. She didnt bat an eyelid. She never even tried to find me. I struggled on my own things were tough and there were plenty of hardships but I didnt give up.
About four or five years later, I heard her partner left her for a younger woman, and his children went to live with their biological mother. She was left on her own. I felt sad for her, but honestly, I didnt know what to do.
Sometimes I think about reaching out, to ask how shes getting on. But I worry shed still look at me with the same indifference as before. Maybe its best if we both just carry on, living separate lives, not knowing about each other.
In life, we dont choose our families or the love were given. But we do choose what kind of love we give to others. I want my daughter to know shes wanted every day, even if I never felt that myself. Thats my way forward.
