As she grows older each year, Lily understands more and more that she doesnt want to live as her mother Ruth does, nor will she allow it. Ruth is still a fairly young woman, but she looks worn, aged far beyond her yearsa toll paid thanks to her perpetually drunk husband, Simon.
Lily is seventeen now. She never applied to university after finishing school because she feared for her mothers wellbeing if left alone. Shed have run away ages ago, but she pities her mother too much. If Lily leaves, who will tend to her mother’s bruises, bring her a glass of water, or offer her comfort after another storm of rage?
Today, her father returns home drunk once again, slumping at the kitchen table. Ruth, silently, places a bowl of soup before him, but straight away, he hurls it to the floor, nearly striking her.
Im sick of your blasted soup, Simon growls, his bloodshot eyes glaring at Ruth.
Lily leaps up to help her mother pick up the shards, while her father, staggering, kicks his wife aside on his way out. He snaps at his daughter, Were going fishing at dawn. Well get some fish for this old crowmaybe shell finally make a decent stew.
Lily hopes her father will forget about this scheme, but at first light, shes shaken awake. He looms over her, reeking of stale ale.
Up you get, well miss the best bitethe fish are hungry at sunrise.
She dresses quickly, but Ruth enters with a pail of fresh milk.
Have you even looked outside? Ruth asks Simon. There’s a thunderstorm brewing. You can’t go to the river in weather like this.
She sets the pail down, blocking Lilys path.
I wont let you take her; youll drown the girl.
Simon shoves his wife aside, spilling the fresh milk, then grabs Lily roughly and pushes her out the door. Dark clouds roll in overhead, and by the time they reach the boat, the wind howls. Lily is frightened, but Simon rows them recklessly toward the far bank, where the waters deepest.
Theyre nearly across when rain lashes down, and the wind becomes fierce. Lily clutches the sides of the boat, icy fear in her chest.
My dad always said the fishings finest in weather like this! Simon shouts over the storm.
Simon stands up, rod in hand. A wild gust throws a wave against them, knocking him overboard. Lily sees him thrashing helplessly, wave after wave slamming him down. Panicked, she grabs an oar to help, but the boat capsizesher world goes black as something strikes her on the head.
Lily awakens in a damp, musty room, sprawled on a narrow bed. A bearded man enters. She breathes heavily, too weak to move.
So youre awake at last, he says, bending to stoke the fireplace, but darkness drags her back, and through the haze, she sees a young womana vision of her mother.
Next waking, Lily feels gingerly for bruises as the same bearded man sits by her side, offering a spoonful of some bitter herbal drink.
Drink up, itll help. Have a bit of bread, too, he urges.
Time passes. When Lily finally regains her strength, she drags herself to a window to see deep autumn outside. Shes wearing an oversized pair of pyjamas; her hair is braided, though untidy. Hungry, she wanders into the kitchen.
Ah, youre up! Come, have a seat, the man says, stirring a pot rich with the smell of broth.
Lily, lost and uneasy, sits. He serves her a bowl and joins her at the table.
How did I get here? she asks quietly.
Eat first, then well chat
She dares not protest, finishing her soup.
Do you remember anything at all? he asks.
She shakes her head, mute.
Well thats odd, isnt it? You live with someone, care for them, and they remember nothing. Maybe its your illness; you nearly drowned in the riverI pulled you out myself.
Lily says nothing, blank with confusion.
Do you at least recall your name? Again, she shakes her head.
Thats how it is, then Well, youre my wifeValerie, you always were.
That cant be, Lily gasps, horrified, but truly, she cannot remember.
Oh, its true, the bearded stranger grins in a way that makes her stomach turn. Come, let me remind you, he mutters, shoving her towards the bedroom. Youve been ill for the better part of two months. Ive been waiting and waiting for you to wake up.
He forces her down; she fights, but he strikes her and throws her onto the bed.
Ungrateful wretch, I saved your life, nursed you back. Ill make sure you remember who your husband is
Lily suffers, powerless, tears rolling silently down her face. Outside, she hears the whine of an electric saw. When theres a spell of quiet, she grabs a coat from the peg, wraps herself tightly, and sneaks towards the trees behind the housetowards the riverbank. She spies the boat with its outboard engine, but the crunch of branches behind her freezes the blood in her veins. The bearded man catches up, dragging her back.
Trying to run, eh? Feeling sorry for yourself? Calm yourself, I was just upset about your lost memory, thought youd die. Planning to escape, were you? That wont do. Ill get the house warmthen youll feel better. Do you at least remember my name? Im Cliff, Cliff is my name.
