I will tell you why I choose not to leave my children with their grandmothers.
I am now thirty-one years old and a mother to two daughters, aged three and one. I do not work outside the home, and am very much a full-time motherthis is a choice I made quite deliberately.
When my first daughter was born, I naively assumed, as most would, that the grandmothers will help out at the start. As it turned out, their involvement provided more obstacles than assistance, and I found myself having to manage nearly everything on my own.
Let me explain a bit more.
After my eldest was born, and especially after coming home from hospital, I felt utterly helplessnot really sure how to care for a baby in the right way. The things that are now second nature to me, with two children, seemed overwhelming those three years ago and caused a fair bit of unrest at home.
Of course, nowhere was there some mysterious manual in my head on how to look after a baby.
For some reason, I expected the older generation, with all their supposed wisdom, would surely know how to change nappies, bathe the baby, cut tiny nails, feed properly, and treat any little maladies. As it turned out, I had to learn almost everything alone, as the grandmothers’ opinions differed on even the simplest of thingssuch as the proper way to get a baby in the bath!
Thankfully, I now know how to handle nappies, baths, and a good deal more with ease.
I do hold a great deal of respect and gratitude for both my mother and my mother-in-law, but their advice has often made me chuckle in disbelief:
Grandmother 1 (my mother-in-law):
You must say a prayer over the water, and only let the child drink that water.
Six months down the line, I bought a filter.
In the meantime, she said to use nothing but carbolic soap; the baby must always be washed with it. And apparently, its good for rashes, too.
Shed tell me, Youre raising your children poorly, thats why they become illfor reasons I could never quite fathom.
If your child cries too much, you ought to take her to a healershell know what to do.
Grandmother 2 (my mother):
Crying? Its nothing, shell grow out of it. Fever? Give her a tablet, shell be fine.
Youre buying the girls far too many toysyou need to be more frugal.
Ill drop by Saturday at one oclock to see the girls, but I must be off to the pictures by four. And so it goes every weekend.
A baby can have sweet or salty foods from six months, really. If they want to try something, let them.
I love my mother, but I do question her approach to raising us!
How we were fed and cared foror not cared for, as it often was. Wed spend days at our grandmothers house, and, as I recall, ate nothing but macaroni all day. At home, our diet was mainly heavy, fatty dishes. I remember several instances where my chesty coughs went ignored, which once led to a bout of whooping cough. Even now, Im beginning to understand the roots of my digestive troubles, and just how much strain all that put on my liver and pancreas.
My conclusionwhile I genuinely enjoy our grandmothers company, I simply cannot imagine leaving my own children with them for several days on end. Id feel safe if I could supervise; but on their own, no. Perhaps Im not paranoid, just cautious but the worry lingers.
