We were together, Val. You know, on that last trip to Manchester. The whole thing happened so stupidly.
Wed had a few drinks after the work event, and I just I couldnt stop myself, Val.
And youre just telling me this so calmly? Valentinas voice was all but gone from shock. James, are you actually admitting you cheated on me?
I cant keep quiet any longer he bowed his head. Val, Im so sorry, honestly. Itll never, ever happen again, I swear! I get it now
Val set her wine glass down carefully. Her whole world had just collapsed.
***
That morning had started out like any other. Val was at the cooker, stirring porridge for their youngest, at the same time trying to do seven-year-old Sophies plaits.
Mum, that hurts! squeaked Sophie, jerking her head away.
Sorry, love, Im in a rush. Where on earth is your dad?! Hes going to be late!
James walked out of the bathroom, buttoning his shirt. One look at his face and Val knew he was in one of those moods.
Is there coffee? he asked, without even glancing her way.
Theres some in the pot. Pour it yourself, Ive got my hands full.
He helped himself, then drank it standing up, gazing blankly out at the grey garden where the caretaker was lazily sweeping up leaves.
There was no peck on the cheek, no Howd you sleep to be honest, they’d not been interested in each other for the past couple of years.
Val worked as an accountant for a big retail company. She and James had been married for ten years now.
They had a three-bedroom flat on a mortgage, a brand new SUV parked downstairs. The kids were healthy, life was ticking on supposedly plenty to be grateful for, and yet…
She felt like she couldnt breathe, like her marriage was suffocating. She missed her husband the way he used to rush out in the middle of the night just to get her ice cream, and hug her so tight she could barely breathe.
Near two oclock, her phone buzzed on her desk.
Fancy going out for dinner tonight? Feels like ages since weve done anything together. Ive had a word with my sister Emilys happy to have the kids for a sleepover.
Val reread the message three times. Her heart did a strange, girlish flutter.
Blimey she whispered. Maybe hes finally noticed?
The rest of the workday passed in a blur. She left an hour early, dashed home, frantically choosing a dress.
In the end, she went with her navy blue silk one it did wonders for her figure. A little more mascara than usual, a dab of perfume behind her ears.
She looked in the mirror and saw a woman who still desperately wanted her husband to love her.
The restaurant was cosy: candles, soft live music. She arrived to find James already sitting at the table, freshly shaven and suited.
He stood as she walked over, and in his eyes was it admiration? Or pity? She couldnt tell then.
You look gorgeous, Val he said, pulling out her chair.
Thank you. I was honestly surprised at the invite. Whats the occasion?
Oh, nothing really Just realised weve basically stopped talking. We’re like flatmates, honestly.
I know she let out a sigh, sipping her wine. Work, kids, just all that daily grind…
Exactly, James was fiddling with his knife. Its like Im running and running, but forgotten what for.
They talked for ages. Reminisced about when theyd first got married, days living in a rented box flat with a leaky tap and how happy they were, back then.
They laughed about the time James changed Sophies first nappy and nearly keeled over.
It was such a lovely evening. Val felt something melting away between them.
We just need more nights like this, she thought to herself. Well be alright. Were just so tired
Shall we head home? James asked as the bill arrived. Ill grab another bottle of wine on the way. Nice to have a quiet drink, just us.
At home, the silence was strange without shrieks or toys everywhere, the flat felt huge and empty.
They settled in the kitchen. James poured the wine. It was warm, inviting, but suddenly
Val, we really need to change something, he started.
I agree, James. Why dont we go away? Spain maybe, or just a nice weekend somewhere. We need to switch off.
True. But its not just about a holiday. Lately, Ive not been myself. Weve stopped listening to each other.
Youre always with the kids, Im at work. When I get home, youre either asleep or cross with me.
Weve lost all closeness, you know? Not even talking about the physical side, more you know, just clicking.
Val tensed.
Wheres this going? she said softly.
I just I slipped up.
Thats when he said it. About Manchester. About the colleague. About the affair.
She just listened, Val, James stammered, words tumbling out like he was scared shed cut him off. We travelled a lot together on business.
She actually cared, asked how I was.
Im not making excuses, I know Im scum. I did try to resist. Honestly.
But that night wed had drinks with everyone, then it was just us left in the hotel bar
Val said nothing. It felt as if a grenade had exploded in her chest and the bits were slicing her up from the inside.
Forgive me, if you can, he went on. Ive been so ashamed. Couldnt sleep. Couldnt eat. Couldnt even look you in the eye.
I cant keep this a secret, not if Im going to live with myself. You and the kids youre everything. Ill do anything.
Anything? Val repeated flatly.
Yes. Ive already spoken to my manager. Asked to be moved to a completely different department, so Im never around her. Steve promised hed sort it within the month.
Ive put in for leave. Lets go away Ill book it right now. Just us. Lets try again, from scratch.
James reached out to cover her hand with his, but Val jerked away.
From scratch? her laugh was bitter. James, do you hear yourself? Do you understand what you did?
You didnt just sleep with someone else you destroyed me.
I was at work, thrilled at your text, fussing over what to wear tonight. I thought you loved me, that you were trying to fix things
I do love you! he almost shouted. Thats why I finally told you. I just couldnt keep lying.
If you loved me, you wouldnt have done it. Your colleague must be ever so caring, eh? Meanwhile, Im just the angry wife
Thats not, he tried to protest.
He stood and moved towards her, trying to put his arm around her shoulders.
Val, please
Dont touch me! she shoved him away. I cant bear it.
She fled to the bedroom, slammed the door, turned the lock, and collapsed onto the bed.
