How much does your ex pay in child maintenance?
That question hit me out of nowhere, like a cold wave on a warm day. Wed just sat down for tea, but it soured the taste instantly.
Evelyn, my mother-in-law, sat opposite, her stare lingering just too long. Between us sat the apple tart Id baked especially for her visita tradition of ours, though now it seemed pointless.
We manage, I forced a smile, though my mouth felt numb.
I wasnt asking out of idle curiosity, she said, her fingersimmaculately manicureddrumming the tablecloth. Matthews starting school this year, isnt he?
I nodded, already knowing where she was going. I dreaded this conversation every time.
New uniform, books, bag, after-school clubsnone of thats cheap, Evelyn ticked them off on her fingers. Your bills must have gone up, hmm?
They have, I murmured.
So, who spends moreMatthews father, or my William?
A heavy silence fell in the kitchen, the sort you can almost choke on. Outside, a car horn sounded. Upstairs, a child was laughing, but here, in this cheerful space with flowery curtains Id stitched myself last spring, the air hung thick and oppressive.
I cleared my throat and tried again, We manage. Wills never complained.
Evelyn gave a sharp little sniff, like a cat disturbed from a doze.
Of course he doesnt. He takes after his fatheralways too patient. But lets be honest, it looks to me like my Will is supporting the lot of youincluding your son.
I barely got out her name before she left for the hallway, shrugging on her coat. I followed, unsure what to say, or if I needed to justify myself at all. Were family, arent we? Will never hesitated.
Evelyn paused at the door, clutching her handbag. There was no anger in her gaze, just exhaustion, and something else I couldnt place.
You ought to think about finding a bit of extra work, Jane, she said quietly. I didnt raise my son to pay someone elses way.
And with that, she closed the door.
I stood for a while, fixated on the Welcome Home doormat.
That evening, our flat filled with the typical soundsMatthew constructing something in his bedroom, Will clanging pans in the kitchen, sorting dinner. An ordinary night for an ordinary family. Still, Evelyns words spun round my mind like a stuck gramophone.
When Matthew was asleep, Will and I sat together. He flicked through the news on his tableta vision of contentment in his worn t-shirt, and for a split second, I almost didnt bring it up.
Will, I started softly, do you ever feel you spend too much on Matthew?
He lowered his tablet, looking properly confused.
Why would you ask that?
Im just wondering.
He put the tablet aside and turned to face me fully, so utterly sincere that I suddenly felt ridiculous for even asking.
Matthew is my son, he said. Thats all that matters to me. I love him. The paperwork doesnt change that.
That was all I wanted to hear, so I smiled. But deep inside, something chilled. Evelyns words stayed with me, sharp and impossible to shift.
Six months slipped by.
I was sitting on the edge of the bath when I saw the two lines on the testI could hardly believe it. When I told Will, he swept me up in his arms and spun around like a boy. Matthew bounced alongside, demanding to know what was happening, and when we told him hed be a big brother, he announced he wanted a sister and promised to teach her to build with Lego.
The pregnancy passed easily. In March, our daughter Lily was born, red-faced, tiny, eyes like Wills, nose unmistakably mine. Matthew kept his word, watching over her cot for hours, shushing anyone who dared speak above a whisper.
I thought then, surely, wed finally settle as a family. Maybe Evelyn would soften when she met Lilyaccept us for who we were.
But I was wrong.
Evelyn visited two weeks after Lilys birth. With the baby asleep, Matthew at school, it was just the three of us in the kitchen.
She put her cup down and fixed me with a look.
Youre on maternity leave now, arent you, Jane? So the family incomes gone down, but expenses for Matthew havent. Whats your plan?
My insides turned cold.
I really think you should call Matthews father, she pressed on. Ask him to raise the maintenance. Its his job to provide for his boy. Will shouldnt have to foot the bill
Before she could finish, Will smacked his hand on the table, rattling the cups.
Mum, enough, he said, voice low and hard.
Evelyns chin lifted as she switched from attack to defencealways a formidable force when challenged.
I just care about you and Lily, she cried. Is that wrong? Im your mother, its my right to worry!
What exactly are you worried about? Will shot back, jaw clenched. That Im happy? That I have a family?
That you waste your moneyyour lifeon another mans child! You have your own daughter now! But youre still paying for that boy
My chair felt like it would swallow me whole. That boy was my Matthew, who adored Will, called him Dad, made him cards on every holiday. That boy.
Matthew is my son, Will repeated, his voice ringing with certainty. I dont care what it says on his birth certificate. I raised him, I love him, and hes just as much mine as Lily. This is our family, Mumyou need to accept that. If you cant, thats your issue, not ours.
Evelyn shot up so fast her chair skidded and banged into the fridge.
Youre ruining your life! she shouted, her voice cracking. All for her and her child! I didnt raise you for this!
Lilys cry cut through the housesoft at first, then louder. I stumbled from my seat and rushed to the nursery, clutching her tight, whispering comfort to us both.
Somewhere in the flat, the front door slammed, rattling the walls.
And thena hush.
Lily settled, snuffling against my shoulder. I stood motionless in the nursery, dreading what next.
The door creaked. Will slipped in quietly, looking drawn but calm. He wrapped us both in his arms, and we stood together, silent and strong.
Mums difficult, he whispered into my hair. But I wont let her spoil your peace. She wont be visiting for a while.
I looked up. My eyes itched with tears I hadnt yet shed. I nodded.
We managed. Our little family held firm.
If this year has taught me anything, its that family is much more than bloodits love, patience, and choosing each other every single day. And no ones doubts or disapproval can change that.
