Over the weekend, I invited my old mates from secondary school round to my new house. I was absolutely chuffed about it. Its taken me ten years of hard graftno breaks, no holidays, driving the same battered car all that timebut I finally managed to buy a place of my own.
I fired up the barbecue, made sure I bought their favourite lager, proper job. Part of me really hoped theyd feel my excitement and share the happiness. The second they arrived, though, the atmosphere felt awkward. A bit heavy, even.
As I showed them round, I didnt hear a single well done or congratulations. Instead, the comments started flying:
Blimey, this is a bit out of the way. Arent you sick of the traffic every morning?
The gardens tiny, isnt it? Ive got space for a pool at my place. (Mind you, hes just renting.)
Hope your company doesnt give you the sack, mate, that mortgage must be a killer.
They ate, drank their pints, and left early. As soon as I closed the door behind them, I felt this awful emptiness. For a moment, I actually felt guilty for having achieved something.
The next day, I confided in my dad. He just laughed and told me something that completely changed my perspective:
Son, have you ever seen crabs in a bucket? When one tries to climb out, the rest just pull it right back down.
Thats when it all clicked for me.
My friends aren’t bad people. Its just that my progress reminded them of how stuck they were. My new house wasnt a win for themit was an uncomfortable mirror reflecting what they hadnt managed to do themselves.
A week later, I invited over George, a business acquaintance Id only known a couple of years. Hes got three times more money than I have. The second George stepped inside, his eyes lit up and he gave me one of those bear hugs that nearly knock the wind out of you.
Mate! Honestly, Im bloody proud of you. This is brilliant! Tell me how you made it happenI want to hear the whole story!
No jealousy. Just genuine excitement.
Heres the cold, hard truth: watch closely who applauds when you achieve something. Some people do love youthey just prefer loving you when youre on their level, staying as you are, because that makes them feel at ease. When you move forward, you lose friends, and thats part of the price for success.
Dont feel guilty.
You havent really lost friends, youve just let go of dead weight.
Stick close to those who can celebrate your success, because their light is bright enough that your shine doesnt bother them.
Thats what I learned, and Ill never forget it.
