HEART BEATING AGAIN
Sarah had a child, Abigail, out of wedlock, the father a mystery to everyoneeven to herself, in a way. You could say she slipped up before marriage.
Sarah was being courted by a remarkably handsome and polite young man, but he never proposed. She would walk with him arm in arm, her chin held high as they strolled past the elderly ladiesbenchwarmers, as we called themsat outside the block of flats. Like sunflowers to the sun, those pensioners would turn their heads to follow anyone who passed.
The young man had no job and drifted through life like a butterfly. Sarah fed him, looked after him, and let him sleep beside her. She was eager to lay herself like a bright rug at his feet.
Then one day, he told her he found her dreadfully dull, said she didnt appreciate him enough, and hinted that if she loved him, shed take him on a trip to the seaside. Sarah wept for a week, then tore up his photograph and burned it. For a whole month, she suffered alone. And then fate brought Matthew into her life.
One morning, while running late and feeling flustered at the bus stop, a taxi pulled up next to her. The driver opened the door and offered her a lift. Without thinking, Sarah hopped in.
The driver soon struck up a conversation. Sarah quickly sized him upmid-forties, well-groomed, clean-shaven, with a sharp haircut and freshly ironed shirt. It was his courteousness that won her over, and his appearance bore unmistakable signs of a caring womans touch. Sarah assumed it was his mother.
Matthew, as hed introduced himself, was the polar opposite of her earlier beau, and Sarah didnt hesitate to leave him her numberhoping their chance meeting would grow into something more. It was the only time shed ever taken a free taxi ride.
Matthew and Sarah soon began dating. He showered her with flowers, gifts, and a gentle love.
One spring day, they were walking through the woods, spirits lifted and light of heart. Sarah began picking bluebells, gathering a small bouquet. Matthew, amused by her enthusiasm, joined in. With their harvest collected, Sarah sat in the car with her flowers, while Matthew set his large bouquet carefully on the back seat. Instantly, Sarah thought, Thats for his wife. She didnt dare ask; what if Matthew was married? After six months, Sarah was already accustomed to his attentiveness, so she chose the comfort of self-deception and kept silent.
The illusion shattered when Matthews wife appeared at Sarahs door one evening, two small children in tow.
Here you go, my dearlook after them! They do love their father! she declared.
Sarah, stunned, could only mutter, Im sorry, I didnt realise Matthew was married. I have no intention of breaking up your family. I shant be laying my nest under someone elses roof. That same evening, Sarah told Matthew it was over.
Her next infatuation was Simon.
He was a Londoner, and his whirlwind romance with Sarah was over as quickly as it started. Simon stormed into her life and swept out of it before she could blink.
Theyd met at a friends birthday party. Simon immediately took a shine to the gentle, steady Sarah, and she didn’t resist his confident charm. Simon won her with his generosity, optimism, and boundless energy; the two were never without excitement or adventure.
For a year, Simon whisked Sarah everywhere. Then he announced he was moving back to London. Perhaps the city suited him better, or maybe a sick mother called him home.
Sarah felt abandoned and utterly alone. She decided there would be no more tears, no more heartbreak. Ill make do on my ownbetter that than crying every night, she promised herself.
Just as Sarah made peace with her single fate, she discovered she was pregnant. The news completely floored her. Who would be the father of her child? What future awaited? How would she survive the worry and confusion?
Sarah had a baby girl and named her Abigail. Abigail became the centre of Sarahs world, resembling Simon with the same curly hair and dark, irresistible eyes. Oddly enough, this pleased Sarah, perhaps because shed loved Simon more than anyone else. Looking at Abigail, shed think back fondly to the cheerful, carefree days with him.
Certainly, desperation and bitter jealousy towards her married friends crept in at times, but raising Abigail left little time for tears.
When Abigail started school, they seated her with a boy named Daniel. She disliked him immediately. Daniel called her a silly curly-head. The two couldnt stand each other, and it fell on the teacher to separate them. Nevertheless, Daniel and Abigail always found opportunities to bicker in the playground.
One day, Sarah visited the school, determined to learn why her daughter kept coming home scratched. The teacher, feeling guilty, handed Sarah Daniels address, suggesting she sort it out with his parents.
So, without hesitation, Sarah marched off to defend her daughter.
A young man opened the door, wiping his hands on a dish towel slung round his neck. You here for me? Come in, have a cup of coffee. Ill just finish feeding my little rascal, he said as he hurried back to the kitchen.
Sarah slipped off her shoes and entered the small, chaotic sitting room. It was plainly clear there was no woman aboutclothes everywhere, dust swirling in patches, and a distinct smell of cigarettes.
Well, this is something, thought Sarah.
Her host soon returned, carrying a tray with two steaming cups of coffee. The aromaone Sarah would remember all her lifefilled the room.
