After years of being the reliable daughter, a family dinner one evening made me feel completely unwanted.
My sister has always been Mums favourite. I was the calm, sensible onethe easy child, the one who never caused trouble. When Dad passed away, I stayed with Mum. My sister was already settled with her husband and only visited on Sundays.
I paid the bills, popped to the shops, and lugged firewood through the winter. After work, Id drop by Mums flat, let myself in with the spare key, and open the windows to air out the rooms. Mum always insisted she could manage on her own, but never turned down my help. My sister would tell me I’m the strong one.
Last month, Mum decided to gather the family for dinner. It was a Sunday evening; the table was set with the white tablecloth shes kept safe for years. My sister and her husband arrived bearing a huge cake. Mum beamed from the moment they walked in. I brought salad and a loaf of breadno one seemed to notice.
Over dinner, Mum started talking about the future. She said the flat needed to be sorted, so there wouldnt be any arguments down the line. My sister nodded gravely. I simply kept slicing tomatoes on my plate.
Mum announced shed decided the flat should go to my sister, because she had a child and needed it more. At that moment, my sisters husband placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. My sister lowered her head, seemingly uncomfortable. I sat there, knife poised in midair.
I wasnt hoping for a reward, but I did expect at least a conversation. Calmly, I asked Mum why she hadnt spoken to me beforehand. Mum said it was pointlessbecause I always understand. Those words hurt more than the actual decision. Does being the understanding one mean you dont matter?
Mum went on explaining that Im independent, have a good job, and Id be just fine. My sister stayed quiet. The dinner carried on as if nothing had happened. I listened to the clock ticking away in the front room.
After everyone left, I stayed behind to wash up the dishes. Mum sat on her chair beside the window. I asked if shed ever considered that I, too, might need security. Mum sighed and said I was strong, and strong people never ask.
Only then did I realise that all these years, Id been the convenient onenot the good one, not the loved one, but simply convenient.
The next day, I didnt stop by Mums flat. The phone rang twice. Mum asked if I was alright. I said I was, but I wouldnt be able to come every day anymore. Mum was silent.
My sister called later, telling me not to be upset. Im not angryIm simply exhausted. For years, Ive put everyone elses needs ahead of mine. For years, Ive been told Ill manage, regardless. Now, I come home to my own flat, leave the dishes in the sink till morning if Im tired, and buy myself flowers for no reason.
When Mum needs something, I ask my sister if she can go. Sometimes, she says shes busyand I realise the burden wasnt a family one, but something Id taken on alone.
I havent cut Mum off. I just stopped being perpetually available. Mum now speaks to me more respectfully. My sister has started offering help.
I dont know if this will change anything about the flat itself. But it did change something within me.
I learned that being strong doesnt mean being silent. And when everyone relies on you, sometimes you need to step back, so they can finally see your worth.
Is it wrong to set boundaries with your mother, even if it disappoints her?
