Adam, I dont want to hurt you or cause you any pain, love.
I found myself sat on the window seat, staring out absentmindedly, waiting for Dad to come home. My thoughts drifted. It had been two years since Mum had left us. Shed created a new life for herself, with a different family. She made a new start, Dad had told me once, his voice heavy with sadness. Why had she abandoned her own son? I suppose only she knows the answer. Over time, the sharpness of the memory faded and she began to slip from my mind.
Dad did his best to give me everything I needed. I was already ten, and understood more than perhaps he realised. There was never anything hidden from me, but often there just didnt seem to be any point to things. I learnt to wash up after tea and keep things tidy, stacking my bits and bobs neatly. The toy box gathered dust in the corner.
I felt more grown up these days, though, if Im honest, I was painfully lonely. More than anything, I wished for a dog. I pleaded with Dad, but he shook his head.
And wholl look after it? I work all hours, and youre still at school youre much too young.
Instead, Dad brought home a woman, not a dog. Her name was Emily. She moved in quietly, slipping into our routines. I avoided speaking to her entirely, convinced she was just an extra we could do without. But Dad called her his wife and wanted me to have a mother.
I dont want her! I told him outright, stubborn as a mule. And so life carried on. I watched Dad blossom around Emily they were warm and gentle with each other, sharing laughter and hugs. While I still smarted with pain, left on the outside.
Dad, I wish shed leave.
Adam, I want her to stay. Its hard managing without a wife and a mother.
The summer arrived, days stretching bright and long. I ran about the green with my new mates. One afternoon, they teased and told me Dad and my step-mum would pack me off to an orphanage. Fear knotted in my chest. Why wouldnt they want to get rid of me? Maybe they wanted their own baby, and I was just in the way. I started steeling myself, bracing for the worst.
One day, in the kitchen, I overheard a snippet Hell be much better off, really, we ought to send him. My heart sank. That was it for me. I barely slept a wink, and in the morning, I vowed to do something about Emily. Things needed to change.
I started with little things, trying to make her life difficult I swapped the salt and sugar, I left the hob lit under an empty pan. I was snappy and rude. She worked it out quickly enough and called me in for a quiet word.
Adam, we need a proper chat. Youre clearly upset.
Im not angry, I mumbled, half-heartedly denying it.
She just shook her head, her voice soft. Adam, I dont want to hurt you, love
Then she paused Weve rented a little cottage for the summer. We wanted it to be a surprise, but maybe its time we tell you the truth. Your dads found a dog for us and were off to pick him up today. You can come, if you want.
Youre not joking? I asked, almost not daring to believe her. I ran to hug her with all my strength.
Emily dabbed at her eyes, nearly crying herself. Come on, darling, be happy, its all going to be all right. No need for tears. She brushed my hair from my forehead.
When Dad came home, we all piled into the car to collect the puppy. Somehow, the anger Id held for so long shifted into something like friendship, and I stopped seeing Emily as my foe. We made peace. That night, the puppy curled up in my arms, and, at last, we were all happy.
These days, I know now that sometimes its not about replacing whats lost, but understanding we can make space for something and someone new without losing ourselves. The heart, Ive learnt, can be big enough for more than you think.
