WHAT YOU CUT AWAY, YOU CAN’T PUT BACK
When Alice showed her wedding photos to friends, shed always comment with a rueful smile, Goodness, I struggled in that dress! Of course, its beautiful, but so heavy and unwieldy! Next time I get married, Ill pick something light and airy. Everyone assumed Alice was joking, and they laughed along with her. And she was, in fact, joking. Everyone knew Alice and David had married for love. It was the classic holiday romance: she was 21, he was 28.
…August, the gentle English seaside, sparkling prosecco, a sky full of stars and romanceeverything blended together and landed on the registry office table as a marriage application. Admittedly, before their big event, David had to finalise his divorce from his second wife, and Alice moved to his city to start their new life together.
The LondonBrightonLondon journey became Alices regular route for a decade, familiar and marked in her memory.
But at first, the two of them had to rent a flat. David had given up his own place to his second wife, whod threatened all sorts of dramatics if he didnt go back to herpills, acid, jumping out the window. It was no easy parting. But over time, the ex-wife quietened down, perhaps because David had promised her reconciliation? He never spoke of his first wife, a brief marriage that lasted a year and a half. Eventually, hed even seen her off to marry one of his mates, making everyones life easier, including his own.
The second wife lingered longer. Three years, until David realised his chosen one was, as he told it, more than a little alarminga woman who described babies as human cubs and wanted nothing to do with them.
Alice, meanwhile, wasnt bothered by these messy histories. She was confident, independent, and bold, never doubting her beauty or charm. David adored her, convinced hed found heaven here on earth. He bought her armfuls of flowers, three different fur coats, shoes and boots for every day of the week. He whisked her off to London, to Paris, and even a trip to Cornwall for broadening the mind and gathering strength before their first child.
Soon after, their daughter Rosie was born. While Alice cared for the baby, David bought a house and lovingly furnished it for his girls. Everything was meticulously chosen, a testament to his devotion.
They celebrated their new home. Rosie started nursery. Alice relentlessly pursued her education, though she preferred to study in London. After all, friends, her mother, and even strangers seemed warmer and closer there. She found peace under Londons plane trees.
She would often leave Rosie with her mother-in-law, who adored the child completely. While Alice attended her classes, she remained in her beloved capital. David grew deeply jealous. He seemed to pop up in London at random, often staging accidental meetings and silly stakeouts. To be fair, Alice never gave him cause for worryor so it seemed.
The truth was, she always wanted to escape the routines of family life. She was ready to keep studying endlessly, if it meant not washing up, not scrubbing floors, not parenting, not playing the part of the doting wife. She felt life slipping by, and wondered why someone as clever and beautiful as she was should waste time with trivialities.
Time passed, and soon Alice had three first-class degrees in her handbag, her main one in psychology. She kept them close, ever hopeful of landing a big job. David was firmly against it: Dont we have more than enough money? Ill lose my mind waiting for you to come home every evening! Alice, lets have another baby. Boy or girl, I dont carejust stay with me.
Alice saw no reason to be a mother again; mission accomplished. Shed given him a daughter and that should have been enough. Her mother-in-law, hearing her elaborate arguments, offered to keep Rosie for a while, until Alice grew up a bit herself.
So, with hardly a second thought, Alice agreed, packed her bags, and headed back up to London, leaving David none the wiser. Ill ring when I get to London, she thought.
But in Londonthere was David, wise to her tricks by now. Alice, wheres Rosie? Why are you here instead of in Brighton? Have you got a new admirer? he fumed.
David, dont worry! No admirers, no boyfriends. Im just bored with you, to be honest. I want freedom! Alice said lightly.
Freedom? From me and from Rosie? Wheres the love gone? Has it evaporated? Maybe its a midlife crisis? Well get through it together, Alice, thats nothing, pleaded David.
Theres nothing to get through, Alice answered, closing the subject emphatically.
Desperate, David ran to his mother-in-law. She just shrugged: What can I do? Deal with it yourselves. You wont persuade Aliceshes like a mountain.
Back in Brighton alone, David didnt know what to do. How could he bring his wife back? Put his family back together? It was madnessNo good deed goes unpunished. He felt completely out of place.
Days passed, then weeks… Alice didnt return. Shed take his calls, but only answered briskly, Im fine. And time marched on.
Eventually, David decided the only thing left was to sell his house, pick up Rosie, and move to London for the sake of his family.
Alice responded coolly. She tried to put him off, arguing that it would upset Rosiemoving schools, leaving friends, even grandmother wouldnt approve. But really, these were just excuses. Alice was basking in her newfound freedom. Live like a lark in the skythat was Alices credo now. Shed started a sewing business, rented a little flat, and had admirersquite a few, in fact. She had no time to be bored. And suddenly, husband and daughter looming back into her lifewhy? She wanted to erase her old life. In her heart she was resolute. It was as if everything before had happened to some other woman.
David ignored her protests and moved to London with Rosie. He still clung to hope, and his battered but undying love for Alice.
Hed sometimes meet Alice after work, bring Rosie alongwho, by the way, was the spitting image of her mother. But it was pointless. Alice seemed like a statue; nothing could rouse her. Eventually, she made it final: David, leave me alone. Time for us to get divorced. Rosie can stay with me if she wants.
Rosie turned eleven then. She didnt need a home with her mother. She had a loving dad and a grandmother who prayed for her day and night. Rosie still loved her mum, and couldnt understand why Alice had willingly walked away from her own daughter.
…Time passes. No one can halt its march.
Life moves on, and everyone gets what theyve earned.
David ceased fishing on dry land. He realised at last that hed never reach Alices heart.
Fate introduced him to a quietly ordinary woman, one with her feet firmly on the groundno flights of fancy. Now, he and his new wife live in the countryside, and she has two sons from her first marriage.
To her, it turned out, London and Paris meant nothing, nor did fur coats or a hundred shoes. A pair of wellies for the autumn mud, a warm old jumper for looking after the animals, and the hope my kids turn out all right. That was it, her hearts desire.
David felt peace and warmth with such a woman. Where life is simple, angels abound; where life is clever, none are found. Soon, they welcomed a daughter, and for the first time, David discovered real happiness, even if it took four goes. Hed found honest love at last, and didnt look back on his earlier marriages.
…Alice now lives with her mother. One business partner promised her the moon and stars, only to swindle her utterly. Alices sewing business unravelled and fizzled out. The cluster of suitors vanished.
After all that matchmaking, there were no matches left. Alice now works as a school psychologisther education finally useful. She says she has no regrets, but the depths of the human soul are endless; who can truly say? Perhaps somewhere inside her, Alicethe bird of the skiesstill holds a tiny spark of remorse.
…Rosie is grown up now and, yes, married herself. She lives with her husband and grandmother in Brighton, who raised her from childhood.
And on Rosies wedding day, she wore the light, airy dress her mum, Alice, had once promised.
