6th October
It was just after midnight when I unlocked the door and tiptoed inside, careful not to wake Mum. I let out a silent groan as I eased off new shoes, the kind that make your feet ache just by the sight of themone of those mistakes you only admit to at home.
From the hallway, I heard Mums voice: Whats this? Early night? Didnt like the wedding? She appeared at the kitchen door, wrapped in her old dressing gown, hair tied back.
I bristled, a bit sharper than I shouldve been: Shouldnt you be asleep? Waiting up for me?
She pursed her lips and quietly retreated to the living room. Guilt nipped at meshe hadnt slept, she wanted to catch up, and Id snapped for no good reason. After a minute, I went in, sat beside her on the old floral sofa, and gave her an awkward hug.
No need to butter me up, she said, half a smile tucked away. If youre not telling, Ill hear from Marys mum anyway.
Im sorry, Mum. Im knackered and my feet are killing me. You shouldve seen the place thoughposh as anything, all polished silver and champagne flutes. At least fifty guests, maybe more. And Mary looked gorgeous, all in white, and her new husband wasnt half bad either, the lucky thing.
So why did you bail? she cut in.
Mum, theyre all so stiff and proper, talking about careers and holidays in Marbella. All a bit much. Plus, Ive got an early start tomorrow.
On a Sunday? Mum squinted at me, curious as ever.
Ill tell you in the morning. I need a shower. I kissed her cheek and ducked off to my room to change out of my dresstoo plain compared to the others designer frocks and barely worn shoes.
The steamy shower helped me forget the way that sweaty, heavy man wrapped me up for a dance, all the while ignoring my polite protests. He was relentless, clutching me so close I could practically smell his aftershave through his dinner jacket. My shoes pinched with every step and the dance dragged on forever.
Afterwards, he plonked himself at my side and poured me yet another drink. I was invisible; even Mary was busy with her guests and her new husband, and the rest hardly seemed to notice I was there. Only once or twice did I catch the eye of a man across the rooma real gent, calm and strikingbut he just gave a look and did nothing while I wriggled under my dance partners grip.
Excusing myself for the ladies, I slipped away, grabbed a black cab, and headed home, wishing the evening had ended differently.
No, I couldnt see myself wanting a wedding quite like that. Everything rehearsed, everyone with their part to playand me, lost in the crowd.
Lying in bed, I stared at the ceiling while the weddings music and laughter echoing in my mind. I shouldnt have wasted thoughts on the mystery mans gazebut I couldnt help it. Forget about him, I told myself, rolled over, and managed to drift off.
By October, the cold set in and the endless drizzle returned. Mary, freshly back from her honeymoon, invited me over. I wanted to see how the other half lived, so I stopped by the bakery and picked up her favourite cakes.
At the bakery exit, I nearly collided with a man stepping in. He held the door with a polite After you.
Isnt it you? he suddenly asked.
I looked upand there was the man from Marys wedding, the same one whose eyes had met mine. I froze, cakes in hand, pinched by surprise.
Come on, were blocking the way, he laughed, guiding me aside. Disappeared from the wedding like Cinderella. Never got a chance to introduce myself.
I didnt lose a shoe, at least, I managed, smiling back.
On your way home? Shall I give you a lift?
No, Im off to see Marythe bride. Put off your errands?
He grinned, catching the bakery box in my hands. This meetings worth more than any cakes. Let me give you a lift then. He took my arm and led me to a shiny Land Rover out front.
Id never ridden in anything so swishusually it was the bus for me. He drove confidently, not needing directions, which made me a bit nervous.
I know where Mary lives, he explained, seeing my concern. Im friends with her husbandbusiness partners, in fact.
On the way, he told me his name was Edward, divorced, with a Labrador at home.
Loaded, good-looking, successfuljust Mums type, I thought wryly to myself.
Later that night, back at our tiny two-bed in Reading, Mum was waiting.
Youre late! Had me worried sick, she fussed.
I popped by to see Mary. You should see her place! I entertained Mum with tales of glass staircases and expensive-looking kitchens, and Marysomehow still bronzed amid our soggy autumn.
But howd you get all the way out there? Mum eyed me curiously. Thats that fancy estate they call Millionaires Mews.
A friend gave me a lift, I muttered, instantly regretting the slip.
From the wedding? Someone from that lot? Did you at least give him your number?
I rolled my eyes. Yes, Mum. I practically shoved it in his hand.
Dont get shirty with me! A decent chap notices you for once, and you bite his head offtypical.
I didnt, I gave him my number. Happy now? I snapped.
Whats got into youwhy are you so narky?
Im sick of the questions! Why are you so keen to marry me off?
I only want you to find a good man, darlinglike your friend. Not end up skint or stuck with some no-hoper.
When did we ever starve, Mum? I shot her a look.
She fidgeted guiltily. I know, love. Just being dramatic. Do you like this fellow, at least?
Mum, Im not talking about marriage. I barely know him.
As if on cue, my phone rangEdward, inviting me for a Sunday hack in the country.
All day studying? he teased. Perfect weather for some horse riding. Ever even tried? When I admitted I hadnt, he said hed pick me up at eleven.
