You never really loved me, did you? You only married me out of convenience. Now youll abandon me, now that Im unwell…
I wont! I told David as I wrapped my arms around him. Youre the best man I could wish for. Im not going anywhere, no matter what.
It was difficult for him to believe me. David had been feeling so low
Id lived as a married woman for twenty-five years, and throughout those years, men still seemed to notice me. Even when I was young, Id been rather popular.
No, I was never especially beautiful, even back at school, but for some reason almost all the boys would follow me around. It always baffled me, and my mother, too.
I never left my first husband, though he was a complicated person. His name was Philip, and I stayed with him until the end. We raised a daughter together Alice. Shes married now and living in France with her husband, James. They always send stunning photos, urging me to visit. Somehow, Philip and I never managed to go together Maybe Ill go someday. Philip wont not anymore.
His death was so sudden and absurd. A car accident, they said, though later I heard he might have had a heart attack at the wheel. Lost consciousness, lost control, and that was the end.
Perhaps he fainted? I speculated to my friend, Claire, whos a doctor.
Well never know for sure, she sighed. Cause of death: multiple injuries, not compatible with life.
I was stunned. Claire helped arrange everything.
She learned all the details through her colleagues. Philip was buried, and suddenly, I was alone in the house Philip and I had built nearly our entire lives.
It didnt feel too big when we had visitors, but for a woman on her own it was massive. Too large. Too heavy a burden, in every sense.
A house always needs a man about; its just the way it is.
Alice came back to say goodbye to her father. She brought up the idea of selling the house, buying a flat, and me coming to live near them.
Absolutely not! I told her. I didnt spend my life building this house just to sell it in a hurry. And Im not moving to France, thank you very much. Ive seen enough of France on your postcards.
Oh, Mum!
Dont fret, Alice, I smiled through tears. Just having you on.
Well, if youre joking, perhaps its not all as bad as I thought.
Nothing in life is straightforward. Philip was the same loving and considerate one minute, impossibly difficult the next. His moods could wear me thin, but hed always apologise, and I usually forgave easily. Twenty-five years of that! Enough to make anyone mad.
Alice only stayed a little while. Her husband works hard, and she was eager to get back to keep her new home cosy. I was left alone.
But knowing myself, I knew it wouldnt be for long.
And indeed, half a year passed while I was deep in my grief. But one day, wiping away my tears, I realised I already had a small group of suitors circling around.
Even my own mother had once remarked how odd it was Men just drop like flies around you! Youre not classically pretty. Is there something Im missing?
Mum, youre just kind, Id laugh, reapplying lipstick. Beauty doesnt matter. A woman needs charm, charisma a little sparkle.
Off you go, then, shed chuckle. Or your suitor will get tired of waiting.
Anotherll come along, Id say with a shrug.
And nearly thirty years later, nothings changed. Women still complain its impossible to find a decent man past forty, but at forty-six, I had not one but two prospects both genuinely good men.
My heart liked Edward best intelligent, charming, really interesting to talk to and not bad looking either. But Edward was only great at talking. With my age and experience, I knew he wasnt the type for the long haul. Certainly not for this big English house.
The other suitor, David, was your straightforward, practical type. The kind of man who could drink a barrel at a party yet turn his hand to anything fix, build, make things work. A true grafter, gentle and reliable, but with a quiet strength.
He might be quiet and unassuming with his wife, but if she needed him, hed move mountains for her. Oddly, I wasnt as drawn to David, despite his qualities perhaps, foolish feminine logic.
He never showered me with compliments. David sober was a man of few words. A couple of drinks, though, and hed open up tell a joke or two, keep the chat going.
He could drink, right enough, but he always got up the next morning, splashed cold water on his face, and was raring to go again. Not chatty, but dependable and in the end, I chose David.
Edward was sore that his poetic speeches didnt win me over and quietly disappeared.
I married David, to his delight he was over the moon. At the wedding, he drank too much, sang, and danced until he dropped.
Look at you! Claire said, laughing. Its barely a year since Philip passed and here you are, married again. Women search high and low for a decent bloke and you just step out your door and find two!
Go on, say it: What do they see in you? Youre not even that pretty!
I wont say that, but something about you is just suspiciously magnetic.
Ive never understood it, Claire; maybe you should ask my mum.
I gave her a wink and went to dance with my new husband. He took my hand, and as we swayed, I banished any final doubts.
So what if David is a bit simple? Hes strong, good with his hands, and still a handsome man. And sometimes, quiet is welcome.
If Id picked Edward, what then? You cant live on pretty words.
Within months, David had transformed my garden into a regular paradise. He cleared out the unnecessary trees, levelled the ground, laid out flower beds, erected a summerhouse. Even the inside of the house bore the mark of a mans care.
Id chosen right. Absolutely right.
And David earned well, too. He was always trying to make me happy with gifts.
I compared a few short months of married life with David to the twenty-five years with Philip and honestly wished Id met David earlier. Hes gold.