Numb, Lily lets herself be led indoors, knowing she remembers nothing. She gives in, her illness sapping all resistance. She waits, telling herself she must bide her time.
Lord, why have I been given such a fate? she thinks each night.
Cliff burdens her with endless choreskeeping the house spotless, washing his clothes, cooking meals, mucking out the livestock. But worst of all is when he leers and shoves her onto the bed. If she resists, he strikes her; eventually she learns not to fight.
Time crawls by. Cliff leaves for fishing or hunting, or sometimes to town to sell his catch. In his absence, Lily finds faint glimmers of joytheres no television, but she leafs through dusty old books. Yet all happiness drains away when she hears his footsteps return.
One afternoon, Lily wanders to the riverbank under the pretext of gathering kindling. She finds Cliffs boat, chained with a padlock. She knows the key hangs in the house. Some days later, as Cliff naps after lunch, Lily grabs the key, dresses warmly, and flees. She fumbles with the padlock, manages to cast off just as a bullet whistles overhead. Glancing back, she sees Cliff, shotgun in hand, aiming.
Row back or Ill shoot, and dont expect me to miss next time! he roars. He fires again, and she, terrified, steers for shore.
He helps her from the boat only to punch her down, beating her senseless. She wakes once more in her bed.
If you cant behave, Ill chain you up in the shedyoull live out there on a leash, he barks before leaving.
A week passes. Lilys mind begins to fray under such cruelty. She gradually regains her strength, yet soon is seized by nausea and runs outside. Cliff peers at her suspiciously.
So, youre pregnant then, arent you?
She soon realises, and he does tooshes expecting a child. Cliffs attitude softens; he no longer beats her, and the heaviest chores are lifted. One morning, he heads off to the market in town, as always crossing the river with his boat and travelling on by bus.
That afternoon, Lily wanders the chilly November shore, lost in restless thoughts. She hears the drone of a motor; a boat is approaching, but its not Cliffs. A man disembarks, his fishing gear in tow. He catches sight of her and stops in astonishment.
Lily, is that you? he asks, blinking.
Youre mistaken. My name is Valerie, Lily replies, uncertainly.
Dont be daft. Ive known you since you were a toddlerused to carry you about. Your mother Ruth buried your father, then lost you. Everyone thought youd drowned as well. Shes been out of her mind with grief. Im your neighbour, Uncle Colindont you remember me? How did you end up here?
II live here with my husband, she stammers, dazed.
Strange. I thought no one lived out this waynever saw a soul. Let’s not stand herecome on, hop in the boat. You can tell me everything away from here. Youre terrified, arent you? Afraid Cliff will hurt you?
Please, Uncle Colin, just take me across the river. Ill explain everythingI just want to get away, I cant bear it another moment.
All right, in you get, quick. As they step onto the bank, gunshots ring out across the water. They duck behind the rise for cover.
When Lily arrives, her uncle leads her straight to his cottage, where she is met by the woman whos haunted her dreams.
Mum she murmurs, suddenly teary.
My darling girl! Ruth cries, rushing to embrace her. Colin, where did you find her? How?
Ruths happiness knows no bounds. Colin explains where he found Lily, though she remembers little. Gradually, fragments of the past surfaceher home, her parents, her fathers accidentand at last she recalls everything, even tumbling from the boat. Through tears, she tells of her time with Cliff, who, despite saving her from drowning, became her captor.
Mum, if he finds me, hell kill us both. Hes no manhes a monster.
Neighbour Alice, Colins wife, arrives to lend support. Ruth, your daughter is rightget out now. My sister has a place in the country; she lives alone. Go stay with her, regroup, figure out your next steps. Colin will drive you therepack up what you need.
With a last glance at their old house, Ruth and Lily drive away in Colins battered car. Soon after, Cliff searches for Lily, finds the cottage locked, and confronts Alice.
Looking for someone? Where did she go? he asks coldly.
I havent a clue, Alice retorts, hiding her suspicion.
In time, Colin helps Ruth sell her old place and brings her the moneypounds sterlingso she can buy a small cottage in the country. He and Alice come to help scrub the walls, freshen the paint, and settle them in.
Lily gradually leaves the horrors of her time with Cliff behind, holding her son, Nick, closea daily reminder, but one she loves more than her own life. Even Ruth adores him. And ahead, happiness glimmersa future Lily never dared to dream of, as George, a kind neighbour, dreams up plans of his own to ask her for her hand.