I said yes before realising I still called him Edward instead of Mr. Pierce, and he called me Emily. Funny, but nice too.
Id only seen plodding nags at my nans village, always too timid to touch them. But the ride left me breathlessso much newness, so many feelings. Edward had an ease with people, and somehow I felt special, pulled into his world of meetings and travel.
The following weekend, Edward turned up at ours, arms full of flowers and Victoria sponge, all smiles for Mum and charming anecdotes. I felt self-conscious about our small flat, the peeling wallpaper, and the faded red rug. But he acted as though it was a country manor, talking fondly of his own childhood in a similar place. Mum was smitten.
Hes a dream, darling, she gushed after he left. If he proposes, youll say yeswont you?
Mum, weve just met. Slow down, I groaned, but I could tell she already had names picked out for grandkids.
But just before Christmas, Edward did propose. He slipped a sparkling ring onto my finger, and I said yesmore out of hope than certainty.
Oh, thank God, Mum whispered, hand on her chest. Now I can rest easy. I just shook my head.
We had a modest wedding outside Oxford in early March, in those first days of sunshine when icicles melt off gutters and the world hints at springand hope.
I told Edward I wanted it quietno endless speeches or parade of strangersand he understood. Afterwards I moved in with him, settling into a world unlike my own.
Mary cheered, At least we live close again! Those posh wives only care about spa treatments, designer handbags, and shopping spreesthey probably cant name a single book. So glad to have you nearby.”
By then, Mary was six months along.
But my new world wasnt easy. Edward kept me closehis driver took me to college, picked me up after. Once, when lectures ended early, I decided to walk home on my own, enjoying the soft spring air, the flush of new leaves.
An old classmate, James, spotted me. We ducked into a café for a cup of coffee, and I realised how much I missed simple chat.
But people in my course avoided me lately, perhaps thinking I was different now.
Whats on your mind? James asked.
I should go, I said, though I longed to stay.
Is he watching over you?
No, but I should get back, I replied, unwilling to admit my fear of Edwards reaction.
When I got home, Edward was there, cold-eyed. Where have you been?
College.
Lecture was cancelled. Why didnt you ring the driver? With your new boyfriend, were you?
Hes notjust a course mate, I stammered, shocked at his tone.
Edward had never spoken to me like this. There was a chill to him now.
We just had coffee. Thats all. I hated that I sounded guilty.
Youre my wife now. There are people who want to see me fail. You put us at risk!
How does coffee do that? I asked, grasping at reason.
Dont you get it? He stood up, looming over me.
Dont talk to me like that, I snapped, taking a step back.
I never let you go, he hissed, gripping my arm tightly. If you dont listen
Or what? Lock me up? Will you suspect every patient of mine? Every man?
Suddenly he struck meI didnt even see it coming. My ears rang, the room spun. I saw his lips moving but the world was silent, salt-blood filling my mouth from a split lip.
Do you understand me? he asked.
I do, I managed to say, barely controlling my trembling.
He slapped me again before I could shield my face, each blow worse than the last. I lost consciousness and woke later, alone, crying. I tried the doorlocked. My mobile was gone as well.
I was a prisoner. When the cleaner came the next day, I begged her to let me out. She opened the door and gasped at the sight of my face.
Hell be furious with me
Just say I tricked yousent you for water and ran.
Cover your face, love, she murmured, giving me a hooded coat.
I slipped from the house, walking back streets, hiding my bruised and swollen face. Mum was horrified.
How could he? I thought he was a gentleman. Im so sorry, loveI just wanted the best for you. What if he comes here? she whispered, fear in her eyes.
It doesnt matter anymore, Mum.”
I rang James, asking him to come round. He treated my wounds, called a doctor to record the injuries, and took photos on his phone, sending them to Edward with a warning: one more step, and theyd go straight to the press.
Edward didnt come near us again. Weeks later, when the bruises faded and I no longer flinched at my own reflection, I returned to my studies.
The divorce came quickly. That summer, after graduation, James and I sat in a café in another townmy new home. Edward breezed in, arm-in-arm with another pretty young thing. He didnt notice me, absorbed in his own world.
When he slipped out to the gents, I went over to the girl.
Be careful, I whispered. Better to leave now than find out the hard way. He does dreadful things to women.
And who are you?
Im his ex-wife. Pleasedont tell him you saw me. Just go, while you can.
Without waiting for her reply, I darted out, heart racing. Through the glass I watched her shrug off his questions with a blank look, and relief seeped in.
James caught up with me. Was that wise? She might tell him.
I wish someone had warned me,” I said. “No one didnot even Mary. I dont want her to end up like me.
A year passed. We moved againJames became a surgeon, I found work as a cardiologist, and our son was born. Mum no longer tried to run my life.
One rainy afternoon, sitting in the hairdressers chair, I flicked through an old magazine. One headline leapt out: Local Businessman Edward Pierce Accused in Wifes Death.
Through the window, I watched James walk by with our baby, both faces lit with smiles. All I could think was how lucky I wasfamily mattered more than any bank account. Moneys nice, but it means nothing if you lose yourself. This is what I wish Id known all along.
The stylist called my name, and I put the magazine down, ready to start again.