That summer, we spent most evenings barbecuing and having dinner in the summerhouse, where David had set up a beautiful wooden table and benches.
After all the kebab, Id sit there squinting contentedly like a pampered cat, while David watched me with a smile.
What is it, David?
Nothing, really. Im just happy.
His first wife had been an awful bore, and hed long given up hope of meeting someone like me.
We enjoyed our happiness together for four bright years, but then Davids health declined.
He started tiring easily and losing weight without reason. If hed had a drink which he still liked now and then he felt even worse the next day.
David, you need to see a doctor! I was getting worried. What are you waiting for? Somethings clearly not right.
Oh, dont be daft, Mary. Itll pass on its own!
Really? In this day and age? And what if it doesnt? Are you like most men scared of doctors?
No, its not that.
He never admitted what he truly feared: that if he was indeed seriously ill, Id leave him. That Id not want to live with a sick husband.
David wasnt daft. He knew Id married him for practical reasons, not out of some sweeping romance. But he truly loved me.
Hed first noticed me in the corner shop, fumbling for my purse, and was utterly charmed by my sheer confusion so much so he wanted to rush over, sweep me up, and protect me forever. Even his mother, Violet, was skeptical.
You sure you know what youre doing, love? Shes not a beauty, not young anymore, and you could have your pick girls would line up for you!
But David didnt want anyone else. No one but me. And now, if he was ill, would I want him?
I couldnt persuade him to see a doctor. On a Saturday evening, we had Claire and her husband, Roger, over. David and Roger stood outside, beer in hand, manning the barbecue. Claire, in the kitchen slicing salad, turned to me:
Is something wrong with David?
I dont know! I blurted out. I beg him to see a doctor, but he refuses. Youre a doctor, Claire. Tell me honestly does he look unwell?
He looks thinner. His skins a bit yellowish, too, if you ask me.
Oh my word, Claire! Please, could you try convincing him? Maybe hell listen to you.
Claire studied me carefully.
Mary do you love him? I remember your doubts…
I bit my lip and said nothing.
Claire never got a chance to reason with David he collapsed at the table. We called an ambulance and I went with him, holding his hand and praying.
They operated straight away.
Its a liver tumour.
Cancer? I gasped.
We need to wait for the results.
Fortunately, it was benign, but already quite large by the time they operated.
The doctors banned almost everything and said recovery would take ages and might never be complete.
David was crestfallen. His mother visited him in hospital while I was at work, bringing food from the permitted list which was rather short.
I hardly know you, son! said Violet. You survived. It wasnt cancer. Time to be grateful now eat your steam puddings.
Im not hungry.
Doesnt matter! Whats on your mind? Marys coming to see you, isnt she?
For now, yes.
For now? You think shell abandon you? Dont be daft!
Im useless! Not fit for anything. Cant even work nothing. Im only turning fifty come June, and now Im a burden. Who wants an invalid?
Whats going on in here? I said, entering. Shouting across the whole ward! Hello, Violet.
Best be off, I suppose. Bye, Mary. See you, David.
Whats the matter? I asked.
Violet waved me off and left. I washed my hands and went to David lying miserably in his hospital bed.
Oh, come off it, invalid! Your limbs are all there. The restll heal. Do you know what Ive read about the liver?
Whats that then?
The liver can regenerate. It only needs fifty-one percent of itself to regrow. Youve got sixty percent left! Give it time. Everything will be fine.
But do I have time?
What? I blinked.
Time.
David, is there something youre not telling me? Did you ask the doctors to hide something from me?
Its nothing like that
David was discharged and, honestly, it was the hardest time of our lives. Physical work drained him even the simplest tasks, and it pained him more than anything.
His upcoming fiftieth loomed bleakly. No rich food, no drink. Not exactly a celebration!
I acted as though nothing was amiss, munching through plain food with as much gusto as I could muster.
Mary he finally asked. Whats going to happen to us now?
What do you mean?
Im recovering so slowly. Are you going to leave me? You might as well say it at once.
Why on earth would I go? Im happy with you.
You say that because I could do everything before. I can barely stand myself these days.
Nonsense. Come on, pull yourself together.
I try, but whats this? I swing a hammer twice and Im knackered.
I went over and hugged him from behind, laying my cheek on his head.
I love you. And Ill never leave. Dont rush just take things as they come.
Do you mean it? Truly?
Of course.
Im not leaving David. Hes getting better slowly, but each day is a step forward.
For his birthday, I arranged a little gathering, no strong drinks, so he wouldnt feel left out. A few friends, sitting in the summerhouse, playing board games.
David, youre lucky to have Mary, his mates said as they left.
Off to have a drink for my health now, are you? he teased.
We all laughed and parted ways. Later, David and I sat on the porch beneath the night sky. Happy. That night, for the first time in months, he started to feel whole again.
He believed hed get better. And he believed that I truly wouldnt leave. He hugged me tighter.
Whats that for, David?
Im just happy, is all.
At last, I smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
We were happy.
