My Partner Is Still Married to His Wife and Has a Daughter: Navigating Love, Family, and the Complexities of Modern Relationships in the UK

Author Walton MerrittReading 3 minViews 1

My dear is still legally married to his wife and has a daughter with her.

I love my partner deeply. Weve been together for over seven years now, and we have a six-year-old son. He spends loads of time with our boy, often taking him along to his workshop or out for weekend adventures. He looks after me too sometimes hell surprise me with flowers or plan a romantic night for us in London. We lead an ordinary life just a happy family, really.

Not too long ago, we borrowed a bit from our parents and bought our first flat. I take pride in keeping the home cosy and spotless, and I do love it when the house smells of fresh scones baking. I work off the books most of the time, but its enough to make a comfortable living. I have big plans for our place I want to make every one of them a reality.

I work at a beauty salon, picking up a fair few private gigs as well. My partner earns a decent wage. We dont live lavishly, but were good at saving up if weve set our sights on a holiday or a new purchase. We once considered buying a cottage in the countryside, but we decided to hold off for a while.

I enjoy life, and things are going well between us. We met later than most, but I always tell people that I was waiting for this sort of man to come along.
My partner keeps a good relationship with his daughter and supports her financially; hes in touch with his wifes parents too, since his daughter lives with them. Ive never bothered much about what became of his wife, or where she is now.

I didnt pull him away from his family he was single and living on his own when we met. Yet whats starting to trouble me more and more is that he still hasnt divorced her. Whenever someone at work asks why we havent tied the knot yet, I just say Were in no rush. Everythings fine, and marriage, after all, is just a piece of paper.

Not long ago, my mother insisted I give my partner an ultimatum. She thinks that, if were to carry on together, he needs to propose soon. She finds it odd that hes still legally bound to another woman. Supposedly, she has all the rights, and with me, its just about the responsibilities. Even though weve only just moved into our new flat, technically, it still belongs to her. What do you call this sort of marriage muddle?

Looking back, I realise now that love isnt just about feelings or comfort its about honesty and commitment too.

I’m 46, and if you looked at my life from the outside, you’d probably say everything is fine. I married young—at 24—to a hardworking, responsible Englishman. I had two children in quick succession—at 26 and 28. I left university because the schedules didn’t fit, the kids were small, and I thought “there’s time for all that later.” There were never any big dramas or rows. Everything went the way it was “meant to.” For years, my routine never changed. I’d wake before everyone, make breakfast, leave the house tidy, and head off to work. I’d come back in time to handle the chores, cook, wash, tidy up. Weekends were all about family gatherings, birthday parties, endless obligations. I was always there; I always took care of things. If something was missing, I fixed it. If anyone needed anything, I was always there. It never occurred to me to ask if I wanted something else. My husband has never been a bad person. We’d have dinner, watch TV, and head to bed. He wasn’t especially affectionate, but he wasn’t unkind either. He never asked for much, but he didn’t complain. Our conversations were about bills, the children, jobs to do. Then, on an ordinary Tuesday evening, I sat quietly in the living room and realised I had nothing to do—not because everything was perfect, but because, in that moment, nobody needed me. I looked around and understood that for years I’d kept this household running, but now I had no idea what to do with myself inside it. That day, I opened a drawer of old documents and found diplomas, unfinished courses, ideas scribbled in notebooks, projects put aside “for later.” I looked at photos from when I was young—before I was a wife, before I was a mother, before I became the one who made everything right. I didn’t feel nostalgic. I felt something worse: I realised I’d achieved everything without ever asking if it was what I truly wanted. I started to notice things I used to accept as normal: That nobody asks how I am. That even when I come home exhausted, it’s still me who sorts everything out. If my husband says he doesn’t fancy a family gathering, that’s fine, but if I’m reluctant, it’s still expected I’ll go. My opinion exists, but it doesn’t carry weight. There were no arguments or shouting matches, but there was never any real space for me. One evening at dinner, I mentioned I wanted to restart my education or try something different. My husband looked at me, surprised, and said, “But why now?” He didn’t mean any harm. He just didn’t understand why something that had always worked should change. The children were silent. There was no argument. Nobody forbade me from anything. Yet I realised that my role was so clearly defined that stepping outside it was uncomfortable. I’m still married. I haven’t left, I haven’t packed my bags, I haven’t made any dramatic decisions. But I’ve stopped pretending. I know that for more than twenty years, I’ve kept a family together in a structure where I was essential, but never the main character. How Do You Rebuild Yourself After Living a Life Where You’re Needed—But Never the Main Character?

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📌 Useful Social Services & Contacts in the U.S.

Stay informed and get help when you need it. Below are key national services with direct contacts that may support you or your loved ones:
🏥 Health & Mental Support

SAMHSA – Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

What they do: Free and confidential help with substance use and mental health disorders.

Hotline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357) – 24/7, anonymous support

Website: samhsa.gov

🧒 Support for Children & Families

WIC – Women, Infants, and Children Program

What they do: Nutritional and healthcare support for pregnant women, new mothers, and young children.

Federal Info Line: 1-800-522-5006

Find local WIC office: fns.usda.gov/wic

My Partner Is Still Married to His Wife and Has a Daughter: Navigating Love, Family, and the Complexities of Modern Relationships in the UK