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I’m 89 Years Old. A Scammer Tried to Fool Me Over the Phone—but I’m an Engineer.

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I’m 89 years old. They tried to scam me on the phone. But I used to be an engineer.

It was one of those dreary Tuesday mornings. I was sipping peppermint tea and giving a sudoku a stern stare when the phone rang.
At 93, I’d say my mind is still fairly crispsharp as it was back in the 60s when I was programming all sorts.

“Mrs Williams?” came a wonderfully slimy voice from the other end. “We’re calling regarding some irregularities with your account. There’s been some suspicious activity, you see.”

Right. Another one.

“Oh, dear me, how alarming!” I replied in my best quavering granny voice. “What ought I do, young man?”

“We just require you to confirm your bank card number.”

“Of course, of course just let me find my spectacles” I left a thoughtful pause. “Or perhaps you could tell me the last four digits, and I can confirm them? Just to make sure you’re, you know, the real deal.”

Awkward silence.

“That won’t work, madam. We need the whole number.”

“I see,” I sighed. “Just tell me, does your line use a standard VoIP protocol, or is it end-to-end encrypted?”

Another pause. You could almost hear the cogs clanking.

“Madam, I’m just going to need you to”

“I’m asking,” I continued breezily, “because while we’re chatting, I’ve already traced your IP address. Fascinating A call from an internet café. You know, I spent forty years designing security systems. System engineer, me. One does pick up a few tricks.”

“Er, madam”

“And another fun bitI’ve just triggered a script on my line. It’s retrieving data from your device. Would you like me to read out your contacts, or should I just forward them to the authorities?”

There was a definite swallow.

“That’s illegal”

“Illegal?” I laughed. “Son, I was writing code before your nan was out of nappies. Besides, I’m recording this whole callwith metadata. Best part? I can see your screen. Hello, David. Nice profile photo. Does your mum know what you get up to?”

Click.

Hung up.

I laughed so hard I nearly spilled my tea. Then I rang my grandsonthe one whos always joking I dont know my way around technology.

“Charlie,” I said when he picked up, “Ive just outfoxed a scammer. Still think I dont know what the internet is?”

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I’m 89 Years Old. A Scammer Tried to Fool Me Over the Phone—but I’m an Engineer.