I do not want to live with my daughters family! Let me explain why.
My daughter and her family found themselves homeless after their house in Leeds was badly damaged by flooding. It was impossible for them to stay there, so it naturally fell to me to take them in while their home was repaired. Of course, they had no other place to go, so they moved in with me.
After discussing things with my daughter and her husband, we all agreed this was a temporary arrangement, and theyd return to their own place as soon as possible.
My daughter Jane is wonderful, and my son-in-law isnt a fool, so they took no offence at my feelings: I firmly believe that each family is its own unit, and everyone else is, in a way, an outsider. I take this view seriously, and heres why.
I have my own routine, which is very different from my daughters and her husbands. For instance, while Im fine with Jane being in my space, her husband, David, is a stranger to my habits, and he quite rightfully has his own need for privacy. Theres little point in squabbling over things like my preference for going to sleep with the telly on, or the fact that Jane and David might want to invite people over at odd hours. We all have our own standards for keeping the house tidy, and theres no sense in arguing over unwashed plates. In the end, these little grievances can ruin even the strongest relationships.
Moreover, we have completely different tastes in food. And dont get me started on the times when friends or acquaintances just turn up unannounced. Everyone knows that, in those situations, someone might eye up anothers treats in the kitchen. You can’t exactly put a padlock on the fridge that would hardly solve the problem.
Another issue is the mismatch in our routines. Different sleeping schedules mean creeping about on tiptoe all the time. People arent always mindful of each other’s need for rest, and lack of sleep quickly breeds bad temper and headaches not unlike a bomb waiting to go off. Sometimes just a spark is enough to set things off.
Above all, I dont want to pass judgement on Janes life or Davids. Ive taught my daughter everything I could, but now Id like to see only what they choose to share. Living under the same roof means seeing things youd rather not, and Id much rather keep some distance.
Most importantly, I want to choose for myself if and how I support my daughter and her husband and I want to do that out of love, not obligation. I also want to have some time for myself.
Thats why Im sure: while Im glad to help out in a pinch, living together full-time is just not for me.
