Lucy, darling, pleaseIm asking youher mother bent down beside Lucy, crouching down at her levelWe have to stay here for a little while, you see. Soon it will be over, and well return to the city.
Lucy stared at her mother in silence.
Lucy, do you hear me? Do you understand? Her mother gently shook her shoulder.
Yes, Mum, I hear you…
Then why don’t you say anything? Mum was jittery, and Lucy could see it.
I wasn’t quiet, Mum, I was thinking. Thats all.
Thinking? Her mother huffed. Look, look at how many books there are here, Lucy Oh, how I used to love reading when I was your age…
Mum… will we have to live here long?
I dont know, sweetheart. We have to, for now.
Lucy understood perfectly everything that had happened to them, to their family. Mum didn’t need to pretend that Lucy was too young to understand.
Aunt Maggie will come to see you, Lucy. Ill do all the cooking for the day, leave early in the morning and return in the evening. And on weekends, well be togethergo for walks down to the stream…
Her mother buried her face in her hands.
Im sorry. Im so, so sorry…
Mum, dont cry, dont. Lucy leaned in. I know Dad left us, I know things are hard, and you did what you thought was bestcoming to Grans old cottage, renting the flat out to someone else.
I know all of that, Mum. Ill be good, I promise. Ill wait for you, and Ill read books, and Aunt Maggie will keep an eye on me.
Well be alright, Mum. And in the autumn, Ill go to school. Mum… is there a school here?
No, my darling. There was a school here, oncebut it closed. But by autumn, I promise, well be back home in our flat. This is only for now, just until I find a proper job.
Ive let the flat till August, just enough time. After that Ill do it up, make it ours again. Everything will be fine, my love…
I know, Mum…
That evening they sat on the cold stone step outside their little cottage for a long time, her mother telling her stories from her own childhood, about Gran Edith.
Mum, did you have… a mum?
I did, her mother sighed. Shes still alive, technicallybut she never needed me. Not really.
What do you mean? How could she not need you?
Well, thats how it was, love. She had me too young, things with Dad didnt work out, he left for another town, started over. Mum lingered for a while, then she brought me to live with Granny Edith and set off to London in search of her own happiness.
And… did she find happiness?
She certainly found happiness, darling. She found it and forgot about me completely. Remarried, two more children. Mejust remembered my birthday, for Christmas, little things.
You know, I remembered she came onceone of her children was illshe brought him down here… you know, fresh air, all that. She never told them about me. Those children didnt even know I was their half-sister.
Gran told her I was about to finish schoolthat she should buy me a dress. She just started shouting at Gran, telling her she was heartlessher own child was ill and Gran was going on about dresses for me.
Laurel! Gran was furious, she said. Edith is your daughter, too! How could you be so cold?
She called me a great healthy mare, told Gran I could buy my own dress.
Gran kicked her out that day…
Mum, you never call her Mum. Only she…
I know, love, forgive me. I just cant call her MumGranny Edith was my mother. Truly.
They named you after Granny, didnt they, Mum? Edith?
I suppose they did… Yes, after Gran…
Did you love her, Mum?
Who?
Granny Edith.
With all my heart, darling! When she died, it was as if all the colour in the world faded. You know, Laurelmy motherI loved her too. And I waited for her, every birthday, every Christmas.
When I was ill, for my first day at school, when Gran died… I waited for her.
She couldnt come because her new husbands mother was having an anniversary. She came after, cried a bit, told me to get readyI was underage.
I thought shed take me to live with her, but no. She just arranged for me to go to college and left me in halls.
My first New Year, not with Gran. Foolishly, I thought shed take me in, but she said, Sorry, Edith, I really canttherell be loads of people at mine over the holidays, the whole family.
So I decided to return home. After all, I still had a home.
Give me the keys to Grans cottage, I told her.
Why? she said, her eyes darting.
Its my home. If you think youve any claim to my inheritance, youre mistaken.
Its my home too, she snapped. Were all going there for New Year, a family in the country.
I promise you, if you show up Ill ruin your party. Now, the keys.
She wouldnt give me the keys, of course. So, I came down, scrambled over the garden fence, bought two new locks in the village, called Mr. Tom the neighbourhe took off the old locks and fitted the new ones for me.
When Laurel claimed the house, every neighbour said theyd stand up for metheyd never let anyone hurt Ediths memory.
I intended to spend that New Year alone, but my friends came calling and we had a lovely evening together…
Then I turned eighteen.
Do you see her? Your mother?
No. Why would I? She and I have nothing to say to each other.
Mum… would you ever…
What? Leave you like she did me? Never. Never everdo you hear me?
