Raising three boys was no easy task. Anyone who’s ever shared a house with four men will know exactly what I mean. I simply cant fathom how some households are left without supper or an evening meal, or how anyone can bear having things strewn around every room. Im now 52, and Ive always held the belief that a woman should create a home thats welcoming and secure for her husbandsomewhere hell always want to return to. But my daughter-in-law, Im afraid, doesnt seem to think that way at all.
Two years back, my eldest son decided to get married, and just nine months later, they welcomed a baby girl. At the time, my son was 28 and his wife, Emily, was just 20. Emily was still at university, but even with the eight-year age gap, my son wasnt the least bit bothered.
While Emily was expecting, her temperament was very tryingshe constantly sent my son running errands for her. One morning she fancied apples, by midday she wanted oranges, and by the eveningflowers. My son never once argued, always striving to please her. We all assumed it was just a phase, heightened by the pregnancy, and things would return to normal once the baby arrived. But that wasnt the case.
She gave birth, managed to breastfeed for two months, and then abruptly announced she was exhausted by sleepless nights and needed a break. My sons a patient and considerate man, so he turned to me for help looking after their daughter for a bit. Of course, I couldnt bring myself to refuse.
While I took on childcare, Emily would be out at salons for most of the day, and when she did come home, she wouldnt even bother making supper for my son after a full days work. I ended up staying the entire week, taking care of their little girl as Emily drifted into a routine of sleeping until almost midday and living by her own whims. She left everything else to me.
After a month of this, I broke down. I told them I had to return home. Emily was quite put out, but I knew full well she wasnt ready to run her own household. So, I still popped by from time to time, though each visit left me unsettledthe place was in chaos, nothing in the fridge, total neglect on all fronts.
She wouldnt even cook for her own daughter, and as someone whod raised three sons, I found this irresponsibility difficult to accept. My son had always been used to home-cooked meals. Last month, for his birthday, I decided to stop by for a surprise visit, confident that Emily would have prepared something nice. Instead, she ordered pizza and sushi.
I simply cant understand why my son tolerates it. Why did he marry someone like that? I suspect that its because they never lived together before getting married, so he had no idea what she was truly like. Now, he seems stuck, quietly suffering, unwilling to speak up.
I wrack my brain for a way to help her step up to her responsibilities as a wife and motherthough I worry my son would resent me if I interfered. I know I really ought to support his choices, but its near impossible to stand by and watch this unfold. Are all daughters-in-law like this nowadays?
If I could give a word of advice to any woman in my position, Id say: dont bottle it up. If you feel you must speak to your daughter-in-law, do so openly but kindly. In the end, Im learning the hard lesson that we have to let our children live their own lives, make their own mistakes, and hope that, with a bit of gentle guidance, theyll eventually find their own way.