To what do I owe the pleasure of such a lovely ladys visit? he asked with a smile.
Im Abigails mum, Sarah began.
Oh! Everythings clear. My Dannys fallen for your daughter, he replied, grinning.
So thats why my Abigail comes home scratched? Sarah countered.
Pardon? Daniels father looked genuinely confused.
All I ask is that you speak with your son. Thank you for the coffee, said Sarah, gathering herself to leave.
Ill sort it out, dont worry, he assured her.
The rascal himself remained silent in the kitchen.
Sarah returned home but found herself unable to sleep that night, replaying the encounter with Daniels dad. There was something about his homely, genuine manner that stayed with herhe was her idea of the perfect man. And that unforgettable coffee! No suitor had ever offered Sarah coffee, only champagne, wine, or cocktails. She wanted to know more about this family.
She found herself, in her mind, tidying the small flat, airing the rooms, arranging the furniture, placing flowers on the windowsill. She even imagined stroking the rascals curly head.
The next morning, Sarah woke in high spirits and asked Abigail to be a little gentler with Daniel at school.
Weeks passed.
At parents evening, Sarah met Daniels father again and learned he was raising his son aloneDaniels mother was out of the picture, hence the father doing all the parenting.
After the meeting, Daniels dad offered to walk Sarah and Abigail home through the dark December evening. She didnt hesitate to say, Yes.
He introduced himself: James.
Nice to meet you, Im Sarah, she replied, heart fluttering.
It was clear James liked Sarah. He even suggested they see in the New Year together. Seven years of loneliness had already taught Sarah not to expect fairy tales or princes. She accepted his invitation.
Later, James confided that his ex-wife had married his best friend soon after their divorce, but he hadnt let Daniel go. James hadnt realised just how much hed needed a womans touch or how much Daniel missed having a mum. James confessed his feelingshe had thought of Sarah since their very first meeting and saw her as the perfect wife and loving mother for Daniel.
Before moving in with James, Sarah and he asked the childrens approval. Abigail and Daniel, a little shyly, nodded their agreement.
Life began to spin with excitement. James was full of joy, Sarah kept their home beautiful and their children happy. Abigail and Daniel grew up surrounded by love. Sarah treated Daniel as her own; James cherished Abigail and doted on his girls.
Time went by. As adults, Daniel and Abigailof all unlikely thingsmarried each other.
James and Sarah blessed their surprising union. The newlyweds set off for their honeymoon in Paris, while Sarah suggested a seaside holiday for herself and James.
James hesitated. You’d be better off spending the money on yourself, love.
But James, we can finally have some time just for us! Lets enjoy our freedom, even for a week! Sarah insisted.
James gave in to her reasoning. For a week, they delighted in a blissful getaway by the coast, with James spoiling Sarah with flowers, tender words, and declarations of love.
On their last morning, Sarah and James went for a walk on the beach to say farewell to the sea. The beach was empty in the early morning light. James kissed Sarah tenderly and said with unexpected sadness, Sarah, I love you very much. Always have… Ill just have a quick dip before we go.
That was the last time Sarah saw James.
He drowned.
No one could understand how it happenedthe sea was completely calm, and James was a strong swimmer. The lifeguards never found him.
Sarah came home alone. The shock and grief were overwhelming. Everything changed with Jamess sudden, senseless death.
Why had it happened to her husband? Why was she a widow at fifty-five? Why hadnt she told James how much she loved him right there, on that beach, when she had the chance? Looking back, she realised he had, in fact, been saying goodbye.
And so many whys left unanswered, cast up to the heavens.
Sarah withdrew from the world. She loathed the sea. Life lost its colour, nothing brought happiness. There was not even a grave to visit, no headstone to rest a trembling hand upon.
Her heart shattered into a thousand pieces. She barely wanted to breatheburning seven times would hurt less than being widowed once. People say time heals. It doesnt heal. It only muffles the pain, tempers the immense longing. She thought shed moved on, but every memory tore open the wound afresh. The mind would never let go, always dragging her back to sorrow.
Sarah found solace in her grandchildren. She would take Katie and Max, both three, by the hand as they wandered through autumn parks together. It became tradition to pop into a café during their outingsice cream for the children, and for Sarah, a cup of that warm, rich coffee, the same irresistible aroma that reminded her of James. In those moments, she felt his presence beside her, watching over his Sarah.
In the end, having endured unspeakable grief, Sarah learned to give thanks for the joy shed shared with Jamesfor those twenty-five years of true happiness.
Life ends, but love never does.
My own journey through these chapters of love and loss has taught me that happiness can be fragile and fleeting. I cherish each memory, for love, once given, remains alive in the heartno matter what may come.
