Youre better off than most, so your gifts ought to reflect that, my mother-in-law grumbled.
It was a quiet evening in London as I, Richard, sank down onto the sofa beside my wife, Emily.
What on earth are we getting your mother this year? Im at a complete loss, I admitted, pondering aloud.
Emily sighedchoosing a gift for my mother had always been a minefield.
My relationship with Margaret Taylor had been rocky right from the off.
I understood my mothers cool manner straightaway, so wed agreed to keep our distance as much as possible.
No one owed anyone anything. There were occasional phone calls and family gatheringsif both sides felt up for itbut that was really as far as anyone went.
This year, Margaret announced shed be marking her milestone birthday in grand fashion and had invited almost all the family, including us.
By the way, Mum said shed be happy with whatever she gets, I remembered, suddenly.
She always says that, then acts like shes swallowed a lemon, Emily said with a frown. Your sister could give her anything, but were held to different standards!
Emily remembered all too well how Margaret never seemed pleased with anything we ever gave her.
Take last Mothers Day. What did we give her? A fancy cosmetics set. How did she react? Tears, and the suggestion we thought she was old and past it, Emily sighed. When has she ever liked a gift from us? Only gold or the latest gadgetsstuff where she can work out the price tag straight away.
Maybe I should just ring her and ask outright, I suggested, uncertain.
Do what you think is best, Emily said, shaking her head.
I dialled my mothers number, hoping shed throw me a hint about a suitable present.
Oh darling, I want for nothing. Just seeing you is gift enough, she responded gently.
Really, Mum? You wont be annoyed with us then? I pressed.
No, of course not! Anything at all would make me happy, she chuckled, so I decided to take her at her word.
Mum says we can get her what we like, I reported to Emily.
Emily eyed me dubiously. She had her doubts about my mothers sincerity.
But since I insisted we choose the gift ourselves, Emily relented.
How about a robot vacuum? She wont have to lug the hoover around the house anymore, Emily suggested, once wed looked at the budget.
And thats what we did. We bought Margaret Taylor a high-end robot vacuum for over £1,000 and headed to the celebration feeling rather cheerful.
The lady of the hour greeted us warmly, but her face fell as she spotted the box with the vacuum inside.
Whats this for? she muttered, sighing deeply. Just put it in the lounge, love.
Emily stood, a bit stunned, as Margaret showed no interest in the present.
Soon after, my sister Lucy and her husband arrived. Lucy gave Mum a big hug and chirped,
Mum! This is for you!
Oh thank you, darling! Youre just wonderful! Margaret cried, embracing her daughter.
Curious, Emily glanced to see what lavish gift Lucy had brought to earn that level of enthusiasm.
To our amazement, it was just an ordinary cosmetics set from the local chemist, costing perhaps a tenner.
Emily looked at me questioningly; I had noticed it too.
My expression must have made it plain how unimpressed I was by Mums reaction to our gift.
I kept a lid on it for hours, but when Mum yet again gushed over Lucys present, I finally lost my cool.
Mum, can we have a word? I asked, calling her aside.
Whats up? she asked, walking over. Is there a problem?
Yes, actually! Do you remember what you told me about the present? I said sharply.
Yes, I do.
So why did you look down your nose at ours while you loved this little cheap set so much? Dont say Im imagining things.
I wont. You two have a lot more money than Lucy does, so your gifts ought to be that much grander, Margaret grumbled.
And what do you expect us to give exactly? I asked, frowning. Are we meant to attach a receipt to every present so you know what it cost?
Oh, not this again, she replied, making it clear shed rather not continue the discussion. What can I say if I just prefer Lucys gifts?
Because you have no idea how much ours cost? I asked sardonically. Just so you know, it was over a grand!
That much? Margaret exclaimed, feigning surprise.
But she soon worked out how to wriggle out of the situation.
You want to know why I make more fuss over Lucys family gifts? Because they give what they can, and you lot just buy things to tick a box, Margaret said stiffly.
Mum, are you being serious? I ran my hand through my hair.
Does it look like Im joking? With your salaries, a spa break would have been a bit more fitting, she replied, lifting her chin.
I stared at her for a moment, speechless at her nerve.
Do you honestly think money just falls in our laps? I blurted out once I recovered.
The argument drew in Emily, and Lucy, who both stood by the door, startled by our raised voices.
Lucy caught on quicker than Emily and sided with Mum immediately.
Mum didnt want a robot vacuumher humidifier broke three days ago. If youd bothered to ask about her life, youd know that! my sister scolded.
I did ask point blank about a gift! I retorted through clenched teeth. Are you taking the mickey? You know whatno more gifts from us! We try to make you happy, but get nothing but grief in return! Not keen on the vacuum, want a humidifier insteadsorry we failed to meet the mark! Were leaving! I snapped, turning to Emily.
Margaret broke down in tears, and as Lucy tried to comfort her, Emily and I left the house stone-faced.
I kept my promise to my mother. Deciding Id had enough of feeling like a fool, I vowed then and there never to attend another family gathering or put myself through that kind of needless drama again.
