Were at the station and you have half an hour to book a business-class taxi for me and the children, demanded my cousin.
Are you my sister or just some stranger passing by? I replied, exasperated. Have you no shame acting like this in front of the children? Is it really so difficult to buy your nieces and nephews some clothes from time to time? Why should I have to beg you to do anything for them? You should be offering help, without being asked! Supporting me financially! After all, you couldnt have childrenand you probably never will! Whereas Im a single mum! Angela spat her words at Rachel like darts, each one aimed to wound and push right into her private space.
Rachel was never the favourite child. Her mother had her out of wedlock, and once she married, suddenly the first daughter just seemed to get in everyones way. The stepfather was constantly reminding her she was a burden, and her mother took out her frustrations on Rachel, angry that shed married the first man willing just to avoid ending up a single mother herself. When Angela, the younger sister, was born, Rachel finally gained a little breathing spaceher new purpose, according to her parents, was to be the live-in nanny.
Rachels days revolved around her sister, feeding, entertaining, and raising her, regardless of her own life or schoolwork. If Rachel didnt manage to feed or dress Angela in time, shed be banned from seeing friends or going to classmates birthday parties. As Angela grew, she learned to treat her sister just as their parents didlike hired help.
At eighteen, just after finishing school, Rachel decided she needed to break free. She chose the university furthest from home, packed her bags, and moved out, determined never to look back. She hardly cared what became of her family over the next ten yearsafter all, they rarely called, and when they did, it was only ever to ask for money, which was never returned.
Rachel rarely visited, but she did hear that her sister had become a mother at seventeen, married at eighteen, and had her second child straight awayhoping to prevent her husband being called up for military service. Angela ended up with twins, but her young husband couldnt cope with fatherhood and left, demanding a divorce.
After that, the family rang Rachel more often. She, unlike her sister, had managed much more than just raising children. After university, she landed a decent job where she was recognised and promoted. Thanks to her steady, if slow-growing, salary, she managed to buy a modest studio flat on a mortgage.
Knowing Rachel wasnt struggling, her parents began calling almost weekly, always to ask for a loan. Of course, the loans were never paid back, and the requests were always about Angelas children.
Rachel, Pollys ripped her coat, can you send over £100? Its urgentshes nothing to wear to nursery tomorrow!
Rachel, the twins need birthday presentsAngelas found just the thing, but its £200 from you.
Rachel! Angelas got sacked againno one understands the pressure a single mother goes through. Youll have to pay for nursery now and for Pollys school prep, too!
Each demand came as an order, not a plea. No one ever asked if Rachel had the money to spare or if she was struggling herself. Her mother never even enquired how Rachel was doing, assuming she was living the good life now shed moved away. She wasnt proud of her eldest, feeling she should work even harder and contribute more.
The guilt, though, was deeply ingrained in Rachel. She never did learn how to say no to her mother. After every call, shed sigh, add up her finances, and decide what shed go without this month.
Rachels personal life was modest compared to her younger sisters, but she too could boast of a failed marriage. Soon after starting her job, Rachel met a colleague, and they decided to get married. But before the wedding, they discovered Rachel couldnt have children. Her fiancé promptly left, saying he needed a wife who could give him a family. Rachel grieved in private and only told her mum a couple of years later. From then on, her childlessness became a regular weapon in her relatives arsenal.
Our Rachels barren such a shame! Thank goodness Angela gave us grandchildren her mother would say. Eventually, the topic died downuntil Angela suddenly thought it was time to truly show some sisterly love. On one of Rachels rare weekends off, her phone rang.
Rachel, where are you? I cant possibly get the children around on public transport. Order me a posh taxi! And not some bang-average one! The little ones get travel sick if it smells of smokeso dont cheap out!
Hello And why exactly must I book you a taxi? Rachel replied, stunned.
Havent you heard? Ive decided to move in with you. Theres nothing for us in our town! Were living with you now. Im at the station, youve got half an hour to get a taxi for us. Angela hung up, and Rachel was left sitting on her sofa, realising distance hadnt stopped her brash sister from invading her life.
That evening, Angela was barking orders as if she owned the place.
Youll get me a job at your firm, youre the boss, after all. Make it a good wage, but nothing too stressful. And the office had better be full of eligible young men, and I want to be able to leave whenever I need! Get a bunk bed for the twins; we cant all squeeze onto the sofa! Tonight, Ill sleep in your bed with the boys and you can share the sofa with Polly. Also, winters coming, so make sure the kids have decent clothesnothing less than the best! I wont have people calling me a single mum with baggage!
Rachel listened, stunned she hadnt just thrown Angela out already. Why was she enduring this? Why had she allowed her boundaries to be trampled so badly? She felt a surge of anger at her parents, at her sister, and, finally, a desire for justice. Suddenly standing up, she sharply told Angela:
You and the children can stay tonight, but tomorrow morning Ill drive you to the station and send you back to Mum and Dad! I wont fund you or your children any longer. You chose to have them, so you raise them! Ive had enough of this. Im not your parent, and Im not responsible for you! Consider all the money Ive sent as my final family debt paid. If you dont leave tomorrow, Ill call the policechildren or not! And you can sleep with all your kids on the guest sofaIm used to a comfortable bed!
Her manner was so determined that Angela couldnt utter a word. She seethed all evening, phoned their mum to complain, but Rachel ignored it. In the morning, Rachel didnt even bother to drive her to the stationshe simply handed over some cab fare and sent them on their way.
Thats it. I dont want you coming here again. I have my own life and it doesnt revolve around you, Rachel said, closing the front door. She spent a long time crying that night, but she knew this was the only way. Otherwise, her family would have destroyed her peace completely.
Finally free of obligations that had smothered her for years, Rachel felt as though she could truly breathe. Not long after, she met someone special, married, and together they adopted two children. In the end, Rachel learned that setting boundaries isnt selfishits necessary for happiness. No one can pour from an empty cup, and you can only truly take care of others when you first take care of yourself.