Lucy was not afraid anymore; she felt very grown up. Her mother left for work, Aunt Maggie came twice to visit.
Lucy ate her lunch, tidied the table, washed her plate, fed her doll Sally, and curled up with a storybook.
Shed only learnt to read recentlyit delighted her, reading aloud to Sally and her old teddy, Mr. Buttons.
Days drifted identically for Lucy. At first, she cried a lotwell, not real crying, just tears that fell of their own accord. Try as she might, she couldnt stop them, but they were not her ownjust tears, as if the rain had fallen inside.
Then, whenever her mother finally arrived, everything felt warm again.
But one evening, her mother didnt come. She didnt come and didnt comenight drew in. Lucy switched on the lamp, pulled the curtains tight.
Dont be afraid, Sally, Mr. Buttons, Mollie, Annie, and Toby the clown, dont be scared, she whispered to her toys.
Maybe I should walk to the station and meet Mum there, Lucy thought. But the roads blurred in her memory, and she might miss Mum somewhere in the dream-hedgerows and moonlit lanes.
Lucy chased away the gloomiest thoughtsher mother would never treat her like that, not like Laurel. No, no, no. Theres no Gran Edith nownobody else to stay with. What if Mum remarried? Had more children and forgot Lucy ever existed, left her alone in this odd little house?
Lucy wept out loud at that ideagreat hiccupping sobs until her throat raspedand then, exhausted, she dozed off by the window.
Sometime in the night, Lucy heard a rustle in the hallway. What ifwhat if it was rats? Or the other grandmother, Laurel, whom Lucy had never seen come to claim the house and cast her out?
Lucy whimpered, squeezing her blanket tight.
Suddenly, the door flew open, the light flooded in.
Mum! Lucy leapt from the chair, knocking it over, Mum! Mummy!
My darling girl, Lucy, my lovely child… forgive me, forgive me… I missed the last train, got as far as the next village and walked the rest.
Mum, were you frightened?
Terrified. Lucy, I was so afraid for you! I was sobbing, begging you not to cry and there I was, in floods myself. I mustve scared every fox and badger in the county! Mum was crying and laughing at once.
I was so scared youd think Id left you behind.
And at that moment, Lucy lied for the first time in her life.
Mum, I didnt think that at allI know youd never, ever leave me.
It wasnt true; she had thought it, but she couldnt bear to hurt her mother further.
They stayed at the cottage until the end of August. Then Lucy started school. Mum found a good job.
Her father went to court, demanded Lucy come to him on weekends. Mum just laughed, saying hed never wanted to see the child before.
I never stopped him, she said. He just never asked…
Now Lucy saw her father at the weekend. At first, she ran gladly to meet him, but after a while…
Mum, I think my dads exactly like your Laurelhe doesnt care one bit. He sees me just cause. He deposits me in the shopping centre crèche, and spends hours on the phone, shouting at people.
And I just sit on the sofa, watching toddlers, Mum… I dont want to keep seeing Dad anymore. Lets tell him.
Dad then stormed around, blaming Mum for poisoning his daughter against him.
Im your father! hed bellow. And youre turning her against me!
Dad… Im not little anymore. Why do you keep taking me to that silly playroom? I dont even like crisps… Im grown up now.
You left Mum and me. I was home alone all day. Dadonce Mum missed her train and had to walk in the dark, and wild dogs and foxes chased her through the woods while I was here all alone…
Lucy lied againnow to Dadabout the wolves. He listened, then left.
A month later, he came back, apologised, said he understood, and they went to the cinemaLucy and her father, together.
After that, Lucy genuinely ran to greet him.
Edith, did you really outrun wild dogs that night? Dad asked Mum once, half-grinning.
Yes, Mum replied, without blinking.
Mum and Dad spoke a little while, until Dad missed his train. Mum told him soYour trains gone.
Mum, Lucy asked later as she snuggled in Mums bed, if Dads train left, how will he get home?
He can walk, darling. There are no wolves here, Mum said, gently easing Dad out the door.
Mum…? Did Dad want to come back?
Yes, Lucy.
Will you ever forgive him?
Her mother was silent.
Mum, its up to you, but… I love you both.
I know, Lucy, my girl.
But I love you moreyoure the bravest mum in the world. You ran through the woods for meyou werent even scared of the wild things.
Years drifted by.
Lucy was soon to be married.
Mum… I have to confess something.
Yes, darling?
Mum, that night… I did think youd left me. Just like Laurel left you…
Oh, sweetheart, how could I ever do that to you?
I didnt know then, Mum. Im sorry.
No, darling, forgive me for making you live through all that…
They held each other closemother and daughteralways together. Mum, always near.
