Living in Someone Else’s Flat? Then Pay the Rent! “I don’t even know if my daughter’s wedding will happen. Everyone’s fallen out, and the future son-in-law has gone off the rails. There are only two weeks to go and he’s acting up. I feel so sorry for my daughter,” complains Alina. “Why is everyone arguing?” “You won’t believe it, but it’s over a flat. We wanted to make the young couple happy, so we used all our savings and bought them a flat as a wedding gift. We had to sell our little cottage by the lake and the garage just to afford it. The property is in my daughter’s name. But they’re getting married anyway—so what difference does it make whose name it’s in?” “Exactly…” “That’s what my husband and I think too. Now, the flat’s totally bare. It needs renovating and furnishing, but we’ve got no savings left. My husband suggested to our son-in-law-to-be that we all pitch in to get the place ready so they can move in quickly. But he refuses to help with the renovation!” “Why not?” “Because it’s not his flat! He won’t invest in property he doesn’t own. He said we should do the renovation ourselves. Maybe he’ll buy a few bits and bobs, but he won’t spend any real money.” “So why don’t they just move in as it is?” “They can’t. It’s completely empty and needs new plumbing and electrics, the floors and walls need evening out, the old windows are about to fall out—they need to be replaced. At the very least, it needs basic finishing,” says Alina. “I think it’s impossible to live in such a state, even though I’m not hard to please. How can young people live in a dump like that? It’s embarrassing! My future son-in-law works for a big company and makes good money, but he doesn’t want to spend it. He wants to save up for his own place so he’s not left without a roof over his head. “So it seems he wants to live at our expense. He’s demanding we pay for the renovation. So I told him, if he thinks it’s someone else’s flat, then he should pay rent! He just smiled and agreed,” Alina sighs. “What does your daughter say?” “She’s very upset and cries all the time. She loves him very much, but we can’t add him to the flat’s deeds. Now she says she doesn’t want the flat or the renovation at all. But I dislike that he’s unwilling to invest in their family. What’s going to happen next? They’re not even married and already thinking about divorce and splitting the assets,” says Alina. Do you think my future son-in-law should invest in this flat? He plans to live there, start a family, settle in. Does it really matter whose name is on the deeds? Or is his position logical? What would you do in his shoes?

Living in someone elses home? Pay for your stay!

I sometimes wonder if my daughters wedding will ever take place. The whole family ended up bickering, and her intended is growing more unreasonable by the day. The wedding is only a fortnight away, yet hes lost his wits. I truly pity my daughter, thinking back on these events, says Margaret.

Whats caused all the arguments? someone asked.

You might not believe itits all to do with a flat, Margaret sighed. We wanted to surprise the young couple, so we pooled together every last pound of our savings and bought them a flat as a wedding present. We even sold the little cottage by the lake and the garage just to afford everything. We put the deed in my daughters name. But since they were about to tie the knot, we thought thered be no difference who officially owned it.

Quite right

Thats how my husband and I see it as well. The place, of course, was empty as a drumneeded everything, from a bit of spit and polish to proper furniture. We hadnt a penny left after buying it, so my husband suggested to our future son-in-law that wed all pitch in together and get the work done, just to get the two of them settled in as soon as possible. But would you believe, he point blank refuses to help with the renovations!

Why on earth not?

Because, in his eyes, it isnt really his flat. He doesnt wish to invest so much as a shilling in a place that isnt his own. He told us outright that we should sort it out ourselves. Says he might contribute a few bits and pieces, but has no intention of splashing out.

Well, couldnt they move in as is? Perhaps just make do without the work?

Oh, not a chance. The place was quite bare. The pipes and electrics all wanted replacing, and the walls and floors were very uneven. The old sash windows looked ready to tumble out altogether. Youd need at least a basic finish for the place to be habitable, Margaret explained.

In my opinion, nobody can live in such conditions, even if Im not one for luxury. How can young folk make a home out of a wreck like that? It would be mortifying. My future son-in-law works for a reputable firm in London and is handsomely paid, but he begrudges spending his wages. You see, hes set on saving for a flat of his own, just in case he finds himself homeless down the line.

The long and short of it is he wants to live under our roof at our expense. He expects us to finish the renovations ourselves. So, I told him, if he believes the flats someone elses, he can pay rent. He just smiled and agreed, Margaret sighed.

And what about your daughter?

Shes terribly upset, crying all the time. She loves him dearly, but we cant very well add his name to the deed. Now she says she doesnt care for the flat or the renovations. But I cant help disliking a man who wont invest anything in his own familys future. What happens next? They arent even wed yet, but theyre already talking about possible divorce and dividing up the spoils, Margaret reflected.

Do you think my future son-in-law ought to put something into this flat? Hes planning to settle down there, start a family, put down roots. Does it even matter whose name is written on the paperwork? Or maybe his logic makes sense? What would you have done in his position?