Tears poured down her face. James scratched at the door for ages, muttering apologies, then finally went quiet Val heard him settle on the sofa in the living room.
***
In the morning, she padded into the kitchen, face swollen from crying. Her husband was still on the sofa, in yesterdays clothes. Untouched coffee sat on the table.
I only stayed last night because theres nowhere to take the kids, she said briskly.
Val
Dont. I dont want to hear your feelings. I dont care what you feel right now.
I understand.
About this holiday where were you thinking?
Somewhere quiet, so we can just walk, talk
Fine, she turned towards the window. Well go. But dont expect things to be like before. Im not going to start again. Im going to see if I can even be near you without feeling sick.
James nodded, ready for whatever conditions she set.
Ill book it all today.
And another thing, Val looked over her shoulder. The transfer. I want to see a copy of the form, with a stamp on it. And your phone no more password.
Of course. Whatever you say.
He held out his mobile, but she shook her head, disgusted.
Later. Just go and have a shower now. I need to clear my head before picking the kids up from Emilys. I dont want them to see us like this.
When the bathroom door clicked shut, Val slumped into a chair. She wanted to leave, to walk out on the man shed loved more than life itself just yesterday but she couldnt. At least, not for the children
***
The days dragged until the trip. The two of them only spoke when necessary.
Got the tickets?
Saturday. Booked.
Can you collect Sophie from school?
Yeah.
The kids felt something was up. Sophie went quiet when her parents were both around, and their son was more whiny than usual.
Mummy, whys Daddy sleeping in the lounge? Sophie asked one night, snuggled in bed.
Val swallowed the lump in her throat as she tucked her in.
Daddys just working a lot. His back hurts from his office chair, the sofas easier.
Did you have an argument?
Were just tired, sweetheart. Everything will be fine. Were off to the seaside soon, remember?
Sophie nodded, but there was still suspicion in her eyes. Kids always know.
***
On Friday, the day before departure, James came home early handed her a sheet of paper.
There, he placed it on the table. Confirmation of the transfer. From after my leave, Ill be in Analytics.
No more business trips. Full stop. She, well shell stay in Procurement. Well be in separate buildings.
Val glanced at the official stamp.
Fine.
Val… he lingered in the kitchen doorway. I really I keep thinking what a coward I am
Enough, James. You made your choice in Manchester, and now Im making mine whether I stay or not is up to me, from now on.
She didnt mention what shed done last night, after hed fallen asleep on the lounge settee. Shed checked his phone. Revulsion and trembling aside, she had to. The texts with the woman were still there, not deleted last ones from him:
Its over. This was a huge mistake. Dont contact me again.
And her reply: Suit yourself. Good luck.
Did it make Val feel better? Not really. But deep down, she noticed a little shift. At least he hadnt lied about that he’d actually tried to put a stop to it.
***
Saturday greeted them with drizzly rain. They loaded luggage in silence.
Her husband was extra attentive: always at her elbow, double-checking windows, buying her favourite coffee at the petrol station and somehow that just made it all sting even more.
In the airport lounge, he sat beside her, while the kids pressed against the huge glass, watching planes take off.
You know he said softly, gazing out the window yesterday I was thinking about our first holiday, the year we camped by the sea. Remember how the tent blew away?
Val couldnt help a smile.
I remember. You held onto those tent pegs all night, while I dozed under your raincoat.
Back then, I thought there was no one on earth better than you. Still do, Val. I just got lost along the way.
We both did, James, for the first time that week, she looked him in the eyes.
He reached for her hand. This time she didnt withdraw, but she didnt squeeze back either. She was lost too.
Shed probably forgive him, more than likely. Mostly, because she couldnt bear to put the kids through a divorce.
But before she forgave him oh, she was going to make sure he never so much as looked at another woman.
Shed start retraining him on this holidayThe plane lifted sluggishly through the clouds, and Val watched the raindrops race down the oval window, blurring the world outside into soft grey. Sophies sleepy head lolled on her shoulder; their son was already burrowed between them with his legs tucked under Jamess arm, clutching his battered dinosaur.
Somewhere above the clouds, the sunlight broke gold and fierce on her lap. Val closed her eyes and let herself drift, feeling Jamess presence tethered near her but not pressing, waiting. Regret shimmered between them, sharp and heavy, but there was something else tooa brittle hope, like porcelain, breakable but real.
Later, by the sea, she watched the kids make wild castles, shrieking at every threat of tide. James built with them, patient, letting Sophie drape kelp on his head and roar with laughter. Val stood a little apart, digging her bare toes into the cold sand, letting the wind comb her hair free.
James joined her, hands deep in his pockets.
You dont have to decide now, he said quietly.
She nodded, emptying her lungs. I know.
He didnt try to embrace her. Instead, he bent and gathered two smooth stones, pressing one gently into her palm.
Remember these? he asked, recalling how they used to pocket little souvenirs from every trip.
She forced a smile, brushing her thumb over the stones surfacestill warm from his hand. Yeah. One for you, one for me.
The kids ran up, shoving starfish and shells into their hands, all squawks and sandy fingers and wild love. In their laughter, in the scratchy smell of salt and seaweed, something fragile flickered alive.
Val couldnt erase the hurt, but maybe, here by the endless tides, she could find a new way forwardsomething bruised, imperfect, but fiercely hers to choose.
So she let the stone fall into her pocket, squeezed Sophies hand, and when James looked at her with those tired, hopeful eyes, she looked backjust for a momentnot as a promise, but as the start of something neither of them could name.
For now, it was enough. The waves would keep coming, and she would decide, again and again, which way to face.